If I could go back 7 Years....

 Good luck on your revision.  My biggest piece of advice is to get into counseling asap.  If you don't work on your relationship with food you won't be successful with any surgery.  

Mallisa

Thanks for sharing & what MAL said!

Thank you, yes, Heidi does shoot straight from the hip- but I don't expect anything less. She was one person I admired as a regular when i was here going through the process and still do. I am not looking for sympathy, and I am certainly not trying to scare anybody away or blame RNY. I wanted to apologize for being so hard on the DSers back in the day and feeling a little righteous during my 'prime'. I must be clear that I don't eat sugar, sweets or more than 3 cups of food a day. My body adjusted, my low blood pressure from my thyroid, my low oxygen from my anemia, just won't allow me to metabolize more than 1000 a day. I have zero energy to 'burn' them off. No excuses, as Heidi put it. I effed up and I do own it. It is hard and I didn't think it would be as I sailed through the first two years with little effort. YES, If I could go back 7 years I would go through it all again. I would be better prepared mentally for a life change. I guess what I wanted to get acrossed is that you will never NOT have to think about your weight or health after surgery. You will lose weight easily but that's the honeymoon period. Then comes the 'marriage' of you and your 'tool'. Permanent. Make it work or suffer. I talked to Dr. Rabkin in San Francisco, I've been in counseling for over a year now. I do eat healthy, I stopped drinking alcohol completely, i never went back to soda. I drink alot of coffee, and water. I walk, I take all my vitamins like clockwork. The scale hasn't budged but I feel better, and ready to do what ever he suggests I do and when and how he tells me to do it. I hope I can still count on OH to keep educated, moral support and sometimes a swift kick. Thanks. ~ HH

On behalf of the DSers, let me accept your gracious apology and wish you all the success in the world.

Thank you!!

 It sounds like you're well-prepared to start fresh.  I pray the DS and your new approach to your life will give you the success you want.

Thank you so much for the prayers and well wishes!

Wow Heather!
First post in over a year. I want you to know you have been a blessing to share so authentically.  You are contributing to all of us who need to be encouraged and reminded that we are not alone.  This post means a lot.  I was noticing this post has been read over 200 times.  Thank you for sharing so eloquently.  Take it easy

Heather,

Thank you for sharing your story. Your honesty, transparency and perspective will be helpful to so many. I particularly appreciated your utilization of hindsight to reflect on the various decisions that you realize negatively affected your journey.
I wish you all the best and hope that you continue on a path of self-discovery and health.
P.S. Sometime the responses may seem harsh, don't let that discourage you. As someone posted here, not too long ago:

""Do you have an clue how horrible it is to post you aren't doing well, things aren't going well etc and have 100 people read your post and no one even say I hope things get better. How exactly do you think that makes the poster feel? Am I the only one who sees these things? Am I the only one that can empathize with the person trying to reach out for support from a community of people who supposably get it.......

It just makes me sick the way people treat each other.""

So if this gets many views and few responses or harsh responses, it is not intended to show a lack of empathy.

Take care and best wishes.

 Thank you for the encouragement. I have a lot of thick skin ;) I've been back here reading on and off. I check in, I check my surgiversay board. I've wanted to reply to others but felt so foolish. I've even spent most of today looking for an updated profile picture but haven't had the guts to post one yet. I just really had my mind made up I wasn't going to fail. I understand some of the harsh responses because I never said it to anyone who 'failed' but thought, "how could you?, it's your last chance, it's so hard to get approval"..I said it to myself! 

The good thing, is...I know what some of my actions/ inactions were early on that took me on this path. I don't feel sorry for myself, absolutely no one else should. I want others to know you can't fail, you won't fail, as long as you are still trying. Thank you for your reply. ~ HH