Ever Feel Like You're Not Supposed To Be Here?

Anyone who has ever been a fan of ST the Next Generation might remember that episode in which Lt. Tasha Yar, the security officer of the Enterprise, finds herself in an "alternative reality" in which she just doesn't seem to fit or be at ease, but doesn't know why.  This finally makes sense to her when she finds out from one of the fellow crew members in her alternative reality that she had, in her original reality been killed in battle, hence, she should not even be alive in that "present."     I don't know how else to analogize the feelings I sometimes get very strongly of late, and I know it sounds kinda Twilight-Zonish.  These feelings last for a few hours and are almost overwhelming.  They then seem to pass for the time being.  It's like I'm not supposed to be here  -- was I supposed to have had a h.a. or stroke and died sometime in the last 21 months since my surgery? maybe if I had not had my surgery?  If so, that might explain why everything I seem to do I do alone  --  go to the store, go shopping, go home, go to work (I don't even feel like I should be at work when I'm that way - like someone else should be there in my place at my desk) .. it's like I'm inside this invisible social "bubble" that isolates me from those around me. wherever I go and I'm watching the scene from the "outside".      IIRC from my ab psych class in college, I think there is a psychological term for this feeling of not fitting into the scene and being distressed over that fact ("dystonia"?)     Anyone else ever experience what I'm talking about, or know someone who has?  Is this a common experience among post-ops at some time?   (Maybe 'Im just cracking up ..   )

Heya. I don't quite know how to respond to your post. I haven't felt this way and I hope not to experience it. It sounds very confusing and must be aweful for you. All I know is that you are not alone. People care about you. You might not recognize who they are at the moment, but if you take a hard look around you, there are probably a hand full of easy targets for people who'd notice if you weren't around, and would come checking up on you.

I'm glad you posted.

I have no firsthand experience, but- Have seen other post-ops express similar many times. Sounds like classic case of mid-range anxiety. Not “panic attack” proportions but further down the continuum. Often feelings of “not fitting” and “existential existence” can arise as a result of some significant life change… A shifts in one's life role, such as changing jobs, moving, the loss of a loved one, etc., are likely triggers of anxiety.   What really could be a bigger more significant change Than WLS. Eat different, exist in a new body, with new physical expectations… And all hitting about the same time. Sounds like a “perfect storm” for Anxiety. It takes time to adjust to new expectations and situations, and anxiety is one mechanism individuals may use to keep a sense of security.   Sometimes faced with dramatic change, some begin to obsess about small details of work, financial matters or even trivial things like lawn care.   Not to be confused with Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, Mid-range Anxiety can be accompanied with some “Obsessions” Even in the absence of compulsions.  Some of the more common are- Body dysmorphia, feelings of over-responsibility to others, preoccupations with physical problems, obsessive thoughts and questioning existence. The malaise of an existential existence.  “Why am I here?” Anxiety is also commonly experienced when one feels unable to express certain emotions such as fear, anger or disappointment.  Mild to major “Disappointment” Does pop up often among WLS Post-ops when they realize that it wasn’t just the weight that was making their life less than enjoyable before…. (sort of the Peggy Lee- “Is That All There Is?” Feeling.) In order to combat Anxiety, most psychiatrists will go straight to the drugs, But many psychologists recommend exercises aimed at developing a stronger sense of self identity, through psychotherapy and/or some meditation (either literal relaxation “centering” exercises, or journaling) Worrying about Worrying is a spiraling path to eventual anxiety problems. Hope you get a grip on your feelings and concerns, and more importantly, find improvements toward a more “fitting” and joyful life. Best Wishes- Dx

 

Warp factor nine, Counselor!! Going to church always makes me feel like I "fit in somewhere." Just a thought.  Boner

I've never had that feeling also, but I agree with the other posters who say you would be missed if you were gone.  I think we all have had the occasional "would they even miss me if I were gone" feeling, so don't feel like you're going crazy.  I might suggest speaking to you PCP about it, it could very well be some type of chemical imbalance.  There is no shame in seeking help.  Take care of yourself. 

First, this is worth talking with your doc about. Second, I've experienced something like this, but not quite the same. I realized the other day that my decision likely saved my life. I was wondering about how much better I feel, and how miserable I was before. I had a strong conviction at that moment, a thought that seemed so clear and undeniable: Without WLS, you'd be dead by now. With that epiphany came the realization that I was writing new chapters in my life, rather than someone writing my obituary. Kinda like walking over your own grave.

I have not had WLS yet. But I know the feeling of living a life that I did not think I would have. It is a profound life change. It takes a while to kind of reconnect to reality.  I liken it to your body making the shift but your brain not quite there yet. It sounds like are at a point of waiting till the two get in synch in order to feel like you fit in again.

 

 

I would suggest spending extra time connecting with those places in your life that you do feel ‘real’. And with such a huge life change a little help from a therapist is always helpful. It is not some small thing we are aiming to or actually changing.  There are real reasons why we said enough is enough and are seeking or have done WLS. For me the big one is my life expectancy. So I can see myself feeling some of what you have stated. I would give it a little time and focus on where you feel ‘real’, and if it does not improve or if it gets worse ask for some help.

 

 

I wish you the best. This is no small mountain that is being moved.

 

 

Marc

 

 

I gotta figure out how to not put all the spaces in there! RRR

Not sure what to say to you, it has to be awful to feel this way.  Do you think it would help if you spoke to your primary care doc?  He might have an idea what is causing this feeling and have some idea on how to make you feel better.   Would you consider talking to a counselor?  A counselor might be able to ask you the right questions that would help you find out why you are feeling this way and how to feel right in your own skin.

We go through some many physical and mental changes as the result of our surgery, could this just be a symptom of our body changing faster than we can get our mind around?

Not sure if these ideas are at all helpful to you.  Just please remember, how important you are to so many of us here in the Locker Room and that we are here for you.  

Jim 

Uh-oh Atty, I saw your post on the DS board and one woman just about cussed you out dude! I was like damn, tuna village attacks!