NSV!!
I have been pretty good at keeping track of all those victories we have through this process that make us smile. Well, I had another one this weekend. While it may seem vain and superficial, it meant a lot to me and I wanted to share it.
I have been going out riding every weekend. Being on the motorcycle for me is like being in church for most folks I reckon. I had a falling out with God a long time ago and it has been a struggle to regain that faith. I still dont go to church unless it's absolutely necessary. But on that bike, it's just me and the beauty of this world. And for that time, I am at peace. Stress and tension, worry and sorrow, everything heavy on my heart dissappears and there is nothing but peace. I am extremely grateful for that. Were it not for losing the weight, I would not have found this avenue for myself.
While out riding last Sunday, we stopped by a lake to drink some water and stretch. Now it has been hotter than blazes in Iowa. Some of us decided to hop in the lake. I did not. I am still too body conscious. The man I ride with decided that he would be playful and try to get me to go in. This of course made me laugh...well and run. I was expecting to be dragged into the water. I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for him to scoop me up in his arms and CARRY ME into the water. ME. I was held in someone's arms and carried. I have not been carried anywhere since i was probably 5 years old. I was a big child who grew into a big adult. I barely remember anyone carrying me ever. Yet here I am, 36 years old, scooped up and carried into the water. Superficial? Maybe. But it was another surprise victory that went deeper than someone carrying me. lol
I thought about it when he didnt let go and dump me into the water as I expected. He held onto me and I remembered what it felt like to be cared for. Maybe that's what made this one stick in my mind. And although being a smaller weight made it possible for this to click in my head, letting people in has been difficult for me in my life. The real victory is looking at my life after the hard work I have been doing the last few years, and seeing this wealth of human intimacy that I allow in. I finally feel worthy of being cared for and I am finally at a place in this life where i can let people care for me without being terrified or looking for what angle they are trying to gain or use. I had no idea the depth of loneliness and isolation I had been a prisioner of until the day I stopped and realized the cage had been opened and I had freed myself to love and be loved.
And to those who have been there for me, thank you for loving me gently, persistantly and patiently. In so many ways, I am waking up to my life. And the life I have always dreamed about and wanted and pined over, turned out to be the life I had. How cool is that!
I have been going out riding every weekend. Being on the motorcycle for me is like being in church for most folks I reckon. I had a falling out with God a long time ago and it has been a struggle to regain that faith. I still dont go to church unless it's absolutely necessary. But on that bike, it's just me and the beauty of this world. And for that time, I am at peace. Stress and tension, worry and sorrow, everything heavy on my heart dissappears and there is nothing but peace. I am extremely grateful for that. Were it not for losing the weight, I would not have found this avenue for myself.
While out riding last Sunday, we stopped by a lake to drink some water and stretch. Now it has been hotter than blazes in Iowa. Some of us decided to hop in the lake. I did not. I am still too body conscious. The man I ride with decided that he would be playful and try to get me to go in. This of course made me laugh...well and run. I was expecting to be dragged into the water. I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for him to scoop me up in his arms and CARRY ME into the water. ME. I was held in someone's arms and carried. I have not been carried anywhere since i was probably 5 years old. I was a big child who grew into a big adult. I barely remember anyone carrying me ever. Yet here I am, 36 years old, scooped up and carried into the water. Superficial? Maybe. But it was another surprise victory that went deeper than someone carrying me. lol
I thought about it when he didnt let go and dump me into the water as I expected. He held onto me and I remembered what it felt like to be cared for. Maybe that's what made this one stick in my mind. And although being a smaller weight made it possible for this to click in my head, letting people in has been difficult for me in my life. The real victory is looking at my life after the hard work I have been doing the last few years, and seeing this wealth of human intimacy that I allow in. I finally feel worthy of being cared for and I am finally at a place in this life where i can let people care for me without being terrified or looking for what angle they are trying to gain or use. I had no idea the depth of loneliness and isolation I had been a prisioner of until the day I stopped and realized the cage had been opened and I had freed myself to love and be loved.
And to those who have been there for me, thank you for loving me gently, persistantly and patiently. In so many ways, I am waking up to my life. And the life I have always dreamed about and wanted and pined over, turned out to be the life I had. How cool is that!
This is truly one of my favorite NSVs. I'm dork and I actually ask my hubby to pick me up every so often just so I can check that he still can. LOL...
So happy for you and the peace you get when riding. that's great!
So happy for you and the peace you get when riding. that's great!
"Enjoying my life and the confidence to experience more!
My support system: God, my husband, my family and wonderful friends!! I am so richly blessed and God is a God of second chances and this is one He has blessed me with and I'm not taking it for granted!!! Yeah
My support system: God, my husband, my family and wonderful friends!! I am so richly blessed and God is a God of second chances and this is one He has blessed me with and I'm not taking it for granted!!! Yeah
I can completely relate to your experience! I also find riding my motorcycle very relaxing and almost spiritual. While I have not yet gotten comfortable enough to allow my husband to pick me up, I do enjoy sitting on his lap as often as possible! It is something I could only dream of before my WLS. These seem like small things maybe to others who do not have to think twice about them, but to me they are victories that make me greatful each day.
This is my favorite NSV of all...you and I could talk for hours...I had a big falling out with religion, too and there are other experiences that fill that void for me, too. Hugs...
6-7-13 band removed. No revision. Facebook Failed Lapbands and Realize Bands group and WLS-Support for Regain and Revision Group
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