Female Infidelity On Rise

 Cross-posted from TT:

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Don’t Get Cheated On 

From Mens' Health.  http://mhtoday.menshealth.com/2008/11/dont-get-cheate.html

Neither of you will want to cheat as long as you give the relationship a little TLC

By Erin Hicks

Bad news, guys: Your girlfriend or wife is more likely than ever to cheat on you.

The New York Times reported researchers at the University of Washington discovered that, surveying the last 17 years, numbers are up for both sexes. The lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 was 28 percent, up from 21 percent. That number tripled for women, to 15 percent.

Study leaders say cell phones, e-mail, and instant messaging are allowing more women—including those who stay at home—to form intimate relationships with people other than their partner.

Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., and author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years, says she believes women are more likely to cheat now because of their independence. If they were sexually active as a single person, they’re more likely to be dissatisfied if their current relationship is lacking.

“If things aren’t great, they are more open to reliving some of the sexual passion and high points of their single days,” Schwartz says.

At what point in a relationship do things become “not great?”

“[People] get bored, or feel like, ‘Is this all there is?’ ” Schwartz says. “[The reasons] for men and women are the same: They need reassurance and they’re feeling unappreciated.”

Romance is hard to maintain on a daily basis, but there are things you can do to ensure no one’s thinking of straying. Here are 5 tips to help you avoid cheating—and being cheated on.

1. Spend a lot of time together. Relationships need face time. Accompany her to parties, business trips, after-work activities—give her the attention she craves. “You can’t do it all, but even if you’re there sometimes, it will remind her that she’s part of a great couple instead of an individual out there on her own,” Schwartz says.

2. Keep it fresh. It’s easy for couples to slip into a schedule: weekday dinners, Friday nights out … even sex can start to feel utilitarian. Mix it up by suggesting a “nooner,” and meet her back at the apartment for lunch in bed. “Rent an erotic movie, go shopping for a sex toy, buy her a sexy teddy,” Schwartz says. “Make her believe no one could be as romantic or as much fun about sexuality as you are.”

3. Deal with anger. Don’t run away from problems, or neglect them altogether and hope she forgets about it. Take strife head on. “Anger is like a termite—you don’t see it, but it’s eating the walls and the structure of the house you’re living in,” Schwartz says. “The house is the relationship, and if you don’t handle it, the termites will ultimately destroy that bond which keeps someone loyal.” Deal with your issues—now.

4. Well, it’s OK to go to bed angry. Schwartz says sometimes it’s appropriate to allow time to diffuse the situation. “What you don’t want to do is have a fight when you’re mad,” she says. “Say, ‘Look, you’re upset, I’m upset, let’s meet tomorrow at breakfast and talk about this. I’m not in the best shape to deal with it right now.’ ” If the day’s coming to an end and you feel OK to talk, then great. But if you’re still fuming, let it go when it’s white-hot. “That’s no time to solve anything,” Schwartz says.

5. Create those picture-perfect moments. You might think it’s corny, and maybe she does, too, but let’s presume for a moment all women want those picture-perfect moments (and, deep down, most women do).

“Sitting by the fireplace, reading a book, and holding hands is great foreplay, and is exactly what she’s looking for in her lover,” Schwartz says. “The less [of these moments] you have, the more she’s thinking how it used to be, or how nice it would be to have a man offering to fly her to a cabin in the woods.” Make sure you’re the one she’s in the cabin with by creating foreplay with emotion.  “You don’t have to do it all the time, but if you can’t remember the last time you did any of this: it’s way too long,” Schwartz says.

An excerpt from my response to same on TT:

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  A few observations on this article from a representative of "Weiner World":

  1- the increase in male cheat rate among over 60 guys might be attributable in part to the advent in erectile dyfunction drugs  --  a/k/a The Viagra Generation?             (think what it must be like these days in nursing/retirement homes b/c of that!      )

    2- If the cheat rate for men was 4 x that of women (and now apparently is 2:1),  either a lot of married gals are not being honest in the study, a lot of married guys are "bragging" about something they're not even doing to the researchers, or there is a LOT of guys cheating on their wives with other dudes (or a combo of those three) ..