Crazy Insane

I don't know if this is normal or not.  I'm just a few days over 8 months post op.  Sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't recognize the person I see.  Other times I look in it and see the same ole fat person.  My sister, who had the surgery nearly 8 yrs ago, always says "Once a fat girl, always a fat girl".  She's told me time and time again that no matter how many times she hears how good she looks, she still sees herself as she did before her surgery.  I've been super, duper stressed at work so this may have something to do with it.  People see me and say, "Oh my gosh!  You look so great.  You must be close to goal." but I'm really not.  I still weigh over 200 lbs.  I'm still considered obese.  I know these comments should make me feel good but they really only make me realize how much more I still have to go.  It's not easy.  I was at the dollar store the other day between meetings and caught myself with an armload of stress stuff that I didn't need....sf cookies, pb crackers, chips.  I just put everything down and left.  I guess I was expecting this surgery to change me inside and out.   The inside still wants to turn to food for relief.  The inside still looks outside and sees the same ole person.  I know I'm stronger than this.   Hope everyone is having a good day. Jacqui

Sweetie I understand where you are coming from. Everyone says you look great and you have lost so much and my mind is saying yell but im  still fat..duh But when i get upset i find myself reaching for things that are comfort foods,so at first i had my dh hide the things i know i cant have or shouldnt have. i dont have to do that anymore The candy aisle at the checkout at the grocery store is bad i feel like a 4 yr old thinking man i want that im drooling,but i look down at my belly and keep going. I know ive always had low self esteem and its something i work on everyday and each compliment helps,but ive always been the biggest and inside i always will be. jacquie you are doing awesome andyou have such a strong personality with determination you can do this.  you left the stuff set. I had a elderly woman tell me one time look in the mirror everyday and say i love myself and im beautiful i ask her how can i do that when i look in the mirror and cry,ive been trying this lately,at least now i can stand to look at myself.. I was told this was not just a phyiscal but a mental process and we have to be strong and you are.... Sorry i dont know if i answered your question or just rambled

I am not saying that I have all the answers but there is some things that I have figured out. I too have the problem of seeing me as I was. I also have a friend that has lost a massive amount of weight and she says that she always sees herself as a fat girl too. The only place that I see a difference in me is my face and my 'turkey neck'. We have to work every day on our mental status. We have gotten so use to being left out because of the weight in one way or another. It could be in sports in school or walking on the street, in a group or even by ourselves. We are the hardest on ourselves~much harder on us than anyone else ever could be. We have to realize in our minds that we are worthy people, we are worthy of love from others, from ourselves, to be part of society, a worthwhile part of the community and we have good ideas for things and we have the right to voice the things that we want to weather it be in agreement or not with the others. We don't have to be people pleasers anymore to keep things smooth. We can please ourselves for once and it is GOOD! I am now going to get off my soap box so you can go on with your life now! haha And another thing~I love each and every one of us~myself included just the way we are~warts and all. Now all you have to do is love you too~warts and all.

Hey... did I just type something with your name on it??? DARN girl you are reading me to a T. My sister had her surgery about 6 years ago.. she is regaining... I have stocked my cabinets with food I will not eat ( thank GOD)I am soooo blessed my DIL just had surgery because I have a new goal... not to be bigger than her... She deserves every pound she looses she is a fantastic girl but I do not want to set a bad example for her..I still have weight to loose...But THANK GOD we have eachother for support to keep on the straight and narrow... we need to support eachothers weakness' not ignore them or hope they will go away... we have to remember we have OH to go to when we need to laugh cry and vent!!! Linda Kay

I could have wrote your post as well (other than the sister who is 8 yrs po) I know how you feel hon. (( HUGS ))

Jacqui... If only they could do a brain transplant when they do a WLS, huh? Even with my tummy swelling up on me, I am the smallest I've ever been in my life. I still see the 'fat'. I've had a thigh lift, I look down, I see fat legs! I have trouble wrapping my mind around being a size 10 (well..I was in a 10 BEFORE plastics, now, because of the swelling, I could start my day as an 8 and fini**** closer to a 14! Just in the tummy!). Co-workers (those I am friends with..not casual aquaintances) will ask me what size I'm in now and I'll tell them 'well...on a good day, I'd be an 8 or less' and then they tell me their size (usually a size 12...guess that's the most common size in our department..lol!). Shame on me but I can't help but to check out their figure after that and think 'there is NO WAY I am smaller than she is!'. I've never checked out other girls butts until now!  That does kinda help it sink in some though. To be fair to myself, I also check out the rear view of myself in the mirror too..and you know, my thighs look pretty darn good in pants! LOL! My butt though? WHAT BUTT? Without the clothes on though, I see 'fat'. The only place I don't see fat at is with the girls. With them, I see the product of losing the fat..big time! I'm hoping someday my brain will catch up with my body. I'm almost 4 yrs out...it hasn't happened yet.                            Remember that we are always our own worse critic (well...unless you have a mother like mine. After I had lost 80 lbs, she looked me up & down and said 'well, I can't tell it'. Sweet, huh?). So be kind to yourself! You are doing fantastic!                              Sherri

Thanks Guys for your encouragement.  I knew I could come here and not get chastised.  I think I'm just in a funk.  I'm still tired from Holiday World!  Maybe I'm getting sick.  Troy wants to check me for ticks because my joints are hurting so much.  Who knows?  It could lead to something else!  Oh well...you guys have a great Independence Day. Smooches, Jacqui