God's gift to women?

Boner
on 10/5/08 11:12 pm, edited 10/5/08 11:23 pm - South of Boulder, CO

A very sensitive topic but worthy of discussion none the less imo. As we lose weight and possibly for the first time in our lives become physically attractive, WLSers (men and women alike) are forced to deal with the issue of being (or thinking they are) "all that and more."

How many of you feel you're always getting the "look" whereas in the past the only look we got was one of ridicule or pity for being so obese? Pretty weird thoughts, huh?

Under the assumption these are somewhat common thoughts for many of us, I've determined there are lots of potholes in our new-found road of increased self esteem. I've known (and read) of several relationships breaking up because of the failure to deal with the new temptations of physical attraction. More often, I've seen (and read) of the new found levels of self esteem moving to levels of arrogance which isn't a great quality quite frankly. You remember the old t-shirt adage, "it's hard to be humble when you're the best?"


How many of you think....she's looking at me therefore she wants my body? I used to, quite frankly, and still struggle to this day with dealing with the occasional advance from the opposite sex. The feeling can become intoxicating if I let it. Obviously, this is something I didn't have to deal with when I weighed 500 pounds. 

After a year or so since becoming "physically attractive", I've come to the conclusion that I'm an ok looking guy but there are a whole hell of a lot better looking guys out there than me. I've also concluded that women's tastes vary therefore, and that while the odds for me attracting a female have improved, not all women automatically have the hots for me. 
I'm interested in your thoughts regarding this issue, fellas. 

Boner 

BamaBob54
on 10/5/08 11:41 pm - Meridianville, AL

I was in much better physical shape prior to my heart attacks 6 years ago. I was in top physical shape and worked out with weights 5 - 6 days a week. I was often told by women that I was "buff" and looked "awesome". Even though I was in excellent shape, was strong, had muscle definition, and only about 8% body fat, it was still a struggle for me to accept it.  I would look in the mirror and still see a "fat guy", even though I was not fat at all. I constantly self-critiqued my physical looks.

After the heart attacks, the weight piled back on no matter what I did. WLS was the only option, according to my cardiologist and PCP. Oviously, I know I look much better now than I did a few months ago, but I still know that I am nowhere near what I was prior to the heart attacks.  But the main thing is, I now feel much better - both physically and mentally.  The mental picture we have of ourselves is never what others actually see, imo. As former fat guys, we are more prone to obsess about our physical shortcomings (no pun intended), whether real or perceived.

Compliments, especially from the opposite sex, are always nice to get, but I find myself feeling awkard receiving them sometimes. I think it is because of that "mental picture" and the fact that I know I am not where I want to be or once was as far as physical "looks".   Do I feel that I am a "chick magnet"? Absolutely not. Do I care? Absolutely not.
Do I want to feel the best I can, look the best I can, and be as healthy as I can? ABSOLUTELY! 

I just try to take the compliments in stride, thank the person, and move on.  While flattering, what someone else thinks of my looks is of really no consequence to me. It is my opinion that I must deal with, and I find that I am usually much more critical of myself than anyone else is.

 Besides, I've been married almost 37 years -  and I sure ain't looking for another woman.  One is definitely enough!  BwaHahahaha!!!

BamaBob54    756997.jpg picture by BamaVulcan04   ROLL TIDE!!!
[IMG]http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e82/BamaVulcan04/2661045004_3d63fb2244.jpg[/IMG]
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JFish
on 10/6/08 12:10 am - Crane, TX
The last time I wa**** on it was by the male manager of the Fuddrucker's where I was eating. This was 10 years ago or so, and like Bama, I was lifting a lot back then and was carrying a lot of bulky muscles around underneath a healthy layer of fat. My wife was sitting at the table with me while this guy was trying to feel me up. She thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. I was somewhat less amused. When I get to goal, if I start getting hit on by teh ghey  dudes, I may have to fatten back up again. I find it to be somewhat uncomfortable.

Being hit on by a woman is such a foreign concept to me that I can't even imagine it. Were it to ever happen, I might just strip down to my birthday suit and start shaking my wood at her on the spot. Who knows?
The free man owns himself. He can damage himself with either eating or drinking....... If he does he is certainly a damn fool, and he might possibly be a damned soul; but if he may not, he is not a free man any more than a dog.
foobear
on 10/6/08 1:11 am - Medford, MA
The Fuddrucker's guy was probably a chubby chaser or a "bearlover".  Fattening up again is NOT the answer. 

If I got hit on by another guy, I'd feel pretty uncomfortable, too, and I'm gay!  (Or more likely, I'd be completely oblivious to being hit upon in the first place...)

/Steve

/Steve
JFish
on 10/6/08 1:28 am - Crane, TX
I wouldn't seriously consider fattening up just to avoid unwanted predators. Male or female. One thing I'm pretty good at is alienating people that I don't care to deal with. Hell, I'm pretty good at alienating people I do need to deal with. I'm in a pretty unserious mood this morning, so everything should be taken with a huge grain of salt.

I tried to be oblivious to this Fuddrucker's guy and play it off as if it he was just a guy who was wanting to talk about lifting, but the fact that he kept rubbing his hands over my shoulders and arms as we were talking a bout my lifting regimen made it impossible. We left out of there and my wife was laughing her ass off about it and I'm telling her, "No honey, he's just investigating lifting routines......." She wasn't buying that bull**** and neither was I really. I guess he thought she was a beard or something.
The free man owns himself. He can damage himself with either eating or drinking....... If he does he is certainly a damn fool, and he might possibly be a damned soul; but if he may not, he is not a free man any more than a dog.
Boner
on 10/6/08 1:40 am - South of Boulder, CO
Hey Fish,

I can certainly relate to this comment of yours especially when it comes to my wife or the people I work with....."Hell, I'm pretty good at alienating people I do need to deal with."

I need to be workin' a "tad" on my tactfulness.

Boner

NotDave (Howyadoin?)
on 10/6/08 4:36 am - Japan
On October 6, 2008 at 8:40 AM Pacific Time, Boner wrote:
Hey Fish,

I can certainly relate to this comment of yours especially when it comes to my wife or the people I work with....."Hell, I'm pretty good at alienating people I do need to deal with."

I need to be workin' a "tad" on my tactfulness.

Boner

 Boner,
Hehe...just a tad. After all you are an accountant, right? It's part of the persona.


Best Wishes,


Dave  (I work at a women's university. I've become numb to superficial flirtation, by the way.)

 

DreTheDog
on 10/6/08 1:37 am - Keller, TX
I will be the perfect man! *snicker *snicker!

All women that know me always tell me how sweet, nice and charming I am. Most say I'm attractive for the most part besides the size. It's funny cause they all talk about what they would want in a proper relationship (cause god knows women attract a lot of ********) and I can't help but sit there and point to myself when they talk about that stuff. I'm like idiots, your guy is right here! Hell I even put the seat down!

I've never had a real relationship. I had a couple small flings about 7 or 8 years ago and been single since. (yes, haven't gotten laid in that long!). I gotta say I'm nervous as all hell. I am so un-experienced that I'm like a 16 year old. It's sad. I'm scared.

I don't and never realize how big I actually am until I look at pictures. Even when I look in there mirror I don't see myself as the huge man I actually am. It's very wierd. My goal is to loose 150lb's if not more. Once I hit it, I will probably look how I look at myself most of the time. Does that make any sense?
JFish
on 10/6/08 3:25 am - Crane, TX
Funny how the mind works, bro. I always knew I was fat, but I had no realistic mental picture of how fat I really was. In my mind I was pretty damned fit for a fat guy. Then one day a friend took a picture of me without me being aware. I couldn't hide behind somebody else or any of my other picture taking tricks. The picture below is the one that convinced me I had to do something drastic. It was taken in March of '07 and I probably weighed about 455 - 460.

But now I'm about 255, and I'm very critical of how I look. Especially when I'm walking around the house naked. That little roll around my middle really ****** me off. I want to be a flat belly, dammit. How the hell can a 455 not think he's fat, but a 255 be hyper-critical of the one body area that's still not there yet? Doesn't make sense.

Damn. Seven years w/o sex? And you're not even married? It's been a couple of months for me, but at least I have the excuse of being married. Good luck with that part of it. And remember.......you can go to hell for culling  an ugly one.

This guy here is not fit. He's just fat.
The free man owns himself. He can damage himself with either eating or drinking....... If he does he is certainly a damn fool, and he might possibly be a damned soul; but if he may not, he is not a free man any more than a dog.
wlscand09
on 10/6/08 7:06 am - Tickfaw, LA
 I feel the same way. Now that I'm at 232 or so I am constantly worried about how I look and am presenting myself. Well, I've been like that to an extent always but when I was at 345lbs I would just put on scrubs and it kind of hid the more obvious fat areas but I still knew I was fat. It's more of a thing where you sort of give up when you're fat and you just start to accept how you look no matter how bad it gets but with me I'm so neurotic I just couldn't live with it any longer. I had tried the whole dieting thing and it wasn't working so yeah, I opted very quickly to have a gastric bypass so I could get out of that fat rut.
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