Feel like I need a xanax....dating and WLS

You are a beautiful girl; don’t let a little skin hold you back because no one is perfect.  When the romance comes passion will take over and you’re not going to care, and believe me neither will he. Go out and have some fun, you hide long enough. Hugs Crissie

I may sound very old fashioned but I have been married for 31 years to a man who still adores me, so I'm thinking I must be doing something right, so here is what I'd suggest.

I think one of the biggest problems in relationships today is the hurry to jump between the sheets; consequently, I would suggest that you take it slow and easy.  Really get to know one another apart from the physical.  If a man is truly interested in you as a person, he'll be patient and looking forward until you're ready to take it to the next level.  If he doesn't want to stick around without the sex, then he wasn't worth having to begin with, so you lucked out... 

Whether you've had surgery or not is no ones business until you begin a more serious based and exclusive relationship, but up and until that point, you have no obligation to mention anything, so I wouldn't.  Let the early relationship evolve without dragging out all the heavy baggage.

Once the relationship moves into a more serious phase, the man is going to know who you are, what your values are, and what a wonderful person you are so, if he's worth his salt, he's not going to care that you've had surgery. 

Once a man really cares about you, he is much more interested in your warm embrace, the love and affection you show him, the acceptance you give to him, that how you look naked is of little consequence.

The adage that love is blind came about because it is true.  Your man wants you to want him (not a clingy needy want, but a healthy balanced want), and as long as you're making him feel like he is your one and only "manly man," he is going to be so blinded by all that is beautiful about you that he will be very turned on, excess skin and all.

I read recently that the sexiest trait a woman has in a man's opinion is her confidence... 

Since you are headed back out into the dating world, I would suggest you arm yourself by reading a book, "Why Men Love *****es," by Sherry Argon.  I cannot tell you the number of times I have loaned this book to someone and heard back how they really wished they'd read it earlier in their lives.  Don't be put off by the title because it's really a great book with a whole lot of insight into the male psyche. 

Go have fun and happy dating!!!!

 Imma go look for that book, might download a sample to my Kindle.

 I just finished a library book Mr. Right, Right Now, by E. Jean Carroll and although the concept of "how to catch a man" offends me - it's actually good advice and funny as hell. kind of the opposite of The Rules which might also work, depending.

in fact, like life after WLS - count carbs? log on here every day? different things are going to work for different people or even for the same people at different times!  very deep, eh?

Deb I am shocked u have been married 31 years. Omg u look so young! Good genes I'm guessing. ;-)

Maria,

Me sooo blushing.  Good genes and a great plastic surgeon. 

I don't blame u. If I could afford PS I would be getting everything done but the Michael Jackson nose, lol. ;-)

Maria,

You are stunning!  I could not imagine you needing to have anything done.  However, I do understand that it's important to feel good about yourself and if a little nip and tuck does the trick, then I'm all about nipping and tucking.  LoL

I am so with you on this subject

You know, in my experience, it's just come to the point where you realize the guy you're on a date with isn't a total d-bag and you get the impression that he's going to be totally OK with it.  It's kinda just part of getting to know someone--being vulnerable, sharing things.  I think everyone has something that they feel is a dirty little secret.

Whenever I feel self-conscious about this, I imagine that I'm him.  What if he took his shirt off and I saw a lot of loose skin.  Would I be grossed out?  I realize that, no, I wouldn't.  And the guy that I'm going to date is going to have to be similarly accepting of me (and people in general) or we aren't going to be getting along anyways.

This is really good advice.  Women are inside their own heads too much.  The guy is just glad you're willing to take your clothes off, so if you are willing, don't spend a second doubting your beauty.  It ruins the mood! :)  Besides, very little is sexier than a confident person.