I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

As of right now I was goin to stay at home to recover but the closer it is gettin I think that I might have to find a friend cuz this is just not goin to work I think. I would love more then anything to be able to make the 5 1/2 hour car ride and stay with my Grandma but I don't think that thats goin to happen :(  Thanks for the support!!!

That would be a long car ride!! Are you have the open RNY? Can your grandma come stay and keep the peace between you and your parents? Otherwise I would look to see abt staying at a friend's house for the 1st week at least just so you have some help if you need it. I lived in Winona and La Crosse for many years and wish I still have friends who weren't married and without kids that could house you. My friend works at Gunderson. I should tell her to come by and say Hi.

I am not havin open thank God!! My Grandma might be able to come up but its not likley. I have a friend lined up!!! Thanks for the friend idea I would feel weird at someones house I don't know. I would love the company and I would love for her to stop in and say hi!! Thanks for all the support!!!
~Valerie~

I'm glad you have a supportive friend!! You really don't need alot of stuff done for you the 1st week or 2 when you get home but support and someone to walk with ya. You sleep alot. Thats why I suggested to stay with a friend. If it weren't for my honey constantly telling me time to walk.... I may have slept right through the day!!

Thanks for all the replies it really really really helps havin my OH "family" for support when it is aparent that I can't count on my own family. I hope you are all right and that things will change after surgry. It hurts more then anything to not have my mom on bored and what hurts the most is that she will say the negitive things that she does. I will keep my head up and this will not make me back down I love a good challenge so this adds to the cake!! Thanks all again for the support I couldn't do it without all of you and I mean that!!!
~Valerie~
P.S. for thoes of you who have sent me a messages wanting to know details
Surgry is Feb 4 at Gundersen Luthern in LaCrosse WI

Valerie,

If you're anything like me (and I'm not all that unique...), you did your research - and SOMETHING you read while doing that research struck a chord within you - THIS IS MY ANSWER.  If that's the case, then you have to believe yourself.

Not that going forward WITHOUT the support of your parents is easy, I'm sure it's not.  You have already assured her that you are not going to hit them up for financial assistance, but maybe you could ask her, PLEAD with her, to at least go with you to one of your appointments.  To educate HERSELF on the mis-perceptions of the risks of this surgery. 

Of course there are risks.  People have died from slivers before, for cryin' out loud - this IS major surgery!  But the risks are no greater than any other surgery people undergo every single day, in every single hospital in the country.  But if you DON'T take control of your weight, those risks become minimal to the almost certain health issues you will face as a result of your obesity.  I know I don't need to list them here.

This is how I look at the gloom-and-doom mongers - Every single day of every single year, THOUSANDS of airplanes take off, carrying TENS of THOUSANDS of people across the continent, across the WORLD, without a glitch.  The ONE PLANE that crashes - the ONE PLANE that does a water-landing on the Hudson River - THAT's the ONE FLIGHT you hear about.  THAT'S the one that makes the news, NOT the 7,352 () other flights that went flawlessly.  It gives those pre-disposed to fear a very warped view of the safety of the airline industry.   Same goes for this surgery.  There ARE complications, and heaven forbid, even deaths, as a result of it. But if there were handy statistics for how many people die for every 1,000 that have surgery, I'm sure it would be a tiny fraction.  REALLY eye-opening.

If you can not get her to even listen to reason, then tell her you love her, and you truly wish she could love you enough to support you unconditionally, but that you love yourself enough to do this for your health.  Not hers.  It's really that simple. 

Thanks Darla I have tried the pleadin and the beggin her to go with to an apointment and to a psych apointment. And thanks for the plane example it really put things in perspective. And I have come to the point that I have told her that if we can't agree that we agree to disagree. And I won't talk to her about it if she comes she comes if not then I won't be surpised.And her support is not goin to make me back out!! Thanks for all the support!!
~Valerie~

My mom wasn't complete supportive either but I knew it had to do more with her fears of what might happen.   Yes surgery is risky but the lifestyle I was living was a lot more riskier.  Now that I'm nearly a year out she sees who much positive things this has brought to my life and her negative comments have really ceased.  Don't let her comments ruin your chance of getting healthy.  I'm sure her comments are coming from places inside her that she is scared of facing.  It will take time for her to come around and maybe she won't but that is her problem not yours.  Do this for you!!!

I am wondering if your mom is a heavy woman too? I wonder if that has something to do with her negative reaction towards this positive decision you have made to forever change your life for the better?  When I told my best friend I was having RNY she said "Oh man, now I will be the fat friend and you will be the skinny one"  I realized that if I wasn't careful, my shrinking could affect our friendship.  Thank goodness she is honest with her feelings so we can deal with it.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

This is the main problem my mom has never been more then 130 and thats when she was pregers with all her kids there for she has NO idea what its like to really be big there for she doesn't understand why I can't just loose my weight by diet and excersize grrrrrr