Post-op Body Image

 Thanks for all the great replies.  I am going to invest in some full length mirrors and try some yoga and swimming as well at least until my health issues have somewhat resolved and I can run again. (I have extreme lower back pain from a herniated disc and was recently diagnosed with neuropathy in both legs/feet which are all undergoing various tests to correctly diagnose).

Its good to know that I am not the only one with these head issues.  Thanks everyone!

Mallisa

I don't have this problem because I see/feel myself as I always have ... I spent most of my life not being obese than being obese so I just feel like I returned back to looking like I did when I left home to come here ... and now I will be going back looking almost the same ... But I also liked how I looked being on the big size what started bothering me was when the doctor started telling me I was 'morbid' obese and I had to lose weight ... I think it drove home 'some' when my husband's kidneys both shut down and we struggled through years of dialysis until finally a kidney transplant at which time I developed diabetes and was on glucovance twice daily ... I started worrying then ... then my daughter took a bad fall and I could not get to her as rapidly as I would have because I could not maneuver the flights of stairs ... now THAT drove home ... imagine here I was with five co-morbidities and impaired mobility and it was my DD falling that got me on that phone to say I AM READY .... and I have not regretted it one day since ... so I take my wrinkle... my shrink-les and my tiny old body and I rock it like there was no tomorrow ... I embrace it ... and before and after I am me ... who I want to be ... with all the ups and downs and challenges and successes that life has handed me I am determined to live joyously in spite of...

Embrace yourself my beautiful sista ... you ARE beautiful ... women were created that way ... in all sizes, shapes, colors or forms .... Last night I painted a beautiful hummingbird for an OH sista and I read your thread ... I watered down my pre-mixed acrylics that I was painting with and I painted a beautiful watercolor of your avie ... I would be glad to share with you when I get home and clean it up a bit tonight....

I guess in our minds eyes we are who we are at the end of the day ... beautiful children of God or the universe ... whatever each believes in or not... 

Have a lovely day!!!

OOOO!  this is so singing my song right now!  I am about your "age" surgery wise.  I have lost almost 300 pounds.  the last ten is so damn stubborn!  lol.  I am very good at using my humor to help me deal with all the changes.  For instance, I had two c-sections.  The up and down kind thank you very much.  Losing that much made the skin sag.  The scar goes up to my belly button.  THe scar is the fold line.  You following me here?  That's right.  I have a Frass.  A front ass.  My belly button looks like an arse hole.  ROFLMAO.  go ahead and laugh!  It's okay.  SOMEDAY, i will have surgery.  For now, me and my frass are on friendly terms for the most part. 

I have done the stand in front of the mirror nude and say i love you thing.  I go to counseling.  I go to wls support group religiously.  I exercise and I talk about whats in my head often.  I do that because it is a dangerous place for me in my head.  I need someone to call me on my b.s.  That's okay.  we all have things we need a little help with.  I am good with where I am at. 

But i cannot.  for the life of me.  recognize myself in pictures.  It is weird.  I dont know who that person is.  It cant be me.  I am a big girl.  Always have been big.  thats what my mind says.  When i look in the mirror it says, omg!  your still fat!  At which point i use all the tools in my arsenal to shut that brat up before she sets me off on a course of self destruction again.  I am LEARNING how to love myself as the universe, a higher power, god, whatevah, loves me.  UNCONDITIONALLY.  i got miles to go.  But at least i have stopped deliberately harming my attempts. 

Funny story.  I was out with the girls and we went dancing.  Now i do not go out much.  I am a divorced mom and I have little time to be out at a dang bar.  Plus i dont drink.  Someone was snappin away pics.  I saw them later.  One was of this chick with a nice butt and a slim hour glass waist line from behind.  I said, who is that?  My friend laughed a little and then looked at me.  She stopped smiling and said, Your kidding right?  I said, No, who is that in our picture.  She said, "It's you tootsie."   Dumbstruck.  Wow.  I have a nice ass people!  SWEET!  lol.  When i look in the mirror though....it is huge and has hanging skin.  it is the oddest thing. 

Dating has been an issue.  I have dated a couple of wonderful men since i have lost the majority of my weight but the minute things start to move past the safety point, I withdraw.  I think its flattering they think im cute in my clothes.  I had open and honest discussions with them about the surgery and what that means under the clothes (When the time was right) but actually getting to the naked part...yeah.  it is difficult.  I imagine that will take some time as well. 

I guess we just keep talking it out and doing the next right thing until our brains wake up?  i dont know.  I didnt do this to be pretty to be honest.  I did it because i have two wonderful children who i wasnt gonna see grow up if i didnt do something.  I was TIRED of killing myself and being sick.  So if the trade off is some extra skin to see my babies grown up, it is a SWEEEET bargain.  if i cant afford plastics, i will always know that I did this for all the right reasons and SOMEDAY i will find the right guy who doesnt care if he cant tell if I am coming or going in the middle region.  grin.   If you figure it out, let me know.  Me and my frass will be waiting patiently!  lmao.  Have a good one! 

OH!!  the other part of the picture story is that i had a panic moment.  You know the ones when you go to get up and walk out of an extremely crowded place and wonder how the hell you are going to get around people and chairs?  yeah.  Pure panic seized me and i must have looked horrified.  One of my male friends who happened to be at the event i was at noticed.  Now he lost 150 pounds on weigh****chers so he gets it.  He laughed and whispered, you will be fine.  So i start out.  and I am asking these peope to move and move in chairs like i am still wider around than i am tall.  They are all looking at me like i am obnoxious to be my size and asking for the entired aisle to be cleared so i can pass.  My friend laughing hysterically now grabs my hand and leads me out of the crowd while i stumble behind passing chairs with miles between them and myself and saying excuse me even to people i just pass by.  ugh.  it was not funny then but thinking on it now, my god i must have seemed like a loon. 

4.5 yrs post-op here and still have my "fat" days!  

When I realize that I am struggling with my body image issues, I go back to my "Before and After" pictures.  When I can't see the change in the mirror, holding 2 pics side by side helps put it in perspective!

You aren't alone!

Leslie

Im personally over 3 years and still see myself as very large. Not as large as I was but def way bigger then I want to be. I started training hard, setting goals for myself. Each time the goal weight was less and less. I dont see an end to it. I honostly dont think im going to feel comfortable at any weight. On the bright side it motovates me to work harder and harder.