I HATE CPAP MACHINE!!

Tigrlilly1
on 12/9/09 7:53 am

 I do. I hate it! Not that I expect anyone loves theirs. I'm not sure I can describe how this ugly little thing makes me feel.
           I cried the day I got it and thought, "there is no way I am wearing that!" My fiance laughed at me when he saw me with it on and that brought on more tears.
   It's not bad enough that I am morbidly obese and feel so unattractive 99% of the time? It is not enough that intimacy only happens with the lights off anymore?  It is soooo un-sexy and let's face it UGLY! I look like a visitor from another planet. 
           Can it be vanity at 278lbs.? I mean really, how is this little machine capable of stripping the last bit of self -esteem I have left?
            Does anyone else understand this and will I ever be RID of the little BEAST???

ReCurve
on 12/9/09 8:13 am - Peoria, AZ
Been there and done that. I couldn't sleep on my back even. I hated that thing almost as much as I hate my wife. :P
I made myself use it. I would toss it off after a couple hours and roll over when I couldn't stand it. After a month or so the SOB grew on me.
I got used to it, after that I loved it. I had no idea how sleep deprived I was. It had been so long sense I really slept i didn't even know what real rem sleep was.
It will blow cob webs out of you skull, you never knew you had.
The damn thing became a crutch for me, after I lost 50 or 60 lbs I didn't need it anymore, but it was tough for me to give up.
Almost as hard as quitting smoking.
Funny story though, after years of my wife's sharp elbows, and viscous pokes in the middle of the night complaining about my snoring, guess what we found out KIM (my Nazi wife) snores too.
Tigrlilly1
on 12/9/09 8:30 am
Thanks ReCurve. I can't sleep with it all night either yet. I am trying but I don't sleep with it on in front of my BF. He yells at me for it but I am so self conscious of the way I look in it.
      I am trying to overcome the way it makes me feel. Just looking forward to the day I no longer need it.
sunnidayrain
on 12/9/09 8:28 am - TX
I totally hated mine.. I felt stupid and ugly..  but like PP it grew on me. At first it was so uncomfortable.. but somehow WOW it worked. I slept better than I had in such a long time and wasnt tired all the time anymore!  It grew to being afraid to sleep without it.. really.. as dumb as that sounds. I no longer Need my CPAP now after loosing over 100 lbs since July .. but Im afraid to give it up.. Yes.. I look like freaking darth vadar at night and its not great for spur of the moment intimacy.. but the quality of sleep is well..awesome..  I didnt snore horrible loud like I did  once I started using the CPAP so I know that it wasnt as that that was really attractive anyway.
   My advice is use a full face mask.. one with mouth and nose coverage.... AND the machine that also has humidity.. where you add distilled water. My husband's cpap DID NOT have this and he never got used to his at all.
   In addition.. give the cpap 1-2 months.. Seriously  you should start feeling better during the day.. more rested  and get used to the stupid mask and machine.

Good luck.. Remember.. that sleep apnea and the CPAP is one little comorbidity that you can use  get  the insurance coverage for the DS.

Ami



                                       
 Adoptive mom to 3 children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders     
Tigrlilly1
on 12/9/09 8:40 am
Ami, it is hard to get used to and very uncomfortable! I should try harder to laugh at myself and take the good I will get from it. I know it would feel great to not be sooo tired all the time.
   Mine does have the place to pu****er and I tried that for the first time last nite but I couldn't tell any difference. And mine just goes over my nose. You know what, It just starts to make me feel claustrophobic after while and I just rip it off. Maybe I will change the mask.

 I am seriously hoping to have no problems with insurance approval. I have called them 3 times to verify requirements for approval. Being a little OCD.
Batwingsman
on 12/9/09 8:33 am - Garland, TX
I've told my story on here many times how initially I didn't even get a machine, b/c my sleep study supposedly showed that my apnea was too severe to even work with one (either CPAP or BiPAP, even w. O2 added) .     However, when I started falling asleep ("microsleep") during certain acitvities, including hearing myself snoring during a recorded statement session with a client of mine and an ins. co. rep., I knew I had to do something about the condition.  I just could not get used to wearing the mask and considered the uvulopalatoplasty procedure (or whatever they call it) as an option.  However, my ENT surgical evaluation suggested only a permanent tracheostomy would be effective for me.  NO WAY in heck I was going to get one of those ugly and noisy holes in my throat,    so I forced msyelf to like my CPAP, despite having to have it ramped up so high.  After a week or so I actually not only tolerated it, but became dependent on it, before I had WLS.  My physical problems and productivity improved significantly after I started using it.     

  Please use it!   The dangers of heart damage, high blood pressure, and/or stroke, caused or aggravated by sleep apnea, as well as microsleeping while driving or doing other hazardous acitvities, are just too great to blow it off (no pun intended).   Studies have shown the serious and even deadly toll that uncorrected obstructive apnea can do to the body over time. 

Frank talk about the DS / "All I ever wanted to be was thin, like that Rolling Stones dude ... "

HW/461 LW/251 GW/189 CW/274 (yep, a DS semi-failure - it happens :-( )

Tigrlilly1
on 12/9/09 8:46 am
I am aware that there are serious dangers aggravated by sleep apnea. My BF says he lost a friend due to it 2 years ago. His obstruction was so severe that he quit breathing for long enough that it put him into a coma. He died shortly after. That is why he tells me to get over the vanity issue and use it. I'm just being a big baby and everyone responding is making me feel much better about it.(Using it) I am going to call tomorrow and see if a different mask might help.
                            Thanks
(deactivated member)
on 12/9/09 8:42 am
 (((Hugs))) I feel your pain.

I had a love/hate relationship with my CPAP. At first, I felt exactly as you did about it. Then, I switched to a different style mask that was a bit more comfortable, and I forced myself to wear it. After that, I grew to love it, only because I felt so much better. Besides, I read a scary story about a lady with untreated severe apnea who ultimately destroyed her heart and died.

At the moment, I am not using it. After losing 50 lbs since the DS, it started feeling like too much air pressure. Going without it, I feel fine, and my DH says I am not snoring anymore. My Pulmonologist won't do another sleep study until I'm 6 months out, so I will only find out then if my apnea is really gone.

Hopefully, you will be able to ditch yours down the line.

Jenna
Tigrlilly1
on 12/9/09 8:49 am
Thanks Jenna. I do feel better now. The mask change is maybe what I need. Plus, put on my big girl panties and just get over it!!
buffalobillsfan
on 12/9/09 8:53 am - CA
I love my CPAP now that we have a good working relationship.  It takes time to get used to or find the right mask.  I love being well-rested and I know it's saving my life.  I had 92 AHI's so I am pretty severe in that category. 

www.cpaptalk.com is a great forum for help and support on your CPAP.  A few tips to keep your mask fitting correctly....don't over tighten and clean your mask every day. 

I wouldn't worry how you look.  How many people look good sleeping without one either. 

Good luck,
Cathy

                   
                                                             

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