OT: would this pull your chain? TAKE ME TO FLORIDA
What he's doing is called passive aggressive, and it's very annoying! I've had telephone conversations with a PA family member, and hung up thinking "I know she wanted me to do something fror her, but I have NO idea what." How stupid is that? Just ask, and I'll let you know if I can do it !!
Your hubby is hating to have to ask all the time, though. I know when I was so sick and I couldn't do so many things for myself, I'd do without or not do something rather than have to ask and bother my hubby one more time. Also there was, I've finally figured out, a difference in communication. You'd think I'd have noticed this in the, oh, 37 years we've been married, huh? To me, asking once and not Giving Instructions as to when, how, etc., etc., etc., is just valuing him as a human ADULT and trying to treat him as such. To him, it was just too wishy-washy and too vague. I hate hate hate when he gives me instructions and things like that, but to him that's being thoughtful and I guess supportive. Who knows?
I know it's not easy. I've taken care of Parkinson's patients in hospital. I think it's a particularly frustrating disease to have, and scary. I think you should stick to your guns, though. Yeah, cut him some slack WHEN it seems appropriate. You've turned your life on its ear to care for him as it is. There's no reason in the world that he can't take your feelings and needs into account. You're still married - it's not like you're his Official Nurse(slash) servant who has taken some kind of vow to serve and obey him. Yeah, he's sick, and yeah, he is needy, but it still has to be a 2-way street! IMHO (which is worth exactly what you're paying for these opinions.)
Dennie
"It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. ~Julia Child"
on 6/18/10 1:43 pm, edited 6/18/10 1:43 pm
(((((QUEEN NANCY)))))
I'm so glad you are getting away to FL. Wish I could be there to hug you tight, have a margarita with y'all and get some good pics of y'all being naughty to use against y'alls at a later date!
My heart goes out to you, Sweetie. I took care of my grandpa (stroke and dementia) for the last 10 years of his life (on top of having 3 itty bitty kids, an alcoholic husband and a private practice.) It AIN'T easy and yes, you ARE doing a BIG ******G TRUCKLOAD OF WORK. You sure are. And there is much more of that to come.
It sounds like your dh may never have been the kinda guy for whom asking nicely and using common polite pleasantries and courtesies had been incorporated into the fabric of his life. Some people/families use those skills only with "company" but not at home with their loved ones. Maybe he is like that.
I wish you weren't having to deal with this at all. I really do, Darlin'. But since it is in your life right now whether you want it there or not, I can only say share with you this little bit of info:
You don't always get to choose what happens in your life, you only get to choose how you are going to react to it.
I encourage you to do a lot of reacting in somekinda fashion such that will bring laughter and joy into your life on a ******g regular damn basis.. Of course, that would entail lots and lots of SPQ activities and lots of trips and lots of singing loudly those songs that feed your soul and a butt load of margaritas.
Make that a metric butt load of
Fat Mamma Knock Ya Naked Margaritas, Sweetie!!!
Sure wish I was gonna be in FL with y'all. Have lots of scandalous fun for me, OK?
pp, remember that laughter is the best medicine. So he says," "Is there EVER any time I DON'T have to say please?" And you say, "Yes, when you're sleeping, but only if you're not having erotic dreams."
...Even under the best cir****tances, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and husband and wives don't always communicate well. HUGS -Jenny
