Not feelin' it

So I have my surgery in a week (May 11th), and I've been reading the message boards and realize that most of the comments made before surgery are things like, "I'm so excited, I just want this day to finally get here!"  And I have to admit that I am terrified!  I am excited for some of the vain reasons like wanting to shop in the "normal" sizes, but I think my fear is consuming my excitement.  I feel like I'm supposed be ecstatic and I'm not.  I worry that my lack of enthusiasm about the surgery means that life wasn't bad enough as a large person.  I have been told by a few people that they didn't think I was fat enough to get the surgery.  I've also been told that if I can't stick to a diet now, how will I change after the surgery? I worry that they are right, and that I am jumping the gun.  My real reason for surgery is because I don't want to get any fatter. And I want to be able to have kids someday.  And because obesity, diabetes, and heart disease are prevalent in my family's history.  I guess I would just like to know if there are people who made the choice without being super stoked?

I wasn't super excited... well.. I was hopeful but honestly I feared that it wouldn't work. But boy HAS it. You are getting the RNY... so it will most definitely work if you follow the rules. The rules are a lot easier to get used to post-op because you have a tool that helps you.

It's normal to be scared... but if you feel off guard... maybe you should do more research into your options. I would also recommend getting together for coffee or meeting with a support group. That helped me tremendously to solidify my decision.

I was so scared that I cried all the way to the hospital. It is normal. Idid it for almost the exact reason you did. And you will feel like you jumped the gun after the surgery too, but I am 4 months out, down from a size 24 to a size 12-14 and just moving and getting out of bed and riding a bike is a whole new excitment.  I was 272 and dieting before i was still gaining weight... the thing I always think is I NEVER wanted to be the person who would say "Man, I wish I would have done this sooner". if you need to talk or have questions you can always message me.

I was very anxious before surgery. I was not scared of the surgery itself, but what life afterward would be like. I was especially scared about how eating would be like, all the stuff I thought I couldn't have.   Believe me, you will lose weight with surgery, you won't fail.  In most cases, especially in the beginning, your pouch won't let you fail.  You just CANT eat like before both in quantity or quality of food. 

You're doing this for a great reason, to be able to have kids some day.  I went through 2 years of trying to conceive while hovering around 350.  I did finally get pregnant, but it was way harder than it should have been.  I'm sure alot had to do with my weight.  A large part of why I wanted surgery is to be healthy and active for my now 16 month old daughter.  And, to change my eating habits so that she can have a good start at eating the right way.

You may not be super stoked now, and you might feel the same after surgery while you recover and get accustomed to the new way of life, but give it a month or two or four, and you'll be so happy with the decision you made not to waste anymore time being fat.

Hi! I just looked at your website and was thinking that from what you have all written it might be a good idea to really do some more research on the surgery. I had my surgery about 6 weeks ago, lost 44 pounds so far but I am also terrified down the road of failure. I know that I just have to use my tool!!! But I wonder if my mind will stay focused forever and ever??!! I am not going to lie to you the last 6 weeks haven't been the easiest weeks of my life, but so far I can honestly say it has been worth it, if I was you I would be practicing how we are to eat after surgery, I didn't do that much before surgery and now I am paying the price, if I don't puree my food I throw up everytime I eat and I still eat way too fast!! I now wish I would've practiced this more beforehand! Anyways, I wish you the best of luck and you can message me with any questions if you want! Good Luck!!!!!

I think it's very normal to question your choice.  I certainly did, and cried all the way to the hospital.  I am so very thankful for this surgery, but it's not an easy choice.  And it's not easy after surgery.  If you don't follow the rules long-term, you will gain weight.  You may want to consider seeing a therapist/counselor who deals with weight loss patients.  There are reasons we choose to overeat and eat unhealthy foods that make us morbidly obese, and seeing a counselor may help you find out why you do and how you might stop doing so.  I didn't see a counselor until after surgery, and I wish I had done it before.  I'm not sure it would have changed anything, but it might have made it easier for me.  I believe that my overeating was an addiction to food, and I attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings because it helps me deal with that addiction.  Although my tummy is smaller, and I make different food choices now, the "addiction" is still there, and needs to be dealt with.  I wish you the best as you move along this journey, and hope you'll find the right path for you!

I think the feelings you are having are completely normal.  I also had second thoughts like, "I don't think I am fat enough or sick enough for this surgery" - the thing is, I wasn't getting any thinner and I WAS developing high bp and high cholesterol amongst other problems.  I talked with my surgeon about this and he said that sure, your body can handle the extra weight in your 30's and 40's, but it WILL catch up to you in your 50's.  NOW is the time to do something about it, before you have problems.  You need to dig deep and figure out whether you are able to lose the weight and maintain it without the WLS - probably not or you wouldn't be where you are now.

I was scared too, but I was determined to change my life and my future.  I am now 6 weeks out and have lost 30 lb.  It isn't easy, but I am glad I went through with it.

Good luck with your decision -

Amelia

It is a scary thing!!!  I had a lot of the same feelings.  Thinking that I was doing it for the "vain" reasons.  But, tomorrow will be my 2 week post-op.  It is a daily battle, with my feelings of wanting to eat something.  That is what I did daily before surgery, what I should or should not eat.  Now it is that I CAN NOT eat the stuff that I use to over eat.  I always thought that "I don't eat that much, how come I keep gaining weight", but now that I am not eating the same stuff and eating when I want to or think that I am hungry, I realize how MUCH I did eat in the past.  I felt very numb a couple of weeks before surgery, everyone that knew I was having the surgery kept asking "Are you super excited????"  On the inside, I was like I don't know.  I have the same family history, of insulin dependent diabetes and heart disease at an early age, and as a nurse I knew I had to do something about it NOW, and not wait until those things happened.  There are a few rough days after surgery, I will not lie to you, and Dr. Johnson (who did my surgery also on 4-22-09)  will tell you also.  But it is so worth it, I have already been able to stop a couple of my medications.  It is so going to be worth it!!!!  You will get excited, it will take time, I think of it like being an alcoholic or drug addict.  You never think you are one while you are using!!   You will do fine, I wish you the best of luck, and all will go well.  Dr Johnson is great!!!  I raise my cup of tomato soup to you!!!

I think the fear of failure is very powerful.   I didn't think I was going to succeed at this and thought maybe if I was lucky I would only lose 80 lbs.   II didn't want to get to excited because I didn't want to disappoint myself if I failed.  I guess I was numb; I wasn't scared for the surgery; but wasn't too excited about it either.  I knew it was the right thing I was 323 lbs and not getting smaller on my own.  My dad had died at the age of 41 of a heart attack so I knew for me this really was my only choice.   Your not going to wake up and automatically be 100 lbs lighter it is a journey to get to that point and you will more than likely have a tough few months getting use to the new way of life.   However all the positives that come out having this surgery have given me back a life I didn't even know I was missing.  

Be rest assured your feelings are very normal.  I almost backed out on the way to the hospital; I was in a similar situation, I had a lot of comments; your not big enough to have surgery. But you were able to lose weight on Weigh****chers!  I second guessed my decison all the time.  I cried about 5 days out of surgery, because I wasn't feeling my best; not working yet and I couldn't rely on my favorite friend FOOD. I am 4 months out and I am SO HAPPY!!  I did it and don't regret it.  I am off meds and my feet and knees don't hurt continously.  I can walk up stairs and not feel winded.  Everything is better in my life!!