Kinda OT: Making friends post op, does it seem harder?

I want friends who I have something in common with. We live in a small town. Everyone my age is into partying and stuff thats totally not my thing. I had some friends from my old job but we've all seemed to have grown apart since I'm not part of their clique anymore. I'm way tooo shy to just walk up and say Hi to people. Most the people I've seen at the gym are men. Our church has very few people near my age. Plus it sounds kinda lame but I have no good female friends. They've all been drama queens or two of them have been so catty since my surgery because I'm losing weight and stuff so I feel like such a loner suddenly. Our local support group only has 1-2 people usually and they're all quite a bit older. Not that I object to being friends with older people but I really wanna meet someone around my age to do all that girly stuff with. Preop I could have cared less because I had fat friends like me that likes to go out and binge eat with me and all that fun stuff. Now I can't do that so I'm no longer apart of that circle (thats not my choice by the way I'm all for going and sitting just for the conversation). I've had to cut some friendships with a couple of my male friends lately because of them discovering new found "feelings for me" as more than friends, this is just plum boring. I miss my big cities where you can meet people easier and all that stuff. Anyways have any of you found it hard to make friends post op or whatever?? Any advice or suggestions?? I'm sooo not into drama and cattiness.

The only friends I have post op are YOU guys...I know at work people get bored with me because my mouth has me mentioning I cant because of my stomach or I find myself talking about the new me.. IT IS MY FAULT I know... but darn it... the changes I make and the life I live now is top on my list... unless you think of my grandkids... they will always come before me. And as a grandmother of only 5 years I can tell you from expereince to much talk of grandkids is VERY boreing to people who have none.. And people who can eat everything on their plate hate to see me stop halfway thru... Personally my friends from church are the OLD ones...15 to 20 years older than me.. and they dont think I relate to them because I have to work...BUT I do have me AARP card.. and my ABATE Card and MY Harley membership... Linda Kay

Hey the ABATE thing is kewl.. My FIL was the washington county (region 7 or 9 I dont remember sorry) president or whatever for a while. My DH was the secretary. DH doesn't get into it much anymore but my FIL still does I think.

I am in Region 11 but not active.. They meet in a bar here in Mooresville but I just can't see walking in there..Maybe Im a snob but I went to the meetings when they were at a BBQ place..I ride my Harley and I am happy.. Not alot of friends to do things with but I have my sister.. she and I are buds.. Linda Kay

Hi Linda...You must be referring to Pat's? and Squealers..I used to work there(squealers's not Pat's..LOL) Don't worry All my friends are losing weight with me.(at work) But they are all around 200.,NOt even close to what I was.They have no problem with me losing, Today I took in a before, wow they couldn't believe. Shanna

Yep they meet at Pat's... once in a while you can find me sitting with my sister at the EaGLES PLAYING bingo..i usually go after state payday... like this Thur.. This summer you will see me riding around on my Green Heritige Softtail with the "training wheels" Actually I am already trained but now I wont fall over if someone stupid quickly darts in my path. My bike looks like a trike. Linda kay

Misty, I've lost a few friends since having my RNY also. I was always the fat, friendly one. For one friend  in particular, the roles have completely reversed. She was a size 14 when we met..which looked terrific on her 6' body! I was a 26/28. The last time I saw her, I was a size 10 (..not sure what I am now..6? 8?) and she was a 24/26. She won't even reply to my emails or phone calls.  At work..I have made more friends now but it's mainly because I was moved to a desk that is closer to out-going, extroverted people. I was mainly by introverts..and I tend to be whatever others around me are.  That said...most of my friends are also here on this board. Age doesn't matter. I have friends here that are barely in their 20's and others who are in their 60's. The longer I get to know them, the more I find I have in common with them, all of them...young and not-so-young alike. I well remember being 20 and what I was going through at the time. I also know that time passes very quickly and if I'm lucky, will be seeing my 60's in no time at all. Bill & I had a circle of friends that we hung out with some before I had my RNY. We don't hang out with most, if any of them anymore..but it has nothing to do with my losing weight and everything to do with my health and Bill's visual problems. I think Bill misses a few of them, but I don't. I figure that if they couldn't care enough to come around to be sure we're ok, they aren't worth me caring if they are in our lives. Some of them were just using him for his abilities or what he could do for them (he was an electrician, and then we owned a bar). Now that he can't do that, they ar no where around. That's not a true friend! I know that it's harder to make friends in small towns. If you work, it's a little bit easier. If you don't, try the library, bowling alley, exercise facilities, YMCA, etc. Don't be age-picky. Maybe one of those little old ladies will have a daughter/granddaughter who could use a friend. I introduced Megan (from here on OH) to my daughter Tiffany and they are buds now. Just be open to possibilities and I think you'll be pleasantly suprised. Sherri

I am not age picky lol just saying it'd be nice to meet someone around my age heheh. Thanks for the tips though.. About being used my one good friend that has completely been rude towards me since my surgery started getting that way not long after we saved her a lot of money on her wedding/reception (we did the photography and music). But we still hung out for a while. At first I thought it was because she was afraid I'd be mad at her (I had a miscarriage last November and she got pregnant relatively quickly and all that stuff but I wasn't mad at her at all, even though she thought I would be) she hid her pregnancy for like 3 months then after she told me it was like boom our friendship is over.. I guess that was around the same time I told her I was definitely having the surgery (we were about the same size clothes wise and I was bout 40-50 lbs heavier from the weight she said she was) and all that fun stuff. Either way it doesn't matter I guess, she is unsupportive and rude towards me now sooo whats the point of trying to befriend her.

and others who are in their 60's......... There you go talking about me again.  I am sorry that it is the last bike shoes I will need.  Oh well I have thick skin and can take it fire away youngster. God Bless

E... I was actually thinking of a few girlfriends from here that is pretty close to hitting their 60's..that we giggle like schoolgirls when we're together. But you too..when I'm around you, I enjoy myself so much. You have become such a dear friend. I have thought of you as a big brother every since I met you. You just have that wonderful persona. It really doesn't matter to me if you're 61, 41, or 81. You have a way of bridging any age gap! Don't ever lose that talent!! Time flies by so  quickly. I was 20 when I had my daughter. I can still see her tiny face in my mind's eye. In April, I will have been with Lilly's for 19 years...and will be able to retire in less than 7 more. Young people don't realize it, but I think when a person gets ~40 and sees their kids being grown and having kids of their own and they can start looking forward to being retired, they begin to realize how very quickly time passes. Maybe it's because I worked in nursing homes in my early 20's, but I have never viewed people as 'old'...older than me, yes, but not 'old'. I do believe some people act 'old'. My Grandma Ruby did even when she was only 40 yrs old. I don't remember her ever NOT acting 'old'. My MIL though? That woman is about to turn 83 and could put us all to shame with her social schedule! She is my hero and who I hope to be like!! I also have a great-great aunt who would go square dancing and such. I don't know if she still does, but I know she did at least when she was 87. There's another woman I wouldn't mind taking after!! So no bud, none of my comments are ever made to make anyone, least of all you, feel  'old' or 'ancient'. I have a deep respect for you and could sit and take in your wealth of knowledge & wisdom for hours (and sense of humor!!)...and that has nothing to do with your age. That has to do with who you are. Afterall, I also know people well past their 60's that are totally full of BS and I don't last 10 minutes with them (I know several younger than 60 like this as well!). I think the smartest thing anyone can ever do is to be friends with as many people as they can...younger and older alike. With every age, they have something to share and you have something you could learn. I hope to never quit learning...nor to quit sharing. huggs! Sherri