OT - "The Bored Hubby At Wal-Mart"
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I go with her
on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get what we were
there for, then get out. Equally, unfortunately, my wife
is like most women---she loves to browse. Yesterday my
dear wife received the following letter from Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Hill,
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We can no longer
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban him from
the store. Our complaints against Mr. Hill are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in the housewares
dept. to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right
away'
5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put
a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6.August 14: Moved the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.
7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department.
8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'
9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera
and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12.October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna Look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.October 18:He hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed by, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15.October 23:Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here!
Mission Accomplished-----my wife no longer insists on
having me accompany her while shopping at Wal-mart.
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I like the idea of #3 and #15, personally ... bwahaha!
Frank talk about the DS / "All I ever wanted to be was thin, like that Rolling Stones dude ... "
HW/461 LW/251 GW/189 CW/274 (yep, a DS semi-failure - it happens :-( )
