Chuckle for the day! :o)

Ladies, I just had to share this story I received! Enjoy! The Bathing Suit  When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure was  boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.They were built to hold back and uplift and theydid a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the  prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up  front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped fromDisney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.What choice did I have?  I wandered around, made my sensible choice and  entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to  launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe atyour passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I   twanged  the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I found one boob coweringunder my left armpit.   It took a while to find the other.  At last I located it flattened beside my  seventh rib..The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups.  The mature  woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump.I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it.  The rest of me oozed out rebelliously  from top, bottom, and sides.  I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there   you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.  I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. Itried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized  napkin in a serving ring.  I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with  triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.  I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would  have to wax my eyebrows to wear them. Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts  style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it.  My   ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home,  I found a label which read -- 'Material might becometransparent in water.' So, if you happen to be on the beach or near anyother body of water  this year and I'm there too ..  I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a  t-shirt!You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,  but how to dance in the rain .'    Hugs to you all! Marianne                                        

Hi Marianne, And I bet you will be the pretty-ist one there. I hope to me you some day. I have a much needed smile  Love ya, Hugs & Blessings, Gail ps   I think I just keep missing you at different events. I know someday I will get a for real hug.

Gail, I am really looking forward to meeting you too! I had planned on coming to this past exchange but with my hubby's health problems and spring cleaning creeping up on me I had to put my priority's in order and forced myself to stay home and get it done so to speak! lol I plan on making the next one for  sure! I hear so many wonderful things about you Gail and I feel your sweet spirit on here daily. Take care sweetie and have a most glorious day! HUGS! Marianne

OMG, Marianne,  I have been all of the above- NOT PRETTY!!!! I REALLY NEEDED THIS TODAY! Yep, I 'll be right beside you in my tee & capris!!! Love, love your last line- "life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain".It has "rained" on me alot lately, but I am gonna dance thru it! Thanks, I needed that!!!! (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Ellen

Ellen, Amen to the rain line for me too! I read that and loved it immediatly! It has become one of my new mottos! You are such a sweetheart Ellen and I am so proud to have you as a friend. You have such a warm and caring sweet gentle spirit and it is so sorely needed on here. You are truly a blessing to us all! Keep your chin up sweetie and keep sharing that beautiful smile! Hugs to you! Have a Fabulous day! HUGS! Marianne

Well, I have to tell you......My son took my husband and I on a trip to Hawaii last week.  So a couple of weeks before I thought to myself that I needed to get a bathing suit since we were staying at a resort on the beach on the Big Island.  I went to AT LEAST 10 stores.  I tried on the little shorts numbers and then had to get a top.  I got a cropped top.  WRONG!  My extra skin spirted out between the shorts and the bottom of the "rolled up by now" cropped top!  YUCKO!  So I started looking at one piecers.  I found one, but somehow, the extra skin on my behind came out the bottom in the back. YUCKO!    Then I found another one but when I bent over, my boobs came spilling out!!!!  After around 25 different suit combinations IN ONE STORE, I finally decided to move on.  I finally found an "old lady" suit (called so by my neice!) at Sears for an unheard of price of $38.  (The top and bottoms at the other stores were $38 each piece!!!).   Now I pack it away and low and behold, there wasn't a time that I could even put it on because we only actually went to the beach on the LAST DAY before we got on the plane.  That wasn't even funny for all I went through in trying them on and the humilation of going back and forth to the suit isle looking for just the right one to not show my "all and all" if you know what I mean. So see you're story is right on!  I read it and laughed because it was so similiar and because I just lived it also! Thanks for the chuckle (I CAN look back and laugh now!)!

Lois, I can totally identify with this too! :o) Mine is even worse as I m so tall! Sheesh! I need the skirted ones to cover my jello thighs and to get one long enough is unreal! I swear I have been just about cut into up the middlw more than once tying to stand straight in one that is way to short in the torso. I think that trying on bathing suits is sort of like an intense endurance training! LOL It totally wears you all out! I am draind when I am thru just with all the tugging and pulling! lol unreal! I hope you vacation was a great one! I would love to go to Hawaii...I am sure they would find me face down in the pineapple fields of an overdose! :o) Have an Awesome day! Hugs! Marianne

OH MY GOSH......i have so missed this board....your killing me....this is right there with Carmens panty hose and treadmill...........LMAO.....sorry carmen....but i don't care who you are that was funny...

Angie, Laughter is so healing and good for the soul! It is soooo good to see you back! I have missed you so much!  Have a great day sweetie and give Ed a hug! Hugs! Marianne

THAT is why I only wear a bathing suit in a sate where they might not know me... If I don't have to run into them at church or know that they are pointing me out in my groc store line the I say what the heck.. who cares.. I bought me a suit with the black shorts and the tankini. My jello thighs are to die for!! You can get a sugar high just looking at them!! I start walking and when I stop they will continue moving for at least 3 minutes!! I am totally a hot tub freak.. I go to a motel and stay and it better have a hot tub.. the ho****er... OMG!!!  I stand in the tanning bed for my tans then get in a hot tub,,, cold water is just that... cold... Linda Kay