A Baby WOW..and some signs of goal progress
Yesterday in the car I suddenly wondered if I still needed my seat belt extender. And I DIDN'T 
. Okay, there's not that much extra room, but there's enough to not strangle me or squash the insulation. I'm not feeling any lighter or seeing any clothing changes yet, so this was a biggy for me.
More important though, is I am starting to notice that I am beginning to trust that I can feed myself and not put on weight. I began to vary my daily food intake a couple of weeks ago, and it was emotionally really hard not to give up and quick the diet. I was sure I had cheated and gained weight. Sticking with plans, especially when dieting, is a big deal for an obsessive like me. At the same time I am learning not to weigh myself obsessively by not owning a scale and only going to the doctor's office once a week or even better, every two weeks. Because of this I am having to fight the panic and other negative feelings that would lead me to eat to numb, and practice new ways to handle the stress. I am seeing lots of progress here 
.
But man, am I really seeing how WLS is a tool, and one I need to smooth out the edge of this learning process. Those who think this is the easy way out are so wrong. If done right, with all the real changes we have to make, emotionally as well as physically, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. And it has taken all the courage I have to do it so far. But I think now I really understand how unless you are truly ready, you can not begin or succeed in this process.
-J
. Okay, there's not that much extra room, but there's enough to not strangle me or squash the insulation. I'm not feeling any lighter or seeing any clothing changes yet, so this was a biggy for me.
More important though, is I am starting to notice that I am beginning to trust that I can feed myself and not put on weight. I began to vary my daily food intake a couple of weeks ago, and it was emotionally really hard not to give up and quick the diet. I was sure I had cheated and gained weight. Sticking with plans, especially when dieting, is a big deal for an obsessive like me. At the same time I am learning not to weigh myself obsessively by not owning a scale and only going to the doctor's office once a week or even better, every two weeks. Because of this I am having to fight the panic and other negative feelings that would lead me to eat to numb, and practice new ways to handle the stress. I am seeing lots of progress here .
But man, am I really seeing how WLS is a tool, and one I need to smooth out the edge of this learning process. Those who think this is the easy way out are so wrong. If done right, with all the real changes we have to make, emotionally as well as physically, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. And it has taken all the courage I have to do it so far. But I think now I really understand how unless you are truly ready, you can not begin or succeed in this process.
-J 
(deactivated member)
on 7/11/07 1:24 am - San Antonio, TX
on 7/11/07 1:24 am - San Antonio, TX
I think that's a big wow moment! Between the extender and all of the realizations you are making about yourself getting ready for surgery, you are doing amazing!
(deactivated member)
on 7/11/07 8:25 am - San Antonio, TX
on 7/11/07 8:25 am - San Antonio, TX
Haha lets start with the dunnybocter explanation (which is mildly embarrassing). My husband's nickname for me is Bunny - not sure why but its better than cupcake or something like that 
and since I am getting my PhD I will be a doctor, but one day Ryan went to call me Doctor Bunny and actually said "dunnybocter" and it just stuck.
As for the PhD, I am getting it in bioinformatics and genome evolution, so basically I am using a computer all day to look at how bacteria evolve, by looking at their genomes. I am especially interested in the evolution of pathogenicity - how bacteria evolve to make you sick, and the "core genome" required for a bacterium to be alive - what metabolic activities are absolutely required for life?
I am starting my fourth doctoral year this fall, and my masters degree was in microbiology, so I've been studying the little bugs for almost seven years now. As for funding, I am supported by a fellowship called MBRS-RISE which is for minority students and people from disadvantaged backgrounds. I am sort of considered a minority because I am female, but I am mostly just considered disadvantaged because I grew up extremely poor. Anyway, MBRS-RISE is supposed to fund me until I graduate, so I don't have to teach to support myself or anything, but they have to renew their grant from the NIH every few years. Now as you may know, NIH money is extremely tight with the current president, so its extremely competitive. They will not find out if their grant is renewed until January, so I may lose my fellowship.
The good news is that I am funded at least until next May, but its possible I'll have to teach during my fifth year. That's ok, its time consuming but I taught biology at a university before and anatomy at a junior college several times. Teaching is not bad at all, I kind of enjoy it. Its more of a time issue.
The other good news at the meeting was that PhD students will finally recieve health insurance. Most big schools already give PhD students that, so we pitched a fit and it actually worked 
Every now and again our school gets something right!
So there, I spilled.
I think any little thing you notice is a good sign of progress. Just enjoy it each time you realize something like your seatbelt fits or your shoes are loose or your underwear keep falling down or you fit in the bathtub better 
Every time something like that happens, let it make your day! Best Wishes, Jenn
and since I am getting my PhD I will be a doctor, but one day Ryan went to call me Doctor Bunny and actually said "dunnybocter" and it just stuck.
As for the PhD, I am getting it in bioinformatics and genome evolution, so basically I am using a computer all day to look at how bacteria evolve, by looking at their genomes. I am especially interested in the evolution of pathogenicity - how bacteria evolve to make you sick, and the "core genome" required for a bacterium to be alive - what metabolic activities are absolutely required for life?
I am starting my fourth doctoral year this fall, and my masters degree was in microbiology, so I've been studying the little bugs for almost seven years now. As for funding, I am supported by a fellowship called MBRS-RISE which is for minority students and people from disadvantaged backgrounds. I am sort of considered a minority because I am female, but I am mostly just considered disadvantaged because I grew up extremely poor. Anyway, MBRS-RISE is supposed to fund me until I graduate, so I don't have to teach to support myself or anything, but they have to renew their grant from the NIH every few years. Now as you may know, NIH money is extremely tight with the current president, so its extremely competitive. They will not find out if their grant is renewed until January, so I may lose my fellowship.
The good news is that I am funded at least until next May, but its possible I'll have to teach during my fifth year. That's ok, its time consuming but I taught biology at a university before and anatomy at a junior college several times. Teaching is not bad at all, I kind of enjoy it. Its more of a time issue.
The other good news at the meeting was that PhD students will finally recieve health insurance. Most big schools already give PhD students that, so we pitched a fit and it actually worked Every now and again our school gets something right!
So there, I spilled.
I think any little thing you notice is a good sign of progress. Just enjoy it each time you realize something like your seatbelt fits or your shoes are loose or your underwear keep falling down or you fit in the bathtub better Every time something like that happens, let it make your day! Best Wishes, Jenn Hon, you are so ahead of the curve! Wow, such amazing insight, it's going to help so much once you have surgery. By doing the work now you are going to be a huge success - that's most of the battle, the mental aspect.
And congrats on the seat belt! Just wait a few more months and it will be like second nature and so easy to fit! I've also had to keep moving my car seat up, my legs just seem to get shorter every month! 
I don't think I have to worry about my legs getting shorter, PJ. At my physical a couple of weeks ago I had got back an inch of height just from losing weight!!!
I'm not sure if I was just slow, but doing the mental work has been a very, very long process for me. But I do hope it well help me once I have the surgery. I watch Big Medicine I can understand so much of what they talk about with the concerns about the clients before and after surgery. Same thing with the Brookhaven show. I see myself before, and after the work I am/have done.
-J
I think that's a big WOW, too! I was noticing today how nice it is to be able to drive and not have the steering wheel digging into my fat belly.
I'm impressed that you are feeling confident enough about food to vary your plan. I don't have that much faith in myself yet, and I'm prone to food ruts, anyway, so I haven't been as adventurous as others in my surgery support group.
Keep up the great work, and you will definitely outshine us all!
Kix
Your post reminded me of a post I received today from the Living After WLS Newsletter. I thought you might gain something from it. I highly recommend livingafterwls.com website.
| Fixing Broken Windows |
|
by Kaye Bailey
There is a popular theory in urban renewal that suggests fixing broken windows as they happen is the key to reducing crime and preventing urban decay. The theory is based on a 1982 Atlantic Monthly article by George L. Kelling. He writes, "Consider a building with a few broken windows. If the windows are not repaired the tendency is for vandals to break a few more windows. Eventually, they may even break into the building, and if it's unoccupied, perhaps become squatters or light fires inside."
Perhaps it's a stretch but I believe it is possible to apply the "Broken Window" theory to our post-weight loss surgery health and wellness. The broken window, of course, would be a lapse in compliance with our program: eating unhealthy foods, the absence of exercise and so forth. If we break a window one day and do not fix it the next then we risk breaking another window. But if we practice self-renewal and fix that broken window promptly we can avoid the intrusion of vandals and squatters who would break more windows and pollute our healthy new body.
The challenge herein is that if we allow the broken window to go without repair we then become the vandals to our own building (body). At times it is far easier to give permission to the squatters than it is to kick them out. One day of missed exercise leads to another and another and pretty soon the sloth-squatter has set-up camp in our building. I know for me all it takes is three missed workout sessions and my sloth-squatter is quite at home enjoying the broken windows. But when I saw the pattern I came to understand that one broken window (missed workout) could be repaired without struggle. Repairing three broken windows demands a forceful and determined self-renewal to fix my building.
In cities and in life there will always be broken windows. A broken window is not a sign of failure or neglect. Windows are made of fragile glass that sometimes breaks. And though we may pretend to be tough as steel we are more like glass: fragile and prone to occasional breakage. Windows can be fixed. Fix your broken windows promptly and forbid the squatter's entry. You've worked hard for your new life; give yourself the gift of self-renewal.
Kaye Recommends: Some helpful books in the battle of self-renewal: Eating Mindfully: How to End Mindless Eating and Enjoy a Balanced Relationship with Food |
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