My Newbie Brain - Long Post

Well.....I have been thinking...especially after seeing everything that jumped off on the board yesterday.  While the cir****tances were somewhat different (I admit that I was dead wrong in my situation way back then)....it really gave me flashbacks to my initial post op experience here on BAF.  I remember as if it were yesterday....having a little conflict (more on my part) with some of the Vets about this being more of a mental journey as opposed to a physical journey....I got all pissed because folks were posting recipes and talking about food all the time (WTF!!! It's laughable now that I think about it.)  Here I was still freshly cut off the slab....with new scabs still around my incisions and no one could tell me shiott.... I mean WTF was I thinking.  If I knew then what I knew now...I would have just shut the fluck up and listened. 

I am here to testify to the Newbies...as one that is almost 5 years out....that if folks don't heed some of the words of wisdom that the vets are handing out....you will be in my shoes in 5 years.
Still trying to meet goal and ashamed to even go to your nut for fear that they will ride your azzz up one side and down the other (only problem is ....in reality they could give a shioot less...they done got paid already).....but here I stand...drooling for a tummy tuck after almost five years....  That could have been done already...and my azzz riding in the wind on on somebody's Yamaha Cruiser right about now (LOL..wishful thinking).

Seriously...I have done the math and when I really think about it ...if I add the 6 months that I followed my Dr. planned post op regimen plus the last 3 months that I have been back on plan...that adds up to 9 months that I have actually tried to do things the right way.  All the time in between has been full of nothing but bullshioot. That's why I stayed away from BAF....I knew my shioot was stanky and most definitely...I would have been called on it.

The Definition of Bullshiott: Succeeding at eating any and everything possible only in small increment so that I could get it in....snacking ALL day long.  Trying to eat everything just to see if it will make me dump. Finding out that the only thing that makes me dump is Turnpike Rest Area Food (Don't ask) and Chinese Food...everything else is still fair game.  Drinking soda, beer, wine, Peach Schnapps and other calorie laden beverages.  Stopping by McDs on the way to work and on the way home because I planned poorly...This sounds like some preop shioot don't it!!!! well...I am sure you get my drift....all of this resulted in my weight creeping back up the scale.....all because I was still using food as my comforter...my companion, my lover, my friend (THE MENTAL)...still trying to cope with the loss of my sisters and all the other BS that happens on a daily basis. 

Well...I just realized that I was backsliding into those old behaviors...nothing nearly as bad as before but still not really healthy when I think about it. I had been posting like crazy all over this board...as if that's going to help me take the pounds off. I mean there is nothing wrong with posting if you really have something to say....but just to post just for the sake of feeling the need to say something....really is more of a newbie mindset.  Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with this...I know for me I do it because if makes me feel as if I am an active participant...that I am giving something.... I don't know...I guess for now...I feel the need to step back...and really read, listen and take heed as oppose to always trying to get a word in.


So you see....I really try to look at myself everyday...and think of what I might do differently...what might work for me.  For now...I am not going to be posting any new topics....(don't ya'll all at once...LOL!)...I am just going to listen and learn for a change.  Thanks for letting me share BAF...Glad I made it back.      

Thank-you Ms. MD, I have Book Marked this Topic!

YW Value Me!!! I wish you the best with your journey....

Awww- MD - ain't you just the fountain of wisdom?  LOL - just messing with you girl.

But I gotta dap you up - the ONLY reason I get hard on folk is because i don't want them to do what i have done- don't want them to open the pandora's boxes that I opened - Pandora was a slammin azz box building biotch yall - once you open that hoe - no turning back!!!!

So as *I* sit, almost 4 years out - waiting for UHC to PLEASE approve my TT so i can TRY to be a lil less FAT than I am, and a lil more comfortable in my own skin - I am also entering food on www.mydailyplate.com - back to tracking calories, protein and carb intake.

i will have my azz back in the gym tonight - back to Day 1 of the weightlifiting routine i had gotten 6 weeks into and dropped like a hot rock...... and STILL staring down the barrel of a carb loaded shotgun EVERY night around 9pm cause that's my time to snack like there's no tomorrow!!!!!

and hell - i say keep posting - sometimes we need shiot on here just for shiot's sake - ya dig? 

Thanks MM!!! I know for me that there hasn't been a day that goes by that I haven't taken something good and useful away from this board....really trying to stay focused on the positive. I am going to give BAF posting a rest for a minute and then reassess.  Thanks for all you contribute..you are a GOOD hot mess LOL!...still putting your all into this game. That's why everyone loves ya!!! 

You know I tried....mydaily plate...but they tried to charge me so I backed out and went back to www.fitday.com.  The free version of my daily plate did not meet my needs. Which version are you using...and if you are paying for it....is it truly worth it.  I wish they would let me test drive it a minute before I sign on.    

i have no clue what part of the site YOU were on - but *I* ain't paying for shiot!!!  I'll be a FAT AZZ MOFO before I PAY for a site to track my damn food!  LOL - i will pencil and paper this shoit before all that!!!!  LOL - i just never signed up for the gold - clicked continue registration......

  Well...I will try it again...and see if I can get in....If they ask...can I say that Mack Mama gave me a free pass.  

But you know most of the time you can't tell a grown mofo shiot! Human beings want to learn the hard way..that's the only way they get it...hell I am guilty of not taking advice

That's why I decided that was the LAST time I say offer up my experience...lol

Yes you are right Ro....lots of time folks need to hit bottom....but there are the minority that will heed advice because they are willing and ready.... Don't quit giving advise because you feel as if you have been burned....I am sure you can recall instances when someone did heed your advice.... And whether they heed it or not...its no skin off your back...you have got or are getting yours.....just take it with a grain of salt sister....at least you can't say you didn't try. Thanks for posting.