My sista.... why you so MEAN?

I've had the same friends for over 20 years. Do we have differences and fall out sometimes? Hell Yes!!! Yet, we always get it together. It tickles me when women say that they get along better with men. I've always been comfortable around men. I can talk shiot with the best of them. With that being said, there is nothing like the comfort of a sister-friend! We can communicate with our eyebrows or a head nod. We provide strength, comfort, support and encouragement through good and bad times.

 

I can say that I get this from my Mom. My mother has always had great friends. She will compliment anyone on the street in a minute. I truly feel sorry for women that do not have a strong support circle of sister-friends. My bff is calling me right now. Time to laugh some more about this past weekend.

Thanks for this post, MM. That truly was a great article in Essence. I feel the Sista alienation, but I do reach out to others. If I make eye contact with another Black woman, I smile or speak. I also give compliments. On the other hand, I don't like when others have the audacity to stare you up and down without speaking or giving a compliment.

Based on my experiences, some Black women have competitive, jealous spirits. For example, a couple years ago one of my childhood friends got on the phone with her cousin while I was getting dressed to go out with her and said, she was jealous of me because I've gotten all skinny. LOL! Needless to say, she has never come back over to my house or gone out with me. I really believe she is jealous. There is absolutely no reason to be intimidated by another Black woman. We really need to be more supportive of one another.

Lastly, I've experienced that Black women in the South are more outgoing and approachable. Florida isn't included as the true South. In South Florida, the Sistas are not that friendly. I've spent a lot of time in all the other southern states as well and I've met more friendly Black women there than in  FL. So, I guess some of the cultural attitudes are influenced by geographical location too.

I really just wish we would all make a greater effort to get along!

I hear you on the Southern sisters.  As for FL, well the girls N of Daytona are real enough to redeem the S FL girls in my experience.  Then again, I'm a native NY'er where I'm ashamed to admit some of my ststers act like they get paid to be mean. 

I was so tired of my own people ******g me off that I made a decision a while back to be extra nice and reach out to my sisters.  It works about 50% of the time.  The other 50% I'm ignored or viewed as suspect. 

Too many of us know no other way to behave other than to be divisive; always fearful another Black woman will take something from us even if we have nothing to steal.  We are divided and therefore conquered and most of us don't know it.   We envy a sisters success instead of asking her to show us how she got there.  We keep the keys to our own accomplishments a secret instead of taking a sister under our wing.  We patronize other businesses and scorn what our sisters try to build something so that everyone on the planet provides goods and services to our neighborhoods but us. 

By now you can tell this is something that has frustrated me for a long time and I don't know the answer.  We should not need to be part of a formal 'program' to reach out to a sister.  Mutual respect should allow us to build new relationships with women we just meet.

We are much too hard on each other and worse yet, often easier on other women.   Nevertheless, I can't give up on my girls. 

I can't even lie - I will mentor an 'other' before I mentor a sista.  ~smh~ just had too many bad experiences to keep putting myself out on the ledge. 

I'm one that always wears a smile and will always speak no matter what. I try to be the happiest person I can be. That being said I don't develop too many new friendships. I don't know if it is because of all the times I've been stabbed in the back, my shyness, or because I know it might lead to someone wanting to always call and talk (I hate that. I have other things to do than just sit on the phone and talk to you about nothing). I just think it's funny that you started this topic because I just said to someone that I'm going to have to make an effort to make more friends here (ETA: In Sacramento not on the board). Now after reading responses I'm not sure if I want to. I had forgotten for a moment how females can be.

Truth be told if everyone was as open as they say they were on these thread we really wouldn't have the issue now would we?lol

I would like to believe that I'm  not one of "those women" but only another woman could tell me that since its not really how you think you're precieved but its about others opinion or impression of you.

So with that said I'll speak from what others have said to me or about me to others. I am very friendly, helpful and positive. I try to bring or add value to each conversation, meeting, or relationship I'm in. I will always say when I think someone's doing their thing if its in fashion, status, or profesional. I take a page from Shani and I rather tutor from you than to hate on you...

I've learned by many bumps that there is no reason to hate on you for what you got because if its for me then God got enough for both of us if it ain't for me I need to have a talk with Him not you.


Lastly, as I type this I think its also your "moma nem" baggage of there only being room for one token in the office or the man liking the light skinned or thin woman whatever "she" was that "momma nem" wasn't. They were always on the defensive and we were taught to down talk our sistas from listening to them.

Just  my lil cents lol

I hear you on the issue of perception.  Repeatedly I've been told that I'm surprisingly easy going, yet I seem unapproachable until I'm in conversation. 

I'm the one that is always smiling lol....Quic to throw a smile someone's way or attmept a witty comment lol...however I'm very quiet and thoughtful I say its the fighting of my moms and dad personality types lmao

I find that some sistas u cant compliment. This sista had on a outfit that look like it was made for her and being me said "you look realy nice today" she replied, "Im not gay". My eyes got big and all I could say is" me either just giving u props." Wow! is this what it all come down to, saying something nice to someone your hitting on them?