Need a mans advice!
(deactivated member)
on 2/7/09 4:22 am - Houston, TX
on 2/7/09 4:22 am - Houston, TX
wow..my brothers have really given you some of there opinions..and that goes to show we are a good group...
I always some from a different view point..
I agree...some things are just too complicated..full out balls to the wall sex over load is probabley one of them...
of the ideas put out there...putting the computer in the family room is probable the most middle of the road...don't go and say I'm putting the computer here cause I don;t want you looking at porn..
make a legit argument..there are perves out there..and I want you protected..very legit..no one can argue with that///
(point in case...here in Houston last week..14 yo boys being internet stalked by perv)
Now..with that being said..you may have come to the wrong place for solutions...
you need to know, how as a single mother to handle this issue...we can tall you how we would handle things as a man...but you don;t have a man in the picture...
maybe ask the ladies...what did not work..so you won;'t waste you time...
and as the counsular at school...how much should be tolerated..if it's a quick peek...or is he cutting class to watch the stuff...and are his grades staying up..is he well adjusted...all of this should be considered..
ok i'll shut up..
I always some from a different view point..
I agree...some things are just too complicated..full out balls to the wall sex over load is probabley one of them...
of the ideas put out there...putting the computer in the family room is probable the most middle of the road...don't go and say I'm putting the computer here cause I don;t want you looking at porn..
make a legit argument..there are perves out there..and I want you protected..very legit..no one can argue with that///
(point in case...here in Houston last week..14 yo boys being internet stalked by perv)
Now..with that being said..you may have come to the wrong place for solutions...
you need to know, how as a single mother to handle this issue...we can tall you how we would handle things as a man...but you don;t have a man in the picture...
maybe ask the ladies...what did not work..so you won;'t waste you time...
and as the counsular at school...how much should be tolerated..if it's a quick peek...or is he cutting class to watch the stuff...and are his grades staying up..is he well adjusted...all of this should be considered..
ok i'll shut up..
I wondered about that too, Majesticdude (and it actually made me pause to wonder if we were being "put on" by the original post for that reason 
)
I propose a new lockerroom rule: if a gal posts here and wants replies, they must NOT have their profile set to "private"!
) I propose a new lockerroom rule: if a gal posts here and wants replies, they must NOT have their profile set to "private"!
Frank talk about the DS / "All I ever wanted to be was thin, like that Rolling Stones dude ... "
HW/461 LW/251 GW/189 CW/274 (yep, a DS semi-failure - it happens :-( )
When my son did this I took away the computer for a few weeks (we do have it in a public room, but this does not always work). I also tried to normalize tihs behavior letting him know that I had done similar things and that I loved him and understood that this is a drive we all have. He wasn't a bad person, just made a bad decision. However, I needed to also send him the message that it wasn't allowed in our home and that he would need to act responsibly if he wanted to use the family computer. I also reminded him that he had a younger sister that could see the stuff he had been viewing.
This is a very interesting question.
You do not want him waching Hardcore stuff on the net. But you do not want him feeling ashamed of his sexual feelings.
I would sit him down and say that while it is normal to have sexual feelings that you do not feel that at this point in his life that the Computer is the best way to discover that sexuality. Tell him that he needs to learn to appreciate and respect women first.
Tell him that while you do not approve of sexual activity at his age that he needs to become active with girls his own age and interact with them on a social level.
Don't assume that he understands what your are telling him the first time you speak with him about it. His glands are trying to justify his actions for him right now. You have to be very clear. Don't assume that he will not have questions. He has questions he may not be comfortable asking you about them.
And this is the most important thing of all. Do not I repeat very clearly do not bring in outside help to speak with him about this. This is a very simple matter, a problem which is happening in houses around the world. To bring in a "Father figure" to speak with him about this would be degrading to him. Bad enough Mom talking to me about it than Mom telling the whole world about it.
Simply tell him that if you do not know the answer to the question that you will find it for him.
There is the Computer issue.
Personally , I would go after a hardware resolution not a software resolution. In short, whatever means you use to hook up to the Internet I would take that away and not for good. Tell him it is unacceptable for him to be on these sights and your are "grounding him" from unsupervised access from the net for a period of time.
Remove the cable that connects the computer to the wall and no more access to the net yet the computer can still be used for homework , games etc. just not access to the net. , hook back up and you are on your way surfing the net.
You may even want to consider an open door policy when it comes to accessing the Internet. The door to his room must be open if he is on the Computer and the Computer is in his room.
You do have to consider one factor though. He may have burned some material onto a disk or several if he was inclined to do so and had the means.
Only you truly know your son. We can give advice and vague ideas of what you should do but its your decision how you raise your son.
You do not want him waching Hardcore stuff on the net. But you do not want him feeling ashamed of his sexual feelings.
I would sit him down and say that while it is normal to have sexual feelings that you do not feel that at this point in his life that the Computer is the best way to discover that sexuality. Tell him that he needs to learn to appreciate and respect women first.
Tell him that while you do not approve of sexual activity at his age that he needs to become active with girls his own age and interact with them on a social level.
Don't assume that he understands what your are telling him the first time you speak with him about it. His glands are trying to justify his actions for him right now. You have to be very clear. Don't assume that he will not have questions. He has questions he may not be comfortable asking you about them.
And this is the most important thing of all. Do not I repeat very clearly do not bring in outside help to speak with him about this. This is a very simple matter, a problem which is happening in houses around the world. To bring in a "Father figure" to speak with him about this would be degrading to him. Bad enough Mom talking to me about it than Mom telling the whole world about it.
Simply tell him that if you do not know the answer to the question that you will find it for him.
There is the Computer issue.
Personally , I would go after a hardware resolution not a software resolution. In short, whatever means you use to hook up to the Internet I would take that away and not for good. Tell him it is unacceptable for him to be on these sights and your are "grounding him" from unsupervised access from the net for a period of time.
Remove the cable that connects the computer to the wall and no more access to the net yet the computer can still be used for homework , games etc. just not access to the net. , hook back up and you are on your way surfing the net.
You may even want to consider an open door policy when it comes to accessing the Internet. The door to his room must be open if he is on the Computer and the Computer is in his room.
You do have to consider one factor though. He may have burned some material onto a disk or several if he was inclined to do so and had the means.
Only you truly know your son. We can give advice and vague ideas of what you should do but its your decision how you raise your son.
It's normal, and he is curious. He is interested in girls and he should be told that there is nothing wrong with this curiosity or his desire to see a womans body.
However it should be explained to him that these web sites are not the norm, they are catering to specific people and that they are not appropriate for a 13 y/o.
Certainly as has been stated before, you don't want him to feel ashamed or to feel like he has to go and sneak behind your back, because that is exactly what he will do if put into a situation where he feels it is necessary.
If he continues to use the computer for these activities after you have explained this to him and told him that you don't want him to visit these web sites on the computer, then you may have to resort to taking the computer away.
You might also warn him that these sites are loaded with spyware and viruses, and he may end up trashing the computer with a slough of viruses. That way he might see it as something besides mom coming down on him.
Scott
However it should be explained to him that these web sites are not the norm, they are catering to specific people and that they are not appropriate for a 13 y/o.
Certainly as has been stated before, you don't want him to feel ashamed or to feel like he has to go and sneak behind your back, because that is exactly what he will do if put into a situation where he feels it is necessary.
If he continues to use the computer for these activities after you have explained this to him and told him that you don't want him to visit these web sites on the computer, then you may have to resort to taking the computer away.
You might also warn him that these sites are loaded with spyware and viruses, and he may end up trashing the computer with a slough of viruses. That way he might see it as something besides mom coming down on him.
Scott
The first time you do something - It's going to be a personal record!
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