feeling empty

I don't know exactly why, but I'm feeling really down and empty. I just feel like sleeping most of the time, and staying in bed. I don't want to do anything, or be around people. I am feeling tempted to eat to fill the emptiness, even though I know I shouldn't. I used to do that, and I don't want to go back there. I did eat a handful of Hershey kisses this morning, and now I feel so bad for having done that. I know a couple of kisses won't put 120 pounds back on me, but I feel so bad anyway. I need some reassurance that I can make it through this. I have fought depression for so many years now, since my daughter died in March 1999. It just keeps coming back, despite taking the meds, and doing what I'm supposed to do. I guess if I'm honest, I had milder depressions even before Lucy died, but since then they have been worse. This last year, since surgery has been really hard. It might be coping with all the changes, it might be absorbing the meds differently. Probably some kind of combination of those things, but it's been hard. 

Hey lady....we are not perfect by any means....you know what you did and why you did it..do you go to grieving groups? you may need something like that...you want to think time would make your grief less but it is hard this time of year...HUGS....

Thanks for the hugs.

Linda,

Im so so sorry that u are feeling down.  I cant begin to imagine what u are going thru since Ive never had kids let alone lose one but often I get depressed just over the loss of not being able to have a baby.

I used to always want 6 kids.  I was the girl that always wanted to hold everyones babies and would give up my friday nights with friends to baby sit for everyone else.....Well now it just breaks my heart to even hold other ppls kids or hear about someone getting pregnant..esp when its someone that doesnt take care of the kids they have.  Its so hard on me.  I wonder why I cant have even one and they have 5 by the age of 21 and no job to even take care of them or with my job I see the drunk and druggies that have their kids all taken away from them...and I feel I could have done such a better job....but who knows...Maybe I couldnt!

As for depression.  I feel like I had a mild form before surgery...after all there had to be something underlying all that weight I had packed on.  Now since wt loss my depression seems for freq and much more intense.  Im really affraid its much more on the line of bipolar...than depression ....becouse I have those few moments that Im excited that I can move or do something I hadnt done in 20 yrs...but then the downs seems so much lower and so much more intense.  One becouse I cant eat away my sorrow and second becouse the lows seem to effect me more fequently.

I hope u get to feeling better soon. Seasonal depression this time of yr is very devistating.  Make sure you get some help from you counsler.  Dont let this get the better of you.  I'll keep u in my prayers

 

 I really plan on seeing someone about all this the first of the yr....I know the fat me that hides out in bed and closes the world out but I dont know how to be a thinner  person I am now and how to deal, how to react to how interact with ppl.  My husband says I have to get out more find something active to do....I have to get off of my ass, get out of bed and off this laptop....its just hard...its been my life for 20 yrs.  I dont have hobbies I dont even have interests...I dont know what I like,  I dont know what I can or cant do...Ok so now u all know how really screwed up I am....

Oh Pamela,  That's actually what my diagnosis is --- bipolar disorder. I just find it hard to say to others most of the time. I understand the ups and downs. I was pretty steady before surgery, but have been cycling badly since about January this year. Sigh. Thanks for sharing with me. 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. When you've lost someone, especially a child, this time of year makes it even more difficult. What happened to your daughter if you don't mind my asking? My little girl just turned 2 this past Monday, but she should have a twin sister. I lost one of them about half way through my pregnancy. Monday was all about her and I did fine. Wed. for some reason it hit me really hard and I was really weapy all day. It was a good thing I stayed home due to the weather. Maybe you should think about grief counceling or something or just discussing with your doc about a differnt med. I know after a couple years being a certain type my body seemed to get used to it and I had to change. Just seek some help with someone and try your best not to turn to food again. I know that's easier said than done. I pray you find some peace and have a good Christmas. Julie

My little girl died from SIDS, at age 5 weeks. It was very difficult and traumatic. I was the one who found her not breathing in the bassinett. I'm sorry you lost one of your daughters. It is such a hard thing.

Linda V,

Ive been thinking about u alot lately.  I hope u arent still down and depressed.  Ive missed seeing you post each morning.  I hope everything is ok.  Just check in and let us know everything is ok with u????Please

Pamela

Linda,

You know this time of year is very hard on all of us. The nasty weather... no sunshine (which has been scientifically proven to improve our mood because of the Vitamin D that it helps us metabolize) it all hits us and BAM... I know you're seeing a therapist already, did you see about another session? IS there anything that you do that you find freeing? I find freeness in singing at the top of my lungs, at running (yes I never thought that I would say that) I find freeness at spinning as fast as I can or laughing til I cry... now some of those things are hard for me todo when I'm down, but I can do one of them and it lifts my mood... I know my horomones are also kicking my ass. I don't know what your "cycles" were like before surgery but mine were none existent so all of this new horomone stuff messes with my head too, do you think that that could be some of it? Maybe your horomones are stronger now than they used to be... Could be you just need to switch meds... If you need us we're here darling!!! ::hugs:: Keep your head up... Though I walk through the valley of death, thou are with me... Thy rod and they staff comfort me... Even though sometimes it feels like he's not there, that's when he's carrying you dear... Rest in his arms.

Yup, I still see my psychologist, and I talked to my psychiatrist yesterday. She is going to add in some wellbutrin to my medicine. She doesn't want to take me completely off the zoloft right now, so I don't go further downhill. Thanks for being here.