BLOOD IS THICKER...

I JUST RECENTLY LOST MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY ELDSET SISTER CAUSE SHE WASN'T GETTING ALONG WITH MY HUBBY AND HE WAS LIKE "IT'S ME....OR....HER," SO I HAD TO CHOOSE.  NOW SHE IS MAD AT ME CAUSE SHE WAS LIVING WIT ME AND CAUSING PROBLEMS IN MY MARRIAGE.  I COULDN'T  HAVE ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTER FOR MY HUSBAND, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO END MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FOR HIM , BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.   I FEEL SOOOOO TORN BETWEEN THE TWO.   I FEEL SOOO BAD NOW AND I MISS MY SISTER BUT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A SISTER AND NO HUSBAND.  WHY  CAN'T I HAVE BOTH?  ANYONE THAT CAN RELATE OR GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, WILL BE APPRECIATED.

I UNDERSTAD THAT COMPLETELY. BUT WHAT I AM AIMING AT IS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I APPRECIATE YOU R INPUT BUT UNLESS U HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS THEN U CAN'T RELATE.  IHAVE ALWAYS BEEN COO WIT MY SISTER BUT I HAVE ALSO ALWAYS BEEN SINGLE  IN THE PAST.

I HAVE WORKED HARD ON MY MARRIAGE AND I HAVE 2 KIDS WHO NEED THEIR DAD AND I.... WILL NOT DENY THEM OF THAT FOR MY SISTER, NEVER.  CAUSE THEIR FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS AND NO MATTER WHAT, THEY WILL NEVER FORGET ME TAKING THEIR DAD  FROM THEM, IF.... I EVER DID THAT TO THEM.  DO U HAVE KIDS? R THEY BY UR HUSBAND? 

IF NOT THEN U DON'T UNDERSTAND

You do not have to lose either but understand that if your sister is living in you and your husband's home and he is not feeling her then she would have to go, does not mean that you are losing her...My soon to be husband was in this situation and of course he chose me and I would do the same...He is #1 in my life and vice versa...Nobody can come between my spouse and I...Maybe my future children but that depends...You did the right thing in my eyes but do not count your sister out and advise your husband that you need the support from him to get through this.

THANK U GOURGIOUSISA, I FEEL THE SAME AND I KNOW SHE WILL GET OVER IT AND REALIZE THAT SHE WAS WRONG, NOT ME.  SHE WAS WRONG AND I AM NOT GONNA GET INTO THE DETAILS BUT, SHE WAS.   I CAN'T HELP THAT FACT THAT MY HUBBY DECIDED NOT TO LET IT RIDE, THIS IS HIS HOUSE. 

IF WE SPLIT UP THEN IT WILL BE A CONSENTUAL AGREEMENT AND NOT BECAUSE OF AN..Y..O..N..E ELSE. 
I LOVE MY BIG SIS FOR SURE AND MY HEART'S HEAVY  BUT I HAVE KIDS AND A FAMILY, SHE DOESN'T ,  IT'S JUST HER.

Lisa;

I have been in your shoes (still in them). The only advice I can give you is go to THE WORD! When you married this man you took vows to forsake all others for him and he did the same towards you. And yes, sometimes this means family! Momma, daddy's, sisters, brothers etc..They don't have a choice but to deal with it!

Sister will have to go! You cannot have confusion and drama in your home. Hubby is going to tired of this BS and start acting out in ways you don't want him to. If you can sit down with your sister and let her know. She is making you not the other way around. She is making you choose and if she makes you choose sister or not she gotta bounce!

I PRAY the best for you and your family!

This is why nobody lives with me and my family! Too much drama and we know Black folk loooovvveee drama! OMG!

That's why I have a strict policy on No Family on the couch, period.  (and I'm not married.) I am quick to find someone a nice hotel when they come in town because I'm not putting up with carting your azz around town, throwing my towels on the floor, not cleaning up after yourself, etc.  I learned quickly when I lived in Vegas that mofos thought they were staying in a hotel--but there was no nightly room charge nor a tip on the pillow when I cleaned up after their azz.   Family takes advantage of situations simply because their family. 

Your sister needs to realize that she is a grown woman and is intruding in on her sister's marital life.  You shouldn't have to choose but your sister should realize you aren't kids and realize that YOUR family (husband & kids) come first.

Exactly, she had already moved out and won't talk to me but, I know she'll get over it.  She is 40 years old and needs to grow up and get her sh*t together and get her own place.  I am only 29 and she was staying with me acting like she was running sh*t in MY house. 

I kept trying to talk to her but she didn't care, she was acting like what my husband had to say didn't matter to her and they got into a huge argument and that was it, I thought they were gonna start fighting and man I sure didn't want that so she had to leave, and my kids aren't used to being around stuff like that.  

I have a 2 and 8 year old who were starting to pick up her fowl language and rude habits, I am trying to raise my kids a certain way and she was interfering in that also.

So although it was an unfortunate situation it was a blessing in disguise. 

The Bible says "Leave & Cleave".  I'm in your shoes, my relationship is strained w/my oldest sister right now because she doesn't approve of how we're raising our teenage children (she only has a 2nd grader).  We had to lay down the law that this was OUR marriage and OUR family, we don't tell her how to run her household so unless asked, don't volunteer your information. (Information by the way was not even relevant - we've got kids in their teens & 20's, she's got a little, wild ADD 2nd grader)!  

I'm w/you sister. Pray for peace and understanding.  Above all else, remember ----- a SOFT answer turns away wrath.  Don't let the drama get to you. Hold onto your husband AND your children. YES, they need their Father like they need AIR!  It sure would suck to be a single mom - been there/done that for many years.

Hang in there Mammaz, storms don't last always (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus)!!!