Something to lighten the mood!

LaChelle R.
on 10/19/07 4:53 am - Erie, PA

A friend of mine sent this to me, and I thought it was so cute that I would have to share it with everyone else. No matter what age your daughters are, this makes perfectly good rules, if you ask me!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ELEVEN RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER 1. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up. 2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her as long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. 3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys to wear trousers so loose that they are falling off their hips. Don't take this as an insult: you and all of your friends are morons. But I want to be fair and open minded about this, so I propose this: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big: but in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, fall off your ass during the course of your date with my daughter, I will use my nail gun to fasten your trousers securely to your waist. 4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of "barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate on this: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I will kill you. 5. You may think that in order for us to know each other better we could talk about sports, politics, or other social issues. Do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you have my daughter safely back here at this house, and that the only words I need from you on this are "Early Sir." 6. You may be popular at school with many opportunities to date other girls. I have no problem with this as long as it is okay with my little girl. Once you have gone out with my little girl, you will date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 7. As you wait at the door for my daughter to come out and more than an hour goes by, I do not want to hear you sigh or watch you fidget. If you wanted to be on time for movies, then you shouldn't be dating. My daughter will be putting on her makeup, a process that takes longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, you may change the oil in my car. 8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: -Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wood stool. -Places where there are no parents, policemen or nuns in sight. -Places where there is darkness. -Places where the temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, or midriff T-shirts. 9. The following places are appropriate for my daughter: -Movies that feature chain saws are okay. -Hockey games are okay. -Old folk's homes are better. 10. Never lie to me. I might seem like an aging, slightly overweight, has been, washed up, dip **** cop; but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have only one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but. I have 3 shotguns, an AR-15, an M14, an array of various handguns, a meat saw, a shovel, and 10,000 acres of leased, reclaimed strip mine in Floyd Co. KY. Do not mess with me. 11. And finally, be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car for a chopper coming in over the rice paddy. While you're out with my daughter and the Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices tell me to clean my guns while I wait for you to bring her home. As soon as you pull up into the driveway, come out of your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password. Report clearly that you have brought my daughter back both safely and early. Then return to your car. There is no need to come inside. And incidentally, the camouflaged face at the window is mine.

At Goal! 165 pounds gone forever! Thank you Lord!

You only have one life to live, but if lived right, it's the only one you need!