Spouse after WLS

Hi Everybody!! Since my surgery in july/07, i have been doing awesome ( i think). I've lost about 130 pounds, work out 5 days a week, and think about what i'm eating and choose wisely for the first time in my life. The problem I'm coming up with is related to my family, mainly my husband. If me, my husband, and stepson go out for dinner, they still insist on appetizers and sometimes desserts. And its not healthy at all. I try to step in for their health's sake (and the fact that it is soo draining to watch them eat it) but it doesn't matter. When my husband and I are alone, he does fine most of the time. I think my stepson would be fine without the extras, but I feel my dh uses him as an excuse to get to eat the bad stuff.  AND, I try to get my hubby to exercise with me, or get active; he instead takes a nap on the couch. He is a police officer so most of his work day is spent driving about town; mostly not a lot of physical activity. Well, I've noticed he's put on some weight, but his pants still fit the same he says, so he's not taking note. He complains about his weight sometimes, then I make suggestions like exercising, or i'll make his dinner so he can take it with him and it be healthy. nope. nada. zip. I know I'm changing and can't force my change on them, but before surgery they were all gong ho about being healthier, and I have yet to see any change.  Any suggestions? Amanda

Girl, I am running into the same problem and haven't had surgery yet. My healthier lifestyle hasn't rubbed off on my husband, yet. He complains about his weight but doen't do a damn thing about it. I have tried to help him and give him tips, but he gets mad and tells me that doesn't work for everybody and he knows what works for him, but I am sorry eating 1 meal aday and not after 6:00 doesn't work, esp. for him because he stille eats a big volume and all the wrong things. BUT I just bite my tongue and when he is ready, and I hope he does, he will do something about it. I even pay for our gym mebership and he won't go. I am not paying for his next month if he doesn't start going soon! Good Luck. SHanna

I KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT, ITS HARD TO GET THEM TO EAT RIGHT AFTER ALL WE HAVE DONE TO GET HEALTHY WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE WE ARE PREACHING.  JIM TRYS BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WANT HIM TO, AS FAR AS EXERCISE WELL THATS OUT THE DOOR LOL.  GOOD LUCK AND KEEP PLUGIN AWAY AT THEM. I DONT BUY SWEETS ANYMORE JUST VEGGIES AND LOW FAT DIPS AND HE WILL NIBBLEON THEM IF I DONT HAVE CHIPS OR COOKIES. VICKI

I don't think you can do too much about them. Everyone has to decide for themselves that it's time to be healthier. We all did. Just go on doing what you're supposed to be doing, girl. You can do it. 

Amanda, there isn't much you can do about this situation. The best thing is to lead my example and let them see how much better you feel eating right. They may see the diffence and then decide to join you on the healthy eating venture. It just takes some patience and if you are anything like me that is a hard one. I know that Bill is still into the sweet thing but not as badly as before.

Amanda when it come down to me weighing LESS than DH we had a contest and he did really good to try and stay ahead of me (knowing eventually I'd be less) since I'm less than him and stuff though he's gained all the 15-20 lbs back and I try to get him to realize whats going on. The good thing is for the most part he's still eating smaller portions but I don't know what he eats at work and he's picked up the soda stuff full time again. :) Maybe issuing a friendly challenge??? DH and I are going to go toe to toe again here soon. :)

Hi Amanda! I am four years out from my surgery and I have some good news for you. From day one I have never tried to convert anyone in my family to my way of eating etc..I was worried more about myself and I focused on me and me alone that whole first year. You know what? Everyone fell in line behind me..my husband lost weight..he went from a 38 waist to a 32! He is quite slim now and my son has some very healthy habits..he'd rather drink milk or water than soda! My point..like everyone else is saying ..it has to be them making the changes..you can't force them but if you DO by example and show (this is the tricky part) how easy it is for you..they'll adopt your ways. Especially how you prepare things at home etc..just be patient..it'll come. It may take awhile but eventually especially your husband..it'll just be easier if that's just the way it is at home.  Good luck!

thank you all soo much!!! I will just keep tabs on me; when i buy groceries I'll buy healthy stuff; and just worry about me. :) thanks again everyone!!!

You can't forcce things on people you just lead by example as others have mentioned. You CAN make dinners healthier and NOT buy the junk and the sodas for home. Obviously they can get them elsewhere, but it will make them have to choose something better for themselves when they are home. If it's not there, they can't eat it. :) Good luck and just keep at it!