Sometimes People Are So Freaking Ignorant!!!

I feel its a private matter.
You don't have to tell anyone, if you don't want to.

The only people I told were my husband, children, father,& stepmother.
I didn't want to deal with the 'bashers'.
Ciao Leslie

I think whether to speak u*****t is totally up to you.  If you feel strong enough - then speak up and educate them.  If you don't feel that it will be worth your time and effort or that you aren't up to the task - the **** em - don't tell them.   When they start asking how you're losing the weight and keeping it off - tell them you had WLS!

You are not obligated to tell anyone anything about your WLS.  This is your journey and your health - so tell who you feel like telling and keep it from others if you want to.

I told a few peeps at work and must have made good choices because no one that I didn't tell knows.  My family have all been supportive, luckily.  My sister told my mom in no uncertain terms that if she didn't have anything positive or supportive to say she'd better keep her trap shut!

Good luck!

It's so hard to feel like your very identity is challenged all the time, and when yet ANOTHER blow comes on top of all the previous blows, it's easy to go off the deep end :-(.

I don't have experience in this particular area of that phenomenon, but I do have it in lots of other areas. I think your sister is right, that you do NOT have to tell ANYONE you don't want to tell. It is absolutely your choice and NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. If, at some point after your surgery, you want to tell them what you did, that's fine. But you have a right to privacy. You do NOT have to disclose all the details of your life to these people even though they are family.

I think the main secret is to decide your limits/boundaries well in advance and find ways to set them in concrete for yourself and to hell with anyone's efforts to blow through them. This might mean that you come across as not nice or not available or whatever. So what?

I did this a long time ago with someone in my family who is a very ****** up crazy abuser. It took a hell of a lot of effort, but I'll tell you what, when I did it and made it stick, I felt afterward like I could take on the whole world. (It wasn't about WLS, it was about refusing contact in a situation where refusing contact was VERY problematic. But I did it and I was so proud of myself. It was a HUGE victory.)

They don't need to know anything.  If they can't support you, if they don't realize how you've struggled with your weight, you don't need to rationalize anything to them.

I'm sorry you felt bad.  Know that you are doing it for the right reasons, and if they haven't walked every single day of your life in your shoes, they can't possibly have an informed opinion.

Anna

 Thanks for the support everybody!!! 

I love my family very much (there were 9 of us kids, and I have always been close to them all) but as much as I love them, I've been seeing a counselor (like somebody suggested) for years, because of some of the family dynamics. I wouldn't call us dysfunctional, I just call us very diversified, just as we were growing up. After all, I've never met a non dysfunctional family. :) My counselor does know about my choice for WLS and while he supports me, he's also been the biggest help in finding info and helping me to understand some of the research documents that I've found. 

My one brother today came to see me, because he noticed how quiet I got when they were having this discussion, and he asked if me if I was upset because they were discussing the surgeries or peoples attempt at weight loss and failure. He knows me well enough to know that I have tried everything and told me that if it were something that I was looking into then he'd make sure to take time to help any way he can...... whether it's surgery or another diet/exercise program. Because he wants to see me around for the rest of his life. (this is the brother that would have surgery to quit smoking if there was one). In the end, I didn't tell him of my decision, but I did tell him it's nice to know that he cares enough about me to notice that I had been upset. 

But, he did enlighten me as to the whole conversation had come up. My oldest brother & his wife own a campground, and two of the seasonal campers mentioned this past summer that they were both WLS 'vets', one is struggling (she had the lap band) , but she follows her diet and does her exercise as everybody is taught to do, and she knows she will persevere and triumph over her battle. The other is a rny patient and he's back to eating all the bad stuff & not exercising. So of course, in my opinion, he's going to gain the weight back. 

So, my decision, is I am having my surgery, let my ignorant, uneducated older sister think what she wants about how I'm losing weight, I'm not going to tell her.  My younger sister, well, she's all on board and even found out that my surgeon did her aunts best friends switch 2 years ago, she's going to introduce us this week so I have somebody who lives within 20 minutes of me to help me through it in a 'been there done that' kind of way. I love my little sister!!!

Sorry you have to deal with that.  If it were me I wouldn't tell them anything.  I only tell people very very close to me.  People that like me and that I like. 

When people notice the weight loss, just say you are eating less and exercising more.  That will be true enough. 

Best to you for long-term success!
Amyiable

Yupper, you're just choosing who you share with before your surgery.  I highly recommend not telling everyone beforehand, for the simple reason of getting grief from people.  You don't need the drama, upset, and heartache.  When you are convinced, comfortable and secure in your WLS choice, you don't need any advice from the "peanut gallery". 

I didn't tell anyone outside my husband and 3 kids beforehand.  My family is full of well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) but ignorant people.  One is just vicious.  Just as I predicted, some of them have and always will bad-mouth my decision.  But there are some surprises along the way, too.  Some people will take you by surprise, both good and bad.  People who you really counted on will let you down.  And some who you never thought gave a good warm crap about you turn out to be true friends.

I like to say now that when I shed the pounds after WLS, I also shed some "friends" who turned out to NOT be true friends.  It's been a real eye-opener.  I feel so much better about myself now, nothing anybody says negative about my WLS can upset me.  I know the truth.

I got exactly what I wanted from the DS:  the choice to overeat taken away from me, and a permanent way to keep off the weight long term, which was what I never could do on my own.  Hell, if diets worked, Oprah would be skinny.  Am I the only one who is wondering when Oprah will get her DS?  I mean come on, the lightbulb should have gone off by now..........

I am an open book and always have been. (I like to share!) For some reason this time I delayed, hesitated, and actually thought about keeping WLS to myself. I didn't in the end and as I suspected, some family members have uneducated, outdated ideas on WLS. I either need to be looking into burial insurance and knowing where I am going in the afterlife OR enjoy looking like a walking skeleton. I know, I know. Horrendous craziness!! Either die from surgery or from malnutrition...there is no good side.
 
It doesn't bother me. You really have to overlook the elderly and their notions.    Also I realize how scary reports of early WLS put me off to the idea too. So I told one family member today to do some research before advising me on WLS.

My explanation of the reasons for my decision to have WLS were never asked but I did tell everyone. It is for health, not vanity! I think that is a sticking point for most in my family. And yes, the one person who I expected to be against WLS was happy for me and excited that my health will improve from WLS.

you said it perfectly... People. Are. Ignorant!  People try to talk about things they have NO clue of!  I'm guilty of it too!  I will try to talk about a football game I didn't even watch but I heard the highlights on the radio... just so I sound like I know what I'm talking about lol Regardless if it's your family or not people will always bash what they don't understand.  Most people who have never had surgery don't understand that it is NOT A BE ALL END ALL.... people who have had WLS STILL have to work just as hard as before... now, instead of having to run the whole marathon we can use a skateboard... it's still hard as hell but just aids us in the process.  You could never explain to someone who has never gone through it and you shouldn't have to... you have the right to be healthy and be proud of the body you live in and as family they should support you.  Maybe the best thing to do is to educate them... since they clearly have no idea what the real situation is with WLS just spill your guts and let them know what it is and why you are wanting to have it.  I'm so sorry this happened!  Good Luck!!!!!!!!! 


Lyss

Most people, including family, did not know about my surgery until months later. We live a long distance away so no one saw me until I had lost a decent amount. At that point I was honest, mainly because people were starting to worry - my FiL was losing his attle with cancer and my weight loss scared people. And honestly, I could not lie and say I was losing the weight through diet and exercise or lifestyle choices. 

I can honestly say that had I not lost the weight, I would not have said a word to anyone about the surgery. It was really only after I was successful (and people were talking) that I said anything.