DESPERATELY NEEDING ENCOURAGEMENT THINKING SERIOUSLY ABOUT NOT GETTING...

I'm desperately seeking encouragement to follow through with the surgery. I'm supposed to go for preadmission orders from surgeon and to get a set date January 18 and I'm seriously thinking about canceling that appointment mainly due to fear. I keep thinking that once I'm able to eat again I won't be able to control the amount and that while on liquids I'm going to crave food. I don't know how to handle this. My stomach is very tense 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Heather

Heather, If you were not scared I would be worried. I go to my surgeon for my first visit on the 24th of Jan. I think we are all scared. Scared of the unknown. But you took the first step by asking for help so you must down deep want this surgery. NO one can make the choice but you. Maybe you should make an appointment with a counselor talk to them. I am sure if you look deep into yourself you will do what is right for you. Take a piece of paper and do the pro's and con's i did that. Then walk over to the mirror look yourself in the eye and ask yourself what do I want??? Good Luck and know that we are all here for you. Priscilla

Oh Heather!!! I KNOW just how youre feeling. After a whole year of trying to get the WLS.......I almost canceled when I was in the pre-op room. I was terrified!! The doctor came in and told me that I could leave if I wanted to,that she would see me again in a few months to start the process all over again. My family talked me out of it. they said i had been trying for so long to get the surgery. I was so bitter at first. I wont lie to you...the first 2 weeks or so are no picnic. I missed food and eating so much I thought I would die. But do you know what? Everyone told me it would get easier and it has. I havent had ONE single complication. I havent been nauseous, barfed, or anything like that . I can eat any food that I want (just in very small amounts). I was just thinking to myself today that I wanted to post and let any pre-op know that it is worth it. I have lost over 70 pounds and I couldnt have done that on my own. If I can do ANYTHING for you to allay your fears, please let me know! You can email me anytime at [email protected] You will be amazed at what this surgery can do for you!! willby thinsoon

Wow, I think the two entries above are so encouraging.... now these ladies know what they are talking about... so listen to them!!!! Heather, no one can make you do anything you really don't want to do, but at one time you really wanted to have wls. You seem to trust your doctor, you even have had him for another surgery! You are worried about the "what if's" which actually may never be. WE all could go on forever and do nothing if we worried about all the what if's in our life - but we would get no where and do nothing. You miight not be able to control your food intake after wls, but more than likely your little pouch will let you know when you have had too much! I even wrote Willby an "ode to the grouchy pouchy" once! Yes, you might have food cravings, I remember right after surgery Jeremy craved chicken... not chocolate... but chicken! You say you don't know how to handle the what if's... that is where this and other support groups fit in... you might also look into some counseling to help you through this life changin event! After your last surgery did you have some restrictions or on your medications???? See you have figured out how to handle these things in the past. This wls can help you and your doctor along with his assistant is there to be of support to make this surgery a success. Lean on those of us for that help! Listen to the words they share... perhaps their wisdom can assist you with the answers to all of your "what if's". I send you a gentle hug and whisper.... "Take a deep breath Heather and change is so hard sometimes but remember we are here" Take Care, Aunt Pam

Heather, Everything you are feeling is really quite normal. I think almost everyone who has gone through this surgery has had second thoughts about it at one point or another. Your fears of not being able to control yourself are also quite common. I had them too. Its not easy to imagine that you can control something like that when you havent had control in years.. You are the only one who can make the decision to go through with the surgery or to cancel- You are the one who has to do what is best for you. Thats a very personal decision that only you can make. We are all here to give you the support and encouragement to get through this no matter what you chose to do! For me the surgery was my only way to live.. My weight and other health problems were making life too hard. Now that Ive lost 100+lbs life is so much better. I have had some slight complications but nothing that I couldnt deal with. I dont regret my surgery at all. I have control of my food intake for the first time that I can remember. I have learned to eat much healthier and learned to accept that I cant eat certain foods.. It hasnt been easy, but it can be done.. I wish you the best of luck making the decision on what to do. Let us know what you decide! We are here to help you with whatever we can! Amber

The beauty of the tool is you don't control the amount anymore. You may start out at a meal thinking I wish I could eat a big plate full of this, but you are content with a small amount. If you do over do it, you learn fast that you are so uncomfortable that you don't want to do it again. We had a wonderful stir fry meal last night. I have a lunch plate, as my husband calls it, in the fridge. It was so good I get to eat it twice. In the past I would have pigged out and only enjoyed it once. Fear is normal in this process, but try not to be afraid that you won't succed. Yes, the liquid portion of the post-op is a drag, but I spent so much time getting in my water and Crystal Lite that I didn't have much time to "eat". I wish you the very best. Keep coming back. we care. Loris

Hi Heather, You have gotten some pretty good advice and words of wisdom here. I know when I finally get a date, I will probably need to be told the same things. As everyone else has said, only YOU can make this decision for you. Only you can decide whether or not to go through with this. I have to tell you I'm frightened also. I was really afraid when I first found OH in Oct. But I'm more frightened that if I don't have this surgery, that I won't be around to enjoy my children and watching them grow up. This didn't really hit home for me when I went to my pcp last month. She enlightened me of fact that my health is only destined to decline from here on out. Nor will I have the opportunity to really live! After hearing the experiences of those that have had the surgery, I have to believe that you will be happy that you decided to go throug with it if indeed you do go through with it. Ask yourself, Am I living the life that I want to live now? And will I have a chance to live the life that I want to live if I don't go through with this surgery? I have found it most helpful to read about others experiences and see how things could possibly be for me after I have WLS. Plus I come here to the OH message boards everyday. All of the great people around here has really helped me get rid of my fears. I hope you have that very same experience. Whatever you decide, I wish the best of luck in your journey! Cassandra

Dear Heather, While it is good to have an honest evaluation of your future ability to discipline your eating, don't forget that you will have time post-op to get used to your new way of approaching food. I had my surgery in Nov. and had no complications at all. I am still learning how to eat slowly--my greatest challenge--so I don't get sick. The amount is not the issue for me. I have not had any cravings (and I used to crave pizza frequently) even at night while watching TV. I was on liquids for two weeks prior to surgery and did want some solids. Post surgery has actually been easier. I am trying to use these early months to establish good eating and exercising behaviors so when the challenges come, I will have good habits to fall back on. The greatest issue for me right now is my own head--it is full of "shoulds" and "musts" and "what ifs" that I have to ignore. I simply focus on my power to choose and what my goals are. And my goals aren't a certain weight by a certain time but that I make the good choices. If your surgeon is part of a bariatric program that has a local support group, I suggest you start attending those. There is something calming and encouraging just being around others who are experiencing the same issues as yourself. But--and this is important--if you do an honest assessment of yourself and know that you will not have the discipline to eat and exercise as instructed, you should consider not having the surgery. The surgery only provides the physical ability to be satisfied with less and absorb fewer calories. But it does not address "head hunger" and emotional eating. That is part of the behavioral changes you must choose to make. My life had simply become too small. I could barely walk across campus; all possible activities were judged by the energy required and the likelihood of literally fitting! I could barely do my shopping because I could not stand long in the check out counter. When I had the day I understood how people become bed-bound and 500+ pounds, I knew I had to do something. My choice was very much last ditch effort. So keep reading, keep learning, and keep being honest with yourself and your doctor. Best of luck whatever your decision, Sally

Heather, I waited 5 years before I tried to have the surgery before I finally did for the exact same reasons as you state. I didn't think I could trust myself to do this right. But, like Sally says in her post, my world was becoming to small. Being Super Morbidly Obese was really affecting the quality of my life and I was very afraid of developing all the health issues that both of my parents have. When I first got the surgery I was shocked to find out I had no appetite at all. I had to eat and drink on a schedule to make sure I got in the minimum requirements. This lasted for about 4 months. I'm just over 7 months now and my "head hunger" has returned. I try and deal with it by having healthy snacks around me. I take them to work with me. I always pre-plan...I really have to or if I don't I start looking for something to eat, which is usually not the best choice. Another thing that has really helped me is exercising. I did some walking within the first 10 weeks of the surgery, but, really felt low on energy. About week 12 I started a serious walking program, after about 7 weeks, I joined a gym, got a trainer to give me a routine once every 6 weeks. I've been very faithful to that routine 5 days a week for the past 20 weeks. I would never have been able to do this if I still had the weight. I had to walk with a cane (even though I'm only 44 years old) due to arthritis and knee pain. Now, I feel unstoppable. I've lost 121 lbs. I still have 90+ to go, but, really feel great! No one can make this decision for you Heather. In order to be successful, you do have to be ready. It is not a magic pill, it is a tool that does still require commitment to make it work. Good luck on your decision. We will support you here regardless of what you decide. Lori 384/263/168

Heather, I am a nonop. I consider myself to be the exception who proves the rule. Your concerns (should I or should I not have WLS?) are expressed on this site so often that I have a standard response: I am not interested in talking someone into or out of WLS. It is a very personal decision that requires careful research. It also requires that you be perfectly honest with yourself. Here are some questions to consider about going the nonop route: Will you be able to maintain a way of eating that includes strict calorie counting? Are you willing to be hungry for weeks or months? Will you be able avoid overeating during stressful times? Family celebrations? Holidays? Parties? Restaurants? Will you maintain a vigorous, time-consuming and probably expensive exercise program for the rest of your life? Even when you don't feel like exercising? Even when it rains? Even when it snows? Even when it's 100 degrees outside, or 10 degrees outside? Even when everyone else in the gym looks thin and fit and fabulous in their size 2 spandex bike shorts and you feel like a cow in your size 26 sweats? Losing weight without surgery means I don't have a tool that can restrict how much and what I eat. It means there is nothing but my willpower that keeps me from eating a pound of chocolate-covered raisins or drinking a gallon of eggnog. It means I have to do what virtually everyone on this site says they can't do without surgery. You might want to visit the nonop board: http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/member-interests/non_postops/ Best of luck. Kasey 365/210 (nonop)