fat or skinny

Hey guys,

So people at work have been telling me i'm skinny enough and that I shouldn't lose any more weight.  They are saying they can't see where I am going to be able to lose any more.  I still see myself as fat, I still have that mental image that is ingrained from 40 years of being over weight.
My wife is telling me that I am skin and bones now and she doesn't think I'm going to look or feel healthy if I lose down to that weight.  Right now I'm abou 10-12 pounds away, and I keep bouncing up and down.  I'd probably be at my goal weight if I could get rid of all the extra skin, and I keep thinking about counting that in my weight loss, but it also feels kind of like cheating to do that.  Especially since I don't know for sure that it would put me at goal, it's just a guess afterall.


I had set a target goal of 188 pounds which is the top of the BMI chart for 6'1". 
I'm kind of concerned that if I don't make it to 188 I'm going to see it as a failure, or giving up.
Then today my mom asks me if I had gained some of my weight back.  Hell no, I'm lighter than I was the last time I saw her.  So now I'm tossing this around in my head.


Hey as I'm typing this I'm thinking this is like one of those "do these pants make my ass look fat?"  questions.

I'm not really expecting an answer, just kind of wondering what you set for yourself as a goal, and when or if you were ever satisfied with your weigt loss.  When did you switch from losing to maintianing?

Thanks

Scott

First let me say. In my best Billy Crystal voice from SNL.   You look marvelous. congrats on your journey. You are an inspiration.

I can only speak from past experience(sp). and talking w/ other rny'ers.


It takes awhile to see one's self as being the right size. Like you said you have been conditioned to think of ur self as being overweight and it will take awhile to get out of that mode.
 I don't like the charts very much. After my wls I am suppose to be 180 or less. i dont think I will c that coming from 360.

Tom

Try looking at your % body fat. That (for the most part) discounts your extra skin, and gives you a more accurate picture of what's really going on with your body composition.

I forget what the scales are, but I think somewhere around 20% is fit (for a man).

I never saw a fat guy in those ball hugger bicycle shorts so .......your skinny!

I think you need to worry less about who else besides you thinks you have lost enough or who else besides you thinks you are putting on weight.

Find a way to be comfortable in your new skin.  If you need to set a number and get there, then do that. If you need to get your excess skin cut off, then do that.  I don't know about you, but this weight loss is consuming me.  I think about it multiple times a day.  I live, breath, and (literally) eat it.  I am going to have to find some way to let myself just be after I have "lost enough."

I knew and loved the fat-fat me, I have come to accept this loosing weight guy that I am, but the "skinny" man I'm going to become... I have no idea who he is and that scares the hell out of me.

All I can say, is someday, dear goodness, I hope I am "fat" like you!

This is a really good thread.  I just had a lengthy email exchange with someone who is scheduled for surgery next month about body image versus mental image.  I have been overweight/obese for as long as memory serves me so as one of the other posters said, I really don't "know" the man that I've become.  I'm cool with "him" (me) but I don't know what kind of a guy he is.  I remember before losing the weight I would see someone, either in person or online, who had lost a large amount of weight and think that they MUST be a different person than before.  They must have different ways of looking at things, they must feel different about things, they must be totally different INSIDE to match the transformation OUTSIDE.  What I have found to be reality is that I am the very same person with the same feelings, perceptions, and (unfortunately) problems that I had before.  I equate it to remodling a house on the outside completely but leaving the inside the very same.  I guess that's ok if the the inside was in order and "nice" before, but if the whole house was a wreck and you only fixed the outside then...oh well.  I'm ok with being the same person, I was relatively happy as a fat man and I'm still relatively happy as a non-fat (is that a word?) man.  It was just suprising.  Sometimes, I'll catch sight of myself in the mirror and FEEL THE NEED to act, talk, behave in gereral-differently.  Strange huh?

Jason

320-299-206-200
Highest-Surgery-Current-Goal

So there is a guy at my support group that is having trouble with self identity, I thought he was full of it when he said he couldn't recognize himself in photos.

Well the other day I was looking at photos for a little day trip the family too.  My wife was having her picture taken with a stranger, I thought wtf when did that picture happen.  Then I realized it was me in the picture with her.

I'm not so bad about seeing myself in the mirror and recognition, but I was for a while, I'd see my reflection and it would take me aback for a second or two.  Now I have gotten used to it.

I still think it's weird to look at a photo and not recognize yourself, even though that very thing happened to me.

It is kinda weird seeing the thinner you. When I was heavy I was always comfortable in who I was, always out going and confident. As my wife would say you never meet a stranger. Well sense I've lost my weight I'm not as confident or if you will as comfortable in the new me?? Sounds crazy and I'm sure like everything else you have to redefine who you are?? Rocky Top

 Hey ..  you're a lot closer to it than I am, or likely ever will be, Scott  ..  You should be very happy to be so close ..    

  I'm the same height and set the same goal   188 lbs.  as you ..   Which would give me a BMI that is "not fat" for the first time in 27 years ..  Allowing about 15 lbs. for excess skin (starting weight of 461 lbs. /  61 BMI) that means @ 260ish (apparently my post-op "set point") I'm still in the "obese"  BMI range ..  (and with a 30+ body fat %, no less) 

  Oh well, it's better than the SO BMI range or being diabetic like I was, I guess  ..   But it still sucks knowing I'm still O after going through all this, just to end up a partial-failure  ..        I wanted so badly to be THIN ..  and this realization and acceptance really starts to bum me out sometimes        I got healthy just so I could live even longer in this misery and get out more so even more people can see what a 1/2 freak I look like   ..  whoopie friggin doo ..  

I hereby certify you are qualified to wear nut hugger cycling shorts, Scott. As you know, many men and women "stuff" themselves into the old spandex and it looks like frickin' crap. You ain't one of them, man! Congratulations! Amazing transformation.

Boner