I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

No one has brought up boundaries.  Maybe if your mother can't be supportive, you just shouldn' t talk to her about it as much.  You don't need to be nasty.  Tell her when you're having the surgery and what your plans are and leave it at that.  If she starts with her negativity, just say, "OK."  I mean, just cut off the whole conversation.  What's the point of pleading with somebody who just doesn't get it and just wants to continue to be negative?  I'm speaking as someone who has a lot of experience in establishing boundaries with overbearing, negative people.

kb 

I agree with you 100% and I have told my mom that we need to agree to disagree at theis point and that I am not goin to talk about it. I wrote her a letter about bein there for me and she never responded I e-mailed it to her and I know she read it cuz I saw a copy of it on the desk and I know she has been on-line and not responded so I just have acted like I never wrote anything. Thanks for the support!!
~Valerie~

Darla - that is a GREAT idea... I'm going to file that one away in case I ever need to use it.. GENIOUS!

Lots of good advice- I jus want to offer a big Hug!

Thanks for the BIG hug I LOVE hugs and can never get enough thanks again for the support!!
~Valerie~

I understand your position very well. I lived with my bf, his 76 y/o mother, a brother and his gf.  The mother is in charge of all the dinner meals. She refused to even think of making anything that would be easier for me to eat. She cooks a roast 2 times as long as it needs to be. Etc.

She never wanted to give up control of the kitchen to let me make my own food, most of the time I ended up eating whatever she made.  MY MISTAKE.. I did not take the power away from her. I am 3 1/2 years out, down 120, would like to lose another 20 or so. In order to take care of me, I had to move out of the house and into an apartment by myself. I still have my relationship with the most supportive bf, but I now have control.

What I am trying to say, reflects on what everyone else said, THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY, FOR YOU!! Hold fast to your plan. Whether she comes round or not, that is HER issue to deal with. Seeking counseling has been my way of coping with all the stresses. I even asked MIL to go with, no surprise that she said NO.

Hang in there, even when the people that really mean alot to us, don't support our dream, we have to strive for that dream for ourselves.

Best of luck to you,

Karen

Control hmmm that would explaine my mom perfect! I have found a friend that I am goin to stay with after if we can't get things worked out. The nice thing is my mom doesn't cook for me I am on my own for that just cuz I'm not home most of the time when dinner is made so I am fine with that. Thanks for all the support it means everything to me~!!
~Valerie~

My thought is your mom cares a great deal for you and your health, but she hasn't a clue how she's coming across.

Just tell her you'd like to not discuss this with her anymore and if she brings it up again, tell her you are not going to discuss it.

Do you live with her? If so, how are the two of you going to work this out when you are home recovering? You may need to sit down and have a real talk about that before the stress of surgery sets in.

Good luck & hang in there!

I do live with her and I am goin to stay at a friends house for awhile if we can't work things out. I have tried the talkin that don't work and I have even tried the letter and the email and the tryin to get her to a Psyc and doc apointment. Thanks for all the support it means the world for you!!
~Valerie~