Cheaters and WLS

 I was wondering if there have been any correlative studies done on men/women who cheat on their partners after having weight loss surgery. This would be interesting because maybe the WLS person feels more empowered since the person lost a lot of weight and feels more desirable? I dunno, just wondering about this. I guess divorce/breaking up in general can be lumped into the topic as well but mostly CHEATING.

 Hey Lance ..

  I guess the "opportunities" are out there (unfortunately) ..   I know the divorce stats are not good, if that is any indicator ..  Some of the studies on OH claim a divorce rate as high as 50% during the first year, post-op ..   (as many members say, WLS can make a weak marriage weaker and a strong marriage stronger) ..   The reasons for divorce are often for the very reasons to which you alluded for cheating ..  a feeling of new independence, confidence, jealousy, etc.   Some gals felt they were being "used" or trapped by their hubbies b/c of their MO or SO condition, as far as limiting their ability to "escape" or attract someone else to them, before their WLS ..  Once that weight is gone, they felt "empowered" and can make their escape   ..   I have seen some gals on TT say that is exactly what happened and what they did to move on in their lives after WLS ..

  As to specific instances of cheating among post-ops, we did have an infamous blow up some time back on our state forum ..  One of our fellas had RNY surgery (a good friend of mine, sad to say) and lost over 100 lbs., then started working out/biking and getting GQ .. It came out later during a campout with some of our forum members that he did the nasty with two other post-op members (both married, I had heard) ..  We were totally shocked on the forum when this news came out and had no idea why he did it .. It caused a lot of bad feelings on there ..   His wife (who was not MO, btw) and him had a cute little girl together and seemed like a very loving couple ..They first  met at work and were still working together when the new****  .. She would even post on the forum herself sometimes under her own username, telling us how much she loved him, during his journey  ..  She was all behind him to get his surgery done, and then he turned around and did something like that ..  He blamed his "lapse" on "transfer-addiction" (i.e. the sex) on the forum and I know at least I believed him, at first  ..   But then someone later on claimed he had cheated on his wife before his surgery as well ..  So it turned out he was apparently just a good ole horn-dawg, trying to blame his post-op infidelity incident on his WLS, which made him really look bad, and he left the forum in disgrace ..  

    However, we have had some couples who met on OH, usually after their respective WLSes, and they seem to be very faithful to each other .. 

   That's about all I know on the subject .. 

Young Brother...

you know me I talk to a lot of people.. and listen to even more..and when I first had surgey ..I thought the breakup and cheating were a kind of...Trading up...and there is some of that..maybe more than I am comfortable with...and then there is the issues on the spouses side..the insecurietes..the fear, and even feeling unworthy...and so they push there loved one away..not that they want to..it just happens...and then there is the ...I like a big boy...and that is as ingrained as, I wanna blond, i wanna black,. I wanna latino...so what do you do...

I have no numbers..but all I really know..is there is more to WLS than just getting new clothes...it effects everything...and now ..that is how the game is played...

I think there is a lot more opportunity once a person is post op and lost a significant amount of weight. At 500 lbs, I couldn't get anyone to look at me twice, unless I covered myself with gas and lit myself on fire.....now I basically have to carry around a bat to fight the women and some men away...lol. I know NotDave has posted that he gets a LOT of attention from women, and the temptation is there ....I guess if you have a good marriage or are committed to fixing a bad one, then you won't cheat. If your marriage already sucks ass, and you're completely unhappy, your probably more inclined to cheat.

Scott

 Hi Scott,

I get a lot (of attention) because I'm in Japan. My wife met and married me when I was a fit triathlete. Then, I gained back to about 280 and she loved me even more. So while the opportunity is there, if I pursue it and I don't think cheating would affect my relationship in any way (to me love for each person is a very different feeling), my wife keeps me so satisfied that I would feel silly going out and looking for more. I would just have to be so bored with my life to muster up the extra energy to do that. 

So, my opinon has always been that people are just "biding their time" with a less than ideal person until they lose weight. And hey, I believe the new age phrase: "Changes in body equal changes in mind/ personality."

Best Wishes,

Dave

Changes in the body equal changes in mind/personality.

I think that is very true......I know my personality has changed. I'm certainly more self confident, and not as willing to take people's crap as I was 300 lbs ago.

Scott

   unless I covered myself with gas and lit myself on fire


   LOL, Cookieman!          (I'm afraid in my pre-op days I looked so bad I don't think even THAT would have drawn a glance from the gals    )

Not sure, but I do know this: People who don't have the opportunity to cheat do not cheat. 

 Opportunity is the mother of cheating. I see guys here who might have really cute girlfriends, but they go out to drink and socialize, start dancing with girls and slip up. Some guys just  stay home some guys just "risk it."