totally ashamed, finally admitting that i need help

Hi everyone,

 It's probably been over a year since I last posted here.  at that time i was a happy and successful bandster...my doctor called me a model patient!  wow, how things have changed.

 

it all started with an overfill.  i couldn't get anything down...cottage cheese got stuck!  i returned to the doctor, had some of the fill removed, and something in my head went wacky.  i haven't been back since.  i eat WAY more than anyone with a band should.  i sometimes eat things that i know i shouldn't, PB when they get stuck, and CONTINUE EATING!  my inner food addicted demons are back in full force.  i was originally down about 50lbs, and i've regained about 20.  i KNOW how awful this is.  i KNOW the risks that i am taking for slippage, erosion, etc.  i need to get back on track.  I am leaving on vacation on Thursday, and i know that i need to make an appointment with my surgeon as soon as i return.  

 so one of my goals is to return to this board.  the accountability kept me on track immediately after my surgery, so of COURSE i lost interest in visiting when i went off the wagon.

PLEASE keep any flames to yourselves.  i KNOW that i am a perfect example of the patient abusing the tool, and i do not blame the band for this.  i just need to see my surgeon, get back on track, and remind myself of what my new, banded, normal should be.

 thanks for letting me vent.

  

Take a deep breath...assess the damage and see if you can see your MD maybe before vacation?  That will definately keep you from going hog wild.  Try to forgive yourself and get back on track!!!  Today is a new day...yesterday is gone, so look ahead and be successful.

The fact that you identify all those things shows that you are NOT that far gone!

I am new to all this (banded 11/24) but I know that posting here helps me so much.  Just the support and the encouragement and the UNDERSTANDING that everyone here provides...you can't buy that anywhere.

Keep posting, see your doc and start today as a brand new day!!!


YOU CAN DO IT!


 

Hi Laura,

Welcome back!  I just came back too!  I had surgery right around the same time as you!  Please don't feel bad...........we all have those little deamons!  But I am confident we can lick this problem!  Lets do it together...........o.k.

-Holly

I think your post will help alot of people. There are alot of lurkers on here and i am quite sure you are not in this boat alone.
 I would not dream of flaming someone for being honest. I tend to have a problem with flaming people that act like they are perfect...in here and in life...because THAT is so dishonest.
That being said....PICK your damn self up...dust your damn self off....and get your head back in the game!!!! Welcome back...it's a good step!!

Goodmorning, it is a new day, I am preband and this is encouraginng that you came back and that you came back here!  Helps me know what to do, so glad that you are showing such courage and helping us newbies, you came back helping others, so hopefully you get all the help you need to press on too!

Hey Laura I disappeared from this board for a long time as well. Some Same issues ,too tight PBing ,eating too much and gained 20 pounds of the 120 I lost. Pleasetry to get back to the surgeon. When I finally did we discovered I had a hernia that was creating rewlux and from the PBing my band slipped dowm , created a larger pouch and enabled me to eat more.

OK so that being said the demons ( at leat for me) never go away. I recent;y got my band replaced , back in position to where it should be and look forward to starting all over again with the enthusiam I had when I started this journey 4 years ago. Enjoy your vacation and come back with a whole new attitude and a vist to the surgeon who can help adjust the band to make it start wotking again.

Good luck.

Michelle

Hi Laura, Welcome back!!  Glad you vented and will now be coming back!  Enjoy your vacation guilt free and return a brand new bandster!! 
We all know the band is a tool and we all have our ups and downs!  Glad you are back!!

thanks everyone for the welcome back and the encouragement.  

 

i leave on thursday for my vacation, so there's no chance to get in to see my surgeon beforehand.  i DO plan on calling the office tomorrow to get an appointment.  one of my "excuses" has been that with my new job, i can't afford to take the time off to visit.  this is bull!  i need to suck it up, use the vacation time to leave early, and get it done.

 

my boyfriend is being amazingly supportive.  he has about 15lbs to lose (jerk! ;) !) and is totally on board with re-vamping our kitchen.  we're going through the cupboards the day before we leave and getting rid of EVERYTHING that shouldn't be here...we have piles of candy, ice cream, etc etc etc.   he's going to give up beer while i give up soda (i know, i know, i know).  we're going to phase out most carbs, and stick to protein and veggies for dinner.  

 

i may not post as frequently as i used to, but i'm committed to keeping up with reading these boards, as it will keep me on track.   

Hey Laura, welcome back!   I can't imagine anyone flaming you.. I think we've all been there, maybe not with the band, but life happens.  The easy thing to do would to stay away & tell yourself "when I've lost ___ pounds, then I'll log in."    "Or when I get back on track, then I'll see my surgeon."    Seriously, if we didn't all have some food issues, none of us would be needing our tool, ya know??

I look forward to getting to know you.

*hugs*
Smilin'