pouring my guts out.... long

It's been such a long time since I posted.  I feel like my 1 1/2 yrs out was good until Sept 07.  I found out that I had veins in both my legs that had to be destroyed due being diseased.  The veins that were destroyed actually due to circulation due to my weight issues  - blood flowing backwards which was causing my heart to work harder.  Anyways.... I couldn't exercise due to the healing process.  One leg done in Sept... the other in Oct.  Each leg had a 3 month healing due to the possiblity of trapped blood... which happened... and caused more time out of exercise.  My vein laser surgery was something I had to do or other problems would happen later on.  I was getting into a habit of exercising and losing weight.   In August, I actually ran 1/2 mile without stopping!  I can walk.. but at a normal pace not fast... which I've continued to do.  I am glad I had the laser surgery on my legs ... they do feel better and I know my heart isn't being over worked. One week before my vein doctors release I was involved in a car accident.  I was a complete stop due to another car making a left hand turn and I was rear ended.  I am now suffering from back issues and can't exercise AGAIN.  I have an MRI on Tuesday and I am sooo angry.  I was so excited about getting involved with exercising again.  I can walk... but only for short periods at a slow pace. Needless to say I am devistated when I saw my reg doctor last week due to the car accident and I had gained almost 10 lbs.  This is NOT what my life is suppose to be like... I am suppose to be losing weight.  Yes, I use to be an emotional eater... atleast I thought I use to be... but I am.  After I thought about everything I wasn't doing and was.... all I seem to be accomplishing is feeding my damn face.   I wanted to go to my support group so bad this month, but I couldn't due to the car accident.  I feel overwhelmed with everything and I am resorting back to my bad food habits again.  I know what I need to do, but Im so angry that I can't just go ahead and exercise until I get clearance.  Hopefully, I'll know something this week after the MRI Tuesday.  I pray this is just a bruised area on my lower back that will take time to heal and nothing major. I needed to vent out my frustrations with my life right now. 

Julia, Hi, I just wanted to say that I am happy to see that you are posting here and venting to your fellow Indiana Losers, that is what we are here for! That being said, I am sorry to hear that you have endured so much thus far on your journey and hope that you are able to get the rest of the medical issues cleared up soon and begin a better exercising regimen that will allow you to feel more happy/comfortable on your journey! It is hard when we each encounter our many bumps along our way, however they do make us stronger and usually allow us to offer guidance to someone else who may need it! I can understand that gaining 10 pounds was a shock and could be upsetting, but please understand that you have come a long way and have endured ALOT. 10 pounds isn't too much and at least you are aware and know why- you can do this in time! Please just keep being aware and do not let your emotions take over- you are on your way and have come a long way! DOn't give up now! We/I are here for ya, just let us know! Keep us posted, and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! Hugz Dawn

Dawn, Thank you for the positive comments.  Yes, I do need to realize that 10lbs is a little bump and I can over come what all is going on right now.  It just really hit me hard tonight for some reason.   I did take a short walk after I posted.. which did help some.  I think once I hear the results of the MRI i'll be fine.  At least I'll know what I need to do after that.  Thanks again Dawn. Julia

No Problem!!! Sometimes we just need a lil hug! I know I have needed some the last few weeks, I was just too stubborn to post and get em! Glad I could help! Also glad to see that even though you were able to only take a short walk, that you walked and that it helped! When it is tough, just do the little things that you are able- they all add up! Keep posting, I/we will be as supportive as we/I can! I have missed being on and have been able to view quite a bit today, glad I was able to be of some support! Good luck and best wishes on overcoming these hurdles on your journey! They shall pass! Hugz Dawn

When I had my knee replaced a year ago I gained 16 pounds..!! I thought OH N O!!! Here I go again... Obesity would kill me yet... But it is off again now and i can walk..Never can run again because of the new knee but walking is fine.. and specially pain free... I still am an emotional eatter... I just choose peperoni chips or go grab some cheese... and when it really gets bad.. yes, I make a few dumb choices but then I realize what I did and back off... Be well and dont belittle yourself to much.. Get back on track and keeping looking forward and upward!! We are here for you!! Linda Kay

I'm in Lafayette, too. If you need anything, a buddy at the gym or a ride to support group or just some company, please let me know. I happen to belong to the same gym, have terrible back issues, and space when group is. *hugs*

well bless your heart I know what back trouble is .I have to have my nerves in my back burnt every year on both sides.I'm having gastric bypass 2/ 14 hopeing to help my back some to I hope everything gets better for you