Help! I feel like I may be sabotaging myself!

Hello all! I am really worried about my behavior the past several weeks and wanted to see if anyone was experiencing the same or could offer me some advice or support. I started this WLS journey with a surgery date of 8/2005 I started at 425 lbs and was down to 252 lbs at the first of the year. I still feel like a big girl but realize that starting SMO I would lose to about 200 lbs. It has been about 18 months now and I notice I am so lax about my behaviors now (I was so disciplined and proud of my self control). I eat some carbs, fail to make the time to work out, allow sweet bites to inch into my day and I actually find myself having little snacks (something I never did the first 16 months!) I am weighing in at 260 this morning, feel bloated, and I want to sit down and cry uncontrollably...I am feeling as though I am heading down the wrong road...I want to stop!!! I have to!! The thing most disturbing to me is that I tend to now eat until I feel uncomfortable, like I have lost the sense to stop when I should. Then I feel hungry again in a couple of hours. I feel so desperate! I do not want to ever be the "old me" ever again.....Can someone indentify or offer some help? Please? Feeling desperate, Michelle  

I know what you mean.  I started at 409 in November 2004 and got down to 193 back in November 2006 at two years out.  Then the holidays got me and I saw the scales go up to 209 by Jan 15.  I sat down and cried.  Then I made some decisions.  I went through my house and threw away all the carbs including the whole grains (they were just too tempting for me).  I went back to basics, upped my protein.  If I think I am hungry I drink at least 4oz of water before reaching for something to eat.  If I still think I am hungry, I drink/eat 4 oz of protein drink/pudding.  Then wait another 20 minutes. I set a timer on my phone for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner with a snack in mid-afternoon.   I haven't really started exercise back up everyday the way I was doing before Thanksgiving but I am parking further away from the office/mall/etc and walking.  I also started writing everything down I put in my mouth.  This opened my eyes to my caloric intake.  I had gotten lax.  I have now 1 month since starting this lost 10 lbs.  I am at 199 as of Monday.  I don't know if this will work for you or not but I thought I would share my schedule with you.  I find I have to have routine or I get lax.  Good Luck and you can get the weight back off.  It does take discipline but it can be done.  It is a daily or even hourly struggle for me. Lise 11/29/06 Lap RNY Dr Gorospe, Tulsa OK 409/199/180 

Lise, Congrats on your 10 lbs off in just 1 month!  That is commendable!

Thank you so much for sharing your routine with me, Lise.  I agree that without some structure in my life I tend to be excessive.  I think your advice makes perfect sense, I need to do something very similar, starting with the Carb removal from my home!  I think unhealthy foods are so much more convenient that they are what I have been reaching for.  I also have a new job that requires so much more of my time plus a long commute that I have not been exercising like I need to.... Thank you for your support, I appreciate knowing that i am not alone, and that others have experienced the same and have successfully overcome this....I need the hope! Take care and continued success! Michelle

Lise, Thanks for posting what you are doing...I think I'm gonna try it! Lori

Michelle, I am still waiting to have my surgery, but have a close friend who started out at 515 lbs.  He got down to 275, but has since gained back to 337.  He stoped the increasing weight by watching his intake, but he didn't start to re-loose the weight untill he went back to his Post surgery diet.  Unfortunetly for him, he has streached out his pouch quite a bit, and so he is finding sticking to this diet difficult, but it is working.  He also started hitting the gym more regularly.  I hope this helps, as it seems to work for him.  I will keep you in my prayers,  Good luck. Richard

Michelle, I can so relate!  I still exercise, but, I really struggle with eating properly.  I started out at 384, my lowest weight got to 233, but, now I'm back to 240.  I'm actually going to see a therapist tomorrow to see if I can work on the emotional issues that make me eat.  You have probably seen this post before, but, in case you haven't, here it is again.  I find it helpful.

22 Reasons You Might Be Fat Forever

 

(from eDiets.com)

 

 

Are you frustrated with being overweight, and you don’t know what to do?  Usually we tell you what you need to do, but, here’s a twist:  We’re here with 22 reasons why you’re failing to make progress.  Don’t take it as a scolding, but as inspiration to get the job done.

 

1. You are still looking for a quick and easy solution to weight loss.
2. You think that diet and exercise are the only essential factors involved in weight loss.
3. You have not identified the psychological reasons that drive your eating patterns.
4. You have not learned to manage or heal the psychological reasons that drive your eating patterns.
5. You have a fear of or resistance to growing up and becoming a full adult.
6. You use food as a reward or a treat after any or all stressful events.
7. You think you can lose weight without making exercise a regular part of your day, every day.
8. You think you can lose weight by doing it “your way.”
9. You expect to lose weight without making significant lifestyle changes.
10. You refuse to learn to become a good receiver as well as a good giver.
11. You have never learned to be effectively and appropriately assertive.
12. you have not learned to express your anger in a healthy, honest fashion.
13. You have not learned to be self-nurturing, except with food.
14. You are excessively self-critical.
15. You refuse to take responsibility for your life.
16. You resist learning to love yourself.
17. You resist learning to love your body before it is thin.
18. You have not faced your inner fears of being thin.
19. You are certain that spirituality (a connection to a force greater than you) is irrelevant to weight loss.
20. You think you can lose significant weight without the support of others.
21. You have deep emotional wounds that you refuse to explore and heal.
22. You are not prepared to have weight be an issue that you will have to face each and every day for the rest of your life.

 

OK, now you have some incredibly important information about yourself and the things that are blocking your weight loss.  You now have a choice.  You can get depressed and go into avoidance or denial, or you can choose to make a renewed and informed commitment to your growth and well-being.  The decision you make could change your life and your body for good! Hang in there Michelle...this is a very hard thing for all of us.  I know it sure is for me! Lori