men

Ok ladies just need to vent since i have no one to talk with. Im so sick of spending my whole life doing nothing but clean. I love my hubby but he comes from a home were the women stay home and clean and the men work. Well for 18 years i was married to a lazy man who didnt do anything. so on top of working I taught my self how to remodel my house etc. Well anyway I need a brake I go no were and never get a break. Youd think on the weekends the hubby would help with alex and the house but only if i ask and give him details about how i want it done. Plus he is frustrating me he says he was going to get me the shampooer i wanted for x mas really your going to buy me something to make me clean more for x mas. yes we need this but dont i deserve something fun. I mean really he gets him self vidio games for his play station 3 and me a shampooer. Aparently cleaning is my life lol. I have alot of stuff i enjoy doing just never have the time because something allways needs done. Thanks for listening. Loretta

Make him a detailed list............does he complain when he does this?   My Dh came from a previous relationship to where no MATTER what he did it wasnt right or good enough,  i got this from my mother at home as far as cleaning goes............  But anytime i give him a list and instructions,   hes happy as a lark to do it,  hes even picked up doing many things without being asked, like load dishwasher, vaccuum dust.........clean bathrooms, were working on the laundry,  he could already cook.   (I am not lazy we jus twork together)  Its awesome,  my ex never did anything inside or outside the house so there was a "discussion" that took place early on.  I relaized his baggage and he realized mine and we worked it out for us.    I must say there is nothing sexier than a man washing dishes................

You said you were married 18 years to a lazy man...If you had a child and he was 18 and he has no table manners and does not know how to take care of himself I would say you're somewhat  to blame because you didn't tell him what you expect of him (or her).
He thinks you like to clean because you never told him otherwise, now he's used to it. IMHO you are giving him mixed messages, you say you want a shampooer for Christmas and then you say you are upset he wants to give you one.
OR you say he comes from a family where women stay at home...so to make him happy stay home and polish the silverware, just like the women in his family. I think he will understand that you can't have it both ways. Just tell him how you feel and stop doing things you don't want to.
 I don't like housework and my hubby knows it, If I don't feel like cooking, he does. I can live with my mess, it is MY mess. Maybe you should learn to be less perfect and let the dust lie on  the weekend and just leave the house, if he doesn't want to go with you, tell him where the vacuum is and if he needs the dust gone..have at it.. :)

I have found that women don't tell men what they want but expect them to know anyway..
But then what do I know
Petra

 There are plenty of women who have no help at all.  If hubby is working all week and you are staying home and cleaning, there should be time to get the housework finished before Saturday.  It would be nice to have him come home and jump into dusting and cleaning, but most of the time that is not realistic.  He would rather play video games.

My husband died two years ago and I have had to take care of things on my own.  If I don't do it, it doesn't get done and I have slowly learned that is OK.  There is nobody else to resent or blame. 

When he got cancer over 10 years ago, I was terribly overwhelmed. I was working full time and trying to care for him and the house full time.  Luckily I discovered the Flylady site and learned how to do everything quickly and easily.  My house was cleaner and more organized than ever and most of the time I was spending 15 minutes a day doing housework.

You will learn to plan your housework and your fun so that there is plenty of time for both.

Before you get off of the computer, go to www.flylady.net

 I'd take ownership in the fact that I accepted the behavior from my husband for a long period of time and be patient with him while you ask him to change.  This by no means gives him an excuse for bein a poop but it takes 90 days of a new behavior to even make a dent in changing it.

What he won't/can't help with, hire out, barter for, or figure out how to do.  The internet is a wealth of information.

If you need a break, take it.  Whatever doesn't get done today as far as cleaning etc. will get done eventually.  He will get tired of dirty underwear and wash them, etc.

Do what I did and email your husband and kids your Christmas list....that way you don't end up with a 180 color eyeshadow kit or an Epilady.....ouch.

Hijack- my husband bought me an Epilady and complained one day that I wasn't using it. I tried to explain to him it was very painful. Well the commercials didn't say it was painful, so obviously I was doing something wrong. So one day while I was at work, he decided to give it a go. As took a swype up his rather hairy calves. I cam home to find the offending device in the corner of the living room, in pieces. He referred to it as an evil torture device, and told me it would be effective as a weapon in robbing a convenience store. Apparently that spinning spring drew some serious blood! Served him right, and 23 years later is still a great story.

I LOVE THAT....