Panic attack !!!!!!!!!

What I feared might happened, is becoming suspicious. I had surgery on 3-20-08 two weeks ago and did not want this to become public knowledge. My wife, children, and mother-in-law are the only ones that know. I trust them 100% to keep it a secret. Maybe in 6 months, after good sucess, I will make it known to others. We live in a small community, where alot of people know each other and word travels fast. My brother-in-law of 26 years has always had loose lips and wants to pry in everybodies business. I've tried to be very discreet and careful. I think he smells a rat !!!!  The other day I was taking a nap and he stopped by the office ( which is right next door to our house ) and asked my wife where I was. She told him I was taking a nap cause I did'nt feel good. He left and went to our house, walked in our unlocked front door, to see if I was up yet.  I nevered heard him. He left , went back to our office and told my wife he yelled for me  I must still be sleeping. My wife was furious and then myself later when I woke up and found out about this. He is the biggest snoop and I could see him walking around  inside looking for something. I've tried to keep my books and info turned over regarding gastric bypass. Well I missed the most revealing book of all on the kitchen table that shows a picture on the outside intilted "Gastric Bypass Surgery" with the hospital name on it. I PANICED  when I saw this. I just know that snoop seen this and is putting the pieces together. He is all of sudden concearn how I'm feeling. We were together the other night for supper at mother-in-law's and I came after supper to enjoy the evening with everyone. He seen a bruise on my arm where they had a IV, and asked what happened. I told him they drew blood and I bruise easy. He asked where I had that done ( now what the world would that matter where I gave blood), I simply ignored his question and kept playing cards. My wife and I were again furious about this. I don't know if I should forget about it or confront him. I know if I confront him about what he saw in our house, he would be on the phone 5 minutes after I left telling everyone. This just makes me sick, thinking my life has been violated. Any suggestions ???? Thanks for listening,Dave     

Dave Buddy,  First- breathe deeply. Second, try to let go of the stress you are feeling- breathe in- out, in, out, you understand,right? Don't want you to end up in the hospital-it's ok to be upset, but not worth being ill!! It might be a good idea to talk with him & let him know you are ok- maybe he thinks you have a serious illness???-Who knows??? Ok, now about "nosey" people- politely tell them it is none of there business- worked for Chelsea Clinton, right?!!! I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family till I was 4 weeks out (Thanksgiving!!)- I didn't want a barage of  questions either. By then I was comforrable with everything enough to feel like I could share it, and answer any questions/concerns. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, and got alot of questions, ended up when I felt like it telling a few chosen people. Mostly said, "I'm fine, thanks." I have "dieted" all my life so some just thought I was trying again!Only this time I know I won't fail like in the past- "see there she goes again". Anyway ,I hope you feel better- you know you made the right decision and will not only see but feel the results! Hang in there, there are lots of "wow" moments ahead for you! (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) Ellen

Hi Dave, I'm sorry your privacy has been violated. Just remember, if others do find out, gastric bypass is nothing to be ashamed of. You are taking a positive step for your health and well being. If people ask, you can simply say you'd rather not talk about it. Keep hanging in there.

I would let all know.  It a little time you will be smaller and everyone will think you have cancer.  My youngest daughter still is not sure I am not dieing from something.  I tell her "I had LRnY and this is working because I am using the tool to succeed. Walk proudly.  Me you not who everyone wants you to be.  You will stick out to all that knew you and new friends will only know you as you are. E

Hi Dave, I can only say one thing don't be ashamed or embarassed about your WLS.This coming from someone not wanting people to "see" me after surgery. I was thinkin that everybody would be looking & watching me to see if anything was going to my mouth. I am sooo over that I am happy I had the surgery and if anyone says any thing to II'll just tell them to Kiss My Boney As-, Did I really say that !!! Dave it sounds like you have a very caring wife, she'll be right there by your side. Hugs & Blessings, Gail OMG I NEED TO LEARN TO SPELL !!!!!! LOL

I was shouting it from the mountain top!!! I made sure to tell absolutely EVERYONE I came in contact with, no matter if I knew them or not.  I am so proud to tell them that I had RNY, and would be glad to do it all over again!  If your BIL is a larger man himself, I would just bust trying to ask him if he wants the name of your surgeon, so he can help him as well!  His nosyness has got to stop, and if you get on him about it, and let him know that you aren't happy about it, hopefully he will drop the snooping.  Good luck with him!

Dave, Take a deep breath and then remind yourself: This I did for ME. Not for your BIL, not for the town...shoot, when it comes right down to it, not for your wife. You did it so YOU could live a longer, healthier, happier life and if others don't like it, why give a rat's a$$ what they think? It is YOU who is going to benefit from it. It is YOU who has to live with your decision, no matter how your journey goes! Now..invasion of privacy, that is another issue entirely. It sounds like this 'gentleman' needed sat down a long time ago and some house rules set down....namely, my house, my business, your house, your business. I would still have that talk with him...but I'm not sure I would even mention RNY..and if he does? As has been said, I would politely tell him that if or when you decide to have medical help to lose weight, that will be between you, your wife (and kids..?) and your physicians. It will not be up to anyone else to have an input, nor would it be up to anyone else to 'share' the news. That it would be YOUR news to tell if and when you wanted to. Period. Do not put it in the form of a question...like adding 'okay?'. Put it that this IS the way it IS and if he wants to contnue to feel comfortable coming over to your house, he WILL abide by your wishes by leaving your business to those who are responsable for it...you and your wife. I don't envy you. It is never easy to tell a loved one to 'butt out'. My family wouldn't. They live in Clinton/Terre Haute. I live in Indy. The last time I saw my mother? February 2005...and my has the past few years been peaceful with keeping it that way! I hope you don't have to resort to that...but it is survivable and it beats the heck out of having drama 24/7! Sherri

Thanks everyone for the advice, I'm thinking you are right, that there should be no shame or embarrassment  in wls surgery. Dave