Holiday Depression

Hi Jack-

JODI----

I will try this again! I typed this once before and it never posted so I will try! It is usually better the 1st time though- shucks!

Anyway!

Girl, You have been through so much! I cannot say that I know what you mean or have gone through! BUT I do understand why you might question the why you, concerning your father and others! To that, here is my .02 for what its worth, heheh- You are a terrific mother, wife, and friend and so many things to so many others, I am sure! God has a plan and only he knows what it is! I am sure that Q and Gage deserve to have the reward of having their mommy with them as does MATT needing you as his new wife! You deserve this happiness in your life, maybe GOD chose you to live a longer and prosperous life for them, through those that have gone already etc, I dunno!!! But, whatever the reason, be glad and rejoice in it! I am sure that you are living each day to the fullest and can truly appreciate each and every moment- not the same goes for MANY of us! For me, like I said, I have never had to endure this in my life, I don't wi**** upon anyone BUT you have gone through so much and have been such an inspiration, to so many of us! I am not good with words or showing my gratitude! Please know that I have kept you in my thoughts and prayers and often wondered how you have been! I am glad that you were able to enjoy a dinner with your family, through mine! I know that wasn't much but at the time (and at this time, too uughhh) it seems times have been tough and that little bit, I hope helped in a small way!

You trully have been a strength that many of us can admire and we can only hope that your results will come back AOK and have you to inspire each of us in our futures! YOU are an angel to many of us on this board as well in your own personal family/life!

When you HUG Gage, Q, and Matt, know that these 3 alone may be your answer- GOD only knows!

I am greatful to have met you through OH- I am sorry that you have had to endure the things that you have, but am also greatful for the progress that you have had as well!

Thank GOD for baby Q- for you! He is a cutie!

Sorry to ramble! I am trying to remember what all I had on the first round!

I hope you GET what I am trying to say!

Anywho! Love ya, lots of HUGZ coming your way!

Your journey has been a rough one, BUT you have made it and conquered so much! Keep up the great work! You will contnue to be rewarded!

Hugz Dawn

Jacqui,

This year is a rough time for just about everyone I think.  You are such a special person that you can feel the burdens of others.  I just know that the old saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger is true."  Hang in there.  THings will get better.

I absolutely despise winter time anyway with it's darkness and gloomy days.  I've been thinking about hitting the tanning bed a couple times a week because I have heard that it really helps with the wintertime blahs.  Or maybe we could just sneak off on a cruise to someplace warm and sunny (or not).

Love ya!

me

What an amazing bunch of people we have on here.  Look at all we've gone through, are going through, and will go through.  We still reach out and help each other up.  I've never heard of the tanning bed thing though so I'm going to have to look into that.  I haven't been in a tanning bed since high school!  I can't imagine doing it now that I can fit in one.  I love Denise's idea of the sunny beach though.  Maybe we could all go to a tanning bed and do a cellphone conference call together.  It'll be something like laying on the beach together. 

Troy just called and the furnace is fixed!  It had a bad thermocoupler (whatever that is).  The fellow said it looks like we've taken good care of it so far.  I say we but I don't know anything about those sorts of household items.  He changes the filters and such.  Guess he knows more about it than I give him credit for.  At least he's not hurt...just a little less hairy.

Love you guys so much!  Thanks for sharing your thoughts and suggestions with me.  Life sucks but with you guys, it just doesn't suck so bad.  I am so blessed.
Jacqui

Wow to say I empathize on most of everyones posts is an understatement. Things here have been beyond rough financially and emotionally. I'm just not sure anymore what to do, I go to therapy and try my best. Usually my body or should I say my brain wins the battle though.

i am one who ALWAYS gets depressed this time of year. i also get nauseaous, lose my appetite and break out in what we "lovingly" (note the sarcasm) call the "christmas rash". it has been this way since i was little and ci****tances over the years have only made it worse. i know to expect it the week before thanksgiving and it goes away around new years. this year is the worst i have ever experienced. all i can say is i pray about it and do my best to function despite it. it just happens that my psychiatrist passed away about a month ago (i had been seeing her for 8 years) and the new dr doesnt want to give me my usual increase in meds. i will continue to pray that God touches lives in a wonderful way this holiday season.

Well Jacqui and everyone else, this time of year is the worst for me, since practically everyone I have ever known that died, did it at this time of year! I used to love Christmas and now it is just a burden to get through it. I tell people that I just don't do Christmas anymore. FOr one reason no one appreciates the things that you work hard to get for them. My nieces and nephews have everything they would ever want. That is the only time we see them so we do not know them well enough to get for them anyway. People just don't know the reason for the season. If they know it they don't show it. My husband thinks that I should be as happy and fun loving at Christmas time as I used to be. I just can't do it and don't feel the desire to try, since we have no children to have to put up a front for. The last year that "I did Christmas" was in 2003 when my God children were still in my life. I went all out for them because their family was where I might be soon. They were living with everyone who would let them live there and I was the one who they were living, with at Christmas time. I don't want to get into the reason they were living with everyone because it makes me more depressed. I also miss them with every inch of my being and soul.
 It seems like everyone is going through tough times now and if we could all see a way to turn it over to the Lord we would be better off. Of course I am just as guilty as anyone else, in the fact that I want to be in control! I am not a good one to give someone else the power to control my life! I wish I could change that and I am trying to.
 Good luck to all this Christmas and maybe the New Year and new president will get the economy back where it was before George W. Bush and his cronees put it in the toilet. THanks for letting me ramble also! Michelle

Jacqui...

I so understand what you mean. Some days, it really does seem like 'What next?????'. 2007 was a horrible, horrible year for my family. Jay (my son) had his testicular cancer, my grandma broke her hip, and my family all showed their butt so I had to cut all ties with them (it's also the year I had to take my sister to small claims court to force her to start repaying me the $10,000 she owes me)...and then all that happened with my intestines.

I remember in the hospital crying through out the night and questioning 'why did I survive?'. There was another woman in ICU at the same time with her intestines out too. She didn't survive. I had myself a little pity party for a few days. I finally came to realize that God wants me here for my husband, kids, grandkids, and friends.

This Christmas, I am more depressed than I was last year. I really did think that all my medical issues would have been taken care of but here it is 14 months and counting and I still look like I'm 7-8 months pregnant by 7 pm every day. I still need pain meds & anti-spasm meds to get through the day. My life is anything but back to normal. Shoot..even this morning, I saw an email that said that Indy hotels were giving huge discounts this season because their bookings are so low. I thought 'wow..it'd be great to surprise Bill with a stay at the Sybaris'. But...that thought was quickly followed by 'Sherri, you can't get your belly wet in a hot tub or pool (because of the open wounds there....still) and Bill & I can't even make love so what good would a room there do?'.

I really do struggle many days to try to keep a good & positive attitude. Some days, I'm better at it than others. God has not 'told' me why he let me live, but I'm quite sure it wasn't so that I could get everyone around me depressed!  So...even on days that I'm not feeling so hot, I will try my best to smile! Some days, I depend on my friends...especially my 911 call with Gail on my way home each day...to help me accomplish that. As has been said, and I firmly believe, attitude is the biggest part of recovery! I am CHOOSING not to get depressed over my stomach! I am CHOOSING not to get depressed over my mounting credit card balances. I am CHOOSING to try to keep focussed on the positives life has to offer! Some days, I REALLY, REALLY have to remind myself of all of that, but it is how I choose to live my life. And yep...I falter. I'm human. But I can always depend on my friends here to help me get out of that depression hole. I hope you all know just how very much you all mean to me.

Sherri

Thank you God for these friends who I have come to know through this website. I pray that you wrap your loving arms around each and everyone of them not only throughout this Christmas Season but for always.  Let them know how much you love them and remind them that you sent your Son to die so that we may live eternally in heaven.  Comfort not only their physical ailments but the emotional as well. 

In your Loving Son's precious name,

AMEN