Letter to Bob Mc Queen...comments welcome

Hey Bob.... I have seen you posts, and seems like you are having a time wrapping your brain around some of the issues that are coming up.. First let me congratulate you on doing your research.. Knowledge is your strongest tool... In a couple of your messages you have said...I'm still not convened...If you need convincing, you ain't quite ready yet....this is something that you have to feel it....I believe everyone on the men's board understands that...we can not convenes you...this has to be your decision, and your decision alone...plane and simple...we are not the ones that will "suffer the consequences" of having the surgery...neither will we be the ones to reap then benefits... This is a personal decision...you talk to people about personal decisions every Sunday. Don't you...this is probably the most important decision you will very make...or should I say the most permanent decision that you will ever make... Let me explain.....more permanent than marriage...If you get angry at your wife, you can walk away, go to a bar, go for a walk, go for a drive...get a divorce...you can get away.. If you join the military, and you hate it....in 4 years (if you are lucky. hint hint) you are out...and you walk away... Even your religion, you can be angry with god and walk away for a bit, and return.... Hell you can even walk away from a child.. With this surgery...when you are angry, sad, happy...it is with you...in the middle of the night, when you wanna sneak a bite of cake...it will make you yak, just like it is 2 in the afternoon...you can never get away form it.... So you wee we can't convince you...no more than it would be right for us to push you to get married, join the army or convert your religion.... Now the type of surgery that you choose is your decision too.... and there are lots of opinions out there...you will see, Gentle demure church ladies get into fist fights over which is best Lap band or RNY.....here on the men's board, we try to stay out of that...Everyone chooses that they feel is the best tool for them... Now let me get to my preaching part....THIS IS THE HARDEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO!!!!!!!! Like I said before...harder than work, marriage, the army, church...the decisions that you make everyday are brought to the forefront of you mind, with every bite you take.. Dying on the table is a big fear.... dying in the middle of a parking lot is a big fear for us big guys too...we all wrestled this demon too...Here again...you are the only one that can make the decision... The best you can do, is do your research...find a doctor that you trust, that has experience at working on 400# guys...not just some MD who has a coupon in the yellow pages... Ok, on to another topic...does this work...(you asked about people that were over 10 years out...and what is the truth about he weight lose) believe it or not...that depends on you too.... I'm a nurse, and I got called to a ladies house, she had had a tummy tuck that she needed some wound care...OK...easy enough, and they told me that she had WLS so they thought I would be a good match for her... Well I get there and this huge woman comes to the door, and it is my patient...5'1" well over 300#, it turns out that she has had 3 WLS...Gastric Bypass, converted to RNY, then Fundo Plycation.... she had lost a total of 30 pounds. But she felt a tummy tuck would "Help her with her journey"...right...I had her on the bed, and beside the bed was a shopping bad filled with m&m's.... I don't mean a big party bag...I don't mean bags of un opened m&m's...a Macy's shopping bag filled with free floating m&m's. She said...."I can only eat them 2 at a time or I dump". So all night long, even when she slept, she ate m&m's You will see lots of guys and chicks that will do this.... and they will say,"It didn't work for me".... The surgery works, if you got the balls to work the surgery.... it will work for life...if you got the balls to work the surgery for life. If you are an anger eater, emotional eater.... Social eater....(preachers are big social eaters) you gotta get a grip, or you will fail...everyone on this board. Could eat past their surgery....I could eat a whole tray of lasagna, if I took my time....gallons of ice cream, one spoon full at a time..... The lady from your church...everyone is different....I always order a big plate...and I always take it home..or give it to the dogs...I feel better having a big plate of food in front of me..and that works for me... So we are here to answer your questions....ask about out experiences...we shoot straight from the hip....collect your own data...an example might be...what are your experiences with hope you lost weight, instead of the generic...tell me the truth about how much you will loose... For me....I'm 5'6", white male, 46 yo I started at 365#, I'm down to 165#, give or take...it took me about 16 months to reach this weight...I eat about every 3 hours...a little bit...always protein first...I've got to where I can not tolerate junk food...a greasy grilled cheese sandwich kicked my AZZ the other day...and that is just fine by me....I can eat a whole Subway Salad at one sitting, in about 20 minuets...I drink way too much coffee....I buy nutter butters, because I like to have them in the house...I may eat one out of the package, and I give them to the neighbors kids...but that is what I do.... I hope this helped....some of these guys will say I'm full of S**t...that is ok too..... Russ

Very well put Russ. I echo your sentiments. I considered this surgery for a number of years. But I had to be ready for it. Nobody can tell you when that will be but you. I finally realized that if I didn't have it done, I wouldn't live to see 50 years old with my ever increasing list of co-morbidities. Knowing what I know now, do I wish I had the surgery years earlier? Yes, but I just was not ready earlier. I think most people know when they are ready. And 10 months out, every time I worry that my pouch may be stretched or I am able to eat too much, I have a meal that kicks my a##, much like your grilled cheese sandwich, and it makes me glad to know that the pouch is still there, doing what it is supposed to do, even when I am not. Good luck Bob on your exploration of this life-saving tool. You'll find a great group of guys here in the locker room to help you on your path. Scott

Hey Russ (and Bob), Great post! Only thing I would add is, there are a lot of people (like me) who don't dump at all, no longer get foamies. The only differences I can see at 10 months between me and a non-op is, I can't eat nearly as much, don't gain weight and don't get as hungry. I'll admit I've become a little obsessive about my looks and weight lifting (tied together). I suppose it's trading one obsession for the other (food for vanity or attention - I work around many young ladies). Or perhaps I'm bored, since Japan for many foreigners isn't exactly the most dynamic of work environments. Coffee for me is a big one. I drink probably two pots a day worth of instant to get me through the decreased carb intake and increased exercise. Just about everyone experiences some tiredness - kind of like being on a low carb diet all the time. Just a Ramble, Dave

Bob, I understand you concerns about WLS, we all had them. After years of mental debate with myself, my WLS doctor at Duke gave me the final bit of info that tipped the scales to WLS. I am 47 years old and 6'3" and had high blood pressure, bad sleep apnea, bad knees and back and a ton of aches and pains. I went to work and sat on my butt then I came home and sat on my butt. I never exercised and I have a multiple story house so I made my kids fetch and carry for me all the time because I was too lazy and tired to do it for myself. I weighed 460lbs and I had been down to 300lbs but always went back up higher each time. Dr. Grant explained the risks factors to me like this, the chance of dying from WLS is about .2-.5% (less than from gall bladder surgery) the chance of complications are less than 5% at Duke 2%. The statistics on the life expectancy of a 400+ pound person reaching the age of 65 is less than 65%. So I reasoned it like this, I have about a 65% chance of making it 18 more years the way I was going if the co-morbidities don't kill me first. My quality of life was terrible; I was not really living my life anymore I was just "getting by". If I was willing to take a small risk and dedicate myself to doing the things I knew I should have been doing all along them I could get my old life back. It will take work and dedication but it is a well proven path or I can do nothing and slide further to the edge a little each day. I chose in Nov. 2005 to finally take back control of my destiny, I weighed 460lbs and I had to lose 60 pound just to get on the WLS schedule at Duke. I had my surgery in April 2006 at 88lbs and now I weigh 245lbs. I walk about 5 miles a day and I lift weight 3 days a week to rebuild all the muscle I lost sitting on my butt all those years. I went from 4X shirts and 58inch pants to L-XL shirts and 38inch pants in 14 months. My life is 1000% better than it was 14 months ago but I am the one doing the work and making the right decisions. WLS is not going to do that for you. Anyone can out eat their tool, it's all in your head, WLS just gets you on the right path, it up to you to use it correctly. I understand your concern and it's important to weigh to pro and cons but as others have said this is your choice and it's permanent for RNY so be sure before you leap. You may want to consider the band instead of RNY, a lot of guys here on the board have had great success with it and it is easily reversible. There are a lot of options out there; I went for the RYN because I knew I needed more than the small stomach to get back to 220lbs from 460lbs. I have always eaten to much fried everything and I have a terrible sweet tooth so I wanted the mal-absorption factors and the puking if I eat too much sweets or fat. I knew it would keep me on the right path; no food is worth dying for. My sister in law had RNY 16 years ago when she weighted 350lbs and she is still about 140lbs today. She walks 3 miles daily and she watches what she eats and she is doing great. Good Luck, Tim

Again, thank you for your comments. I realize that I've been kind of a pest but you've all been very kind. Co-Morbidities are just starting for me. My children and wife try to quell their excitement of this surgery, accepting whichever from me. But I'm dying a little each day, more pain each day, and my eyes are being opened. And I need a tool to help me relearn how to eat healthy. My chosen doctor is Scott from the University of Missouri Bariatrics Team, he is 38 years old and is a leader in the field of Bariatrics teaching many doctors coast to coast his techniques which many are patented in the Larascopy end of it, 38 years old - can you believe that. I trust him. Thanks again for your patience with me! The Preach.

Russ, you just can't believe how much your straight forward letter has helped me. The rest of the guys, thank you, you have been FRANK! I'm settled (for the moment) and am excited that this tool (rny) will help me peel the pounds away - but that was the itch - that I couldn't merely walk away! But I can't - I'm 400 and my cell phone at night is set at 911 just in case. I'm not saying I'm completely ready for foamies, dumping, and the fears, but I can say without hesitation - you guys Rock! I'm going to lurk awhile until I get a date! "Love passionately; Kiss longingly; Laugh contagiously; and Forgive daily." -The Preach- Bob.

Great post Russ. Like Russ was saying, the surgery will work if you work with it. I know I only had it

Tom, for a Patriots fan, your pretty funny. I wonder why Oprah or Letterman hasn't ask you guys onto the their show. You know...what could they call that special show of RNY Post Op Men Show, what would be the title of the show....Anyway, thanks for the laugh.... The Preach