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Heck, I didn't even know gals did the nasty alone, too, until my high schol biology class     (and then I think I kinda argued with our teacher - a lady, btw - about that assertion then).   Do they really have as strong of a sex drive as we do?  


   But to get back to your questions ..   I think we'd need to know a few more things before we can make intelligent answers (or even guesses) ..   Have one or both of your had WLS?    which one?   What is the WLS spouse's current weight situation, vs. as a pre-op?  (BMIs, etc.)

 

I had WLS a few years ago and lost 150 pounds.  He is a thin guy and always has been.  We both have normal BMI's now.

I wouldn't say that my drive is as strong as the average man, but it's certainly stronger than my husbands.  I guess I just need to know where to start.  I have tried discussing it with him in a very non-confrontational way but he says it just puts a lot of pressure on him and it'll get better when he's not so stressed and tired.  I don't want to bruise his male ego and at the same time I think this is going too far.  I'm afraid that it's really damaging our otherwise beautiful relationship.

As it stands today I resent him.  I don't even want to think about sex because it instantly makes me sad and I don't want to run the risk of him turning me down again.  I've started to internalize the issue which is probably the worse thing I could do.

Who had WLS - you or him? If it is you then he might be a chubby chaser or like BBW's  and you don't appeal to him. You might have a new attitude that he finds a turnoff. He just might not be that into you/

It could be hormonal because of meds vitamins. He could be depressed and not feeling self confident.

I had WLS.  All of his ex-girlfriends were very thin so I can't imagine he was a chubby chaser.  I was actually a little surprised that he was interested in the very beginning because I was so much larger than his previous girlfriends.  I will admit that I've always wondered how attracted he could possibly be to me because when he talks about eye and hair color he likes it's the opposite of me.  I don't know.  I can't believe we're here. 

Well, given all that prior "experience", and with lovely ladies, no less ..  I'd say it's a safe bet he's not "~" ..    

  I hate to mention it, but the particular behaviors you mention, irregardless of the other spouse's appearance, is attributable sometimes to an "affair in progress" ..          You might want to keep a close reign on him and check up on him often when he's away from home ..   

   Good luck to you guys ..  

My suggestion would be that you visit a counselor.  It really sounds like this is beyond anecdotal advice.

If he will go, that will be the most beneficial; if he won't, you will have to decide if you want to seek counseling to help you deal with the issue.

FYI - I'm a minister.  If this situation came to me as a pastoral care issue, I would refer immediately.

Good luck!

I agree with Brianburke. We can easily joke and make comments about this issue, but the truth is that there is a marriage at stake. If it can be saved, then it would be terrific.

It has been my experience that men and women each have needs. Some are financial, some are sexual, others are recreational companishionship, and many others. If you are meeting all your spouses needs, then your spouse will tend to want to meet all yours.

I would suggest getting counseling so you will each learn each others needs and also learn how to reconcile your differences and learn how to work through your issues.

Good luck to both of you.