Medical roulette...venting

I feel like I am playing medical roulette.  I have be going through fertility treatments since last june.  Got pg with IVF in feb and miscarried in March.  I have pretty much come to terms that I won't get pg without losing some weight.  I have severe PCOS and don't ovulate on my own.  My son is 20 mos and it was a miracle to have him... had him early at 32.5 weeks after bedrest.   All that being said, my fertility dr and I decided to try one last time and I am having surgery on my ovaries on Friday.  Ovarian diathermy .... they cauterize the part of the ovary that produces testoserone and androgens....   In the meantime I am still going through the WLS process knowing that it will be at least a 6 mos process maybe even a year if my insurance wants me to do the 6 mos supervised diet.   I feel overwhelmed... Im scared of not getting pg again, scared of another hard pregnancy ending with a defensless premmie in NICU.  Scared to have the WLS and have to wait a year to try...I'm already 35.   Not to mention I am 20lbs heavier now than when I was pg with my son...... Guess I am just scared about everything right now...  I need to turn it over to God and let him be in control...it's just hard.. Thanks for reading ..

Only you can make the right decision with possible some help from your docs.  Just know that even if you dont have another child you have already been blessed with one and that is more than some people.  Good luck to you whichever way you go.

Thank you, you're right my son is a true blessing.

I honestly know what you are talking about.. I always knew my body was ment to be a mother of 2. from the time I was a little girl I knew I had to have 2 babies. So I know where you mind is at, I think.. but I want you to listen to the voice of reason.. You need to concentrate on loosing your weight and getting healthy for the one child you have right now.. ( a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush so to speak). If you concentrate on getting healthy and start the road to WLS if that is your decision.. You will be alive for the child you have.. on the way to getting healthy you will be solving many problems.. And honestly wasting time worrying solves no problems... Stress casuse your body to retain calories.. So you are defeating yourself. Turning the problem over to God is the best decision you have made so far!!! Because I know without a doubt that is where I got my 2 sons.  Much love and prayers, Linda Kay

Linda, thank you for the encouragement.  I didn't realize this would be such an emotional and spiritual battle as well. 

I got married almost 34.5 years ago.. never took birth control I wanted a baby right off..FINALLY I got pg and lost the baby. They said I had fibrocyctic..I got a D&C and got preg with my first son..2years later still no birth control I had another D&C and got pg with Second son. 4 years later I got my hysterectmy.. the fibroids got so big and painful... I was 27 then.. but I had my 2 babies.. I got fat after the second son and think I ruined their growing up years because I couldnt play with them the way I thought I should.. I had such a lousy eatting attitude I rewarded my boys with dinner out... they needed to go bowling I took them to dinner... I WISH I had been able to make the decisions you face today but they were not available to me 20 years ago...I had surgery 3 years ago... I can play with my grandbabies.. and stay alive for them now.. God WILL bless you in the way HE thinks best for you just keep looking up.. GOOD things come to those who wait... It is hard to do but it is worth the struggle when you look back. Much Love, Linda

Your post kinda kits home for me. I too after having my first child wanted another one desperately. Unforunately because of my weight I had developed a severe case of PCOS. I'm talking bad enough that I saw a electrolis doc twice a month to help with my constant incoming facial hair. I stopped having regular periods when my son was 2 yrs old. My insurance wouldn't allow a fertility specialist so I just ate more to deal with the depression of being unable to have kids - amongst other things that my weight kept me from. And I waited. And waited. 14 years later, at age 38 I'm a proud parent to a 8 month old baby. . I'm so glad I had WLS to loose the weight. I'm glad I waited the 18 months post op before getting pregnant. I'm glad for a lot of things this surgeryy has brought me. I'm glad I waited it out... I really am. 
My advice..... wait it out. There's gotta be a positive reason why  GOD brought information about WLS to your attention. So wait it out... enjoy the now in life... your still young enough for some wonderful miracles to happen. 

Uber Super Hugs and Blessings
Jodi

Jodi, Thank you so much... I know you understand.  It's nice to know someone else has been through this and been successful.  I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I gave up on facial hair and just shave now...awful I know.  I have never had cycles on my own, my insurance doesn't cover fertility either.  It has been expensive, too expensive.  

My heart goes out to you.  I can relate to the infertility problems, and it is such an emotional roller coaster!  I haven't had my WLS yet, I am scheduled for 1 week from today!!  I have PCOS and do not ovulate and stopped having normal periods at 16 yrs old.  I went through years of chlomid therapy and finally decided about 5 years ago to try IVF.  (I was about 60 lbs lighter then than I am now.)  The 1st cycle ended in miscarriage and the 2nd cycle gave me a miracle...my triplet daughters.  The girls had a rough few months after birth because they were born at 30 weeks, but to look at them today you would never know it (except they are very small for their age).  If I had known then what I now know about WLS, I might have waited to try IVF because I have heard so many stories of women with infertility problems (especially PCOS) that have had WLS and then were able to get pregnant very easily afterwards.  Especially since the IVF cycles were not covered and we had to pay the entire cost out of pocket.  These types of decisons are so hard and it's easy to stress yourself out thinking about "what ifs".  This is a decision you have to make for yourself, so don't let anyone pressure you or guilt you into anything that isn't right for you.  Try making a pros and cons list...sometimes just having your thoughts on paper can be very clarifying.  I hope you can find some comfort and peace in whatever decision you make.  Best wishes and vent to us any time!