Happy Saturday!

Sweetie Im sending you a hugg that always helps me.(hugg) I feel your pain My mom has had cancer for 4 yrs and is in remission but she has had a mental breakdown. So when the dr says maybe we should put you on something to calm you ok. not i dont like it i wonna think with a clear head and when i get mad a wonna tell someone what i think i wonna not stand and cry like a fool.but number when i take this medicine i feel like a doormat everybody walks on me..lol it does work for some people but my problem was deeper than that i needed to learn to love myself the way my family does. its been hard being a big girl my sons father didnt want a big girl after he got me preg. so for 7 yrs i was a single parent til heaven opened the skys and dropped my husband in my yard..lol he didnt care i weighed 300 pds he married me and we had 2 more babies..so sweetie try and love yourself like your d/h loves you. ive always been the big girl but the happy girl. (not )only on the outside inside i wanted to be accepted and loved and told i was pretty and etc and it didnt come til i learned i was as good as everyone else and i loved me.... i got everything done for surgery then they put aclause in it so i had to start over again so on 2/18i had the surgery..it took alot of paitence tonot give up and itwas well worth it.  honey i wish i could hang out with you and we could walk and talk..lol maybe now the weather is getting nice it will help  i yelled at my dh today cause im mad cause he is being deployed and leaving me for a year and that is being so selfish we all get alittle negative energy sometimes. but you are not a cow you are a very lovely full figured woman whose dh loves and you will get your surgery. so aliitle ole woman told me one time stand in front of the mirror everyday and say (....) i love you i love myself i thought i was nuts but it worked. take care and i hope this makes sense to you

Lin,  Being one of 6 girls in my family and 2 boys.. I have ALWAYS fought for acceptance and approval.. I was the skiniest girl in the family until I married.. I was used to cooking for 6 ( I had to do the cooking) so when I married I still cooked for 6 he ate for 3 and worked it off and I ate for 3 and packed on the pounds.. I have been named a brown nose at work but I will give any body anything as long as they are nice to me and ask.. I recently quit my job because the new supervisor was a hateful BI$%& and I just couldn't work with her anylonger.Having a handicapped husband is rough... on him as well as the family. depressants are common around here. it is chemical not just mental..I have learned ALOT thru the years..It just isnt because your nuts, depression can be caused because there is a chemical inbalance.. discuss this with the Dr.Bad vibes around here tend to come and go.. it isn't always a bad thing.. sometimes we feel strong on a subject, and just express it alittle rougher than we intended. Life isn't perfect and I have noticed neither are the people on this board.. but they are forgiving and they ARE all decent people with their own problems, hangups and insecurities.. That doesn't make them bad... it makes them HUMAN. Sometimes people take them wrong and it hurts but if they got them into a private email they would find out they misunderstood... TYPEING isn't a good judge like face to face conversation.. You come on here and tell us whatever you want.. We will probably respond but take the advise you can use and accept the unused advise as a sugestion you could maybe use another day. Surgery... wow.. I am so sorry you are having difficulty.. Keep trying..if you really want it there will come your time.. "Good things come to those who wait" and if it is just lifestyle changes you need support on or a weigh****chers buddy.. or someone you can feel accountable to to help you remember what your goal in life is.. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU! Much Love Linda Kay

Lin, I have been in the same position you are. My mother, who was my best friend after moving back home after being gone for 20 years, died a few years ago and I was with her fwhen they called the code blue on her. Before that she was in Cardiac ICU for 2 weeks. I was with her every day and night except 2. I had only 2 years with her before she died. I have always had a low self esteem due to some things that I was always told as a child. As you may have noticed at the CE, my husband is physically disabled. What you may not know is that he also has some major psychiatric illnesses. I also have arthritis in my spine and before losing weight could hardly walk. I am the kind of person who does not like to ask for help. I have always tried to deal with everything myself. Finally, my PCP asked me if I was depressed. How could he tell? So he put me on an antidepressant. But it didn't work. I was having trouble sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, I back in the hospital with my mother. I was even having flashbacks during the day. But I still did not ask for help. Finally my DH, who has always loved me and finds me sexy no matter what size I am, said that I needed to see a psychiatrist. He put me on another antidepressant and it helped some. I now see a wonderful psychiatric nurse practioner, who knows just by looking at me if I am going through a rough time. Last year, Mother's  Day was very hard on me. Of course, I did not tell her but she knew something was bothering me. I finally told her that I had been having flashbacks and that the meds had gotten rid of most of them.  I am now taking 2 antidepressants. Sometimes life just throws things at us that we cannot handle alone. Even when we don't love ourselves, there is always someone to love us to help get us through those rough spots until we can love ourselves too. I might not be making too much sense, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. That having to take an antidepressant does not mean you are crazy or less of a person, it means that you just need help dealing with life at this time. I have been and am still there at this time. I am sending you good thoughts, prayers, and lots of (((((((hugs)))))). (I don't give them very often, just ask my DH). Hang in there, it will get better. There is a song called "Four Days Late." It is a song about Lazarus death. When Jesus finally arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days. But that didn't matter, Jesus brought him back to life. The song goes on to say that even though we may think God is "four days" late, he is always right on time.  Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.

We were the couple that sat behind you during lunch.