OT: A few laughs for ya!

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....        so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'   And then the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'            And then the fight started.....

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I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.  You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

Now that is some funny **** right there .

Taz

BwaHahaha!!!!

These were great

Wow those were really good!! Almost shot protein shake out my nose! LOLOL

 Good ones, Bama! Know where I can sign up for disability?

Boner

Thanks Bamma
I Sure needed a good laugh today. and I bet everyone got a good laugh out of these . Keep them cooming they say the only exercise the liver gets is laughter and who wants a fat liver?
  I was called to personel this week and asked how long I could be on temporary restriction.
I told them I wasn't sure but I thought that the company Should make that decesion.
Why should I have to come up with all the answes?   I usually have the questions.
  To the guy that snorted the protien drink, MY father was eating fruit salad once and a joke was made and he snorted a full white grape up his nose and had to go to the hospital to get it out.
  I have had my mother taking honey and vinegar and she wouldn't mix it in tea because she's tough and she got chocked and it went out her eyes and nose and she said it was in her ears too.
Her nose ran all day and she is much better since it happened.  If I take her to hospital she will throw away there meds and so I try to use home remidies to make her feel better.  I couldn't have gotten away with that 40 years ago but it funny how the wheel turns.
Indianasteve1955

That HS reunion one caught me off guard a little.

When I went back for my 10th reunion, my wife caught a stomach virus the night of the big dinner/dance and stayed home at my parents house, so I went alone. A girl I dated a little in HS was there and she was recently divorced and as the drinking progressed we were getting a little more reunited than what was probably good for me. My best friend from HS came over and kinda broke us up and took me home. I was a little dissapointed in him that night, but was grateful the next morning and have been ever since. At those times in life when you are showing poor judgement, it's nice to have friends around who aren't.

Great story, Fish. As I was reading it, I kept looking down at your signature which reads:

According to my scale, Lorena Bobbit just became my worst nightmare.

Good friend to be sure!!

Boner