Prayers needed

With out going into a lot of detail - could I ask for some prayers for my family/self. No need to respond..just some thoughts and prayers our way would be greatly appreciated. As few of you know we've had some major problems w/our oldest who is nearly 12 that we adopted 8 summers ago. Termination of our parental rights has been inevitable it seems for some time. Today we were basically told - its gonna happen. My own mental health the last 9 months has been up and down. I've got my psychiatrist telling me she thinks I should apply for SSDI. I can tell you right now that it would probably be approved or least close to it as I'm batteling staying out of the hospital yet again. Today - Didn't help any. I know the 'logic' of things behind this stuff with Corry. Yet...I so desperatly want to be his mom. I want him to want me to be his mom. I want him to know who his siblings are. And yet it can't happen. No one wins. I didn't sit in front of the judge 7 yrs ago to be going back and doing the opposite. I didn't sit in front of the temple worker w/Corry to be sealed to have that all taken away. I've got 2 other little ones at home that need me. And right now - I can't even see the past the forest and the trees. I've got a 6 yr old sitting on the steps crying because the neighbor girl broke her water gun. And I can't go outof my home to even begin to deal with this. I'm a wreck. Top it all off - I start a new job tmw and it will most likely not be permanent as I have an interview (2nd one) to 'finalize' a full time job with Lens Crafters... Enough said. TIA...Gala

Gala, sometimes by letting go we actually gain. I can entirely understand your feelings that you have failed as a mother. I have had them many times in my parenting journey. If the powers that be feel it is in the best interest of your child to be placed in another environment. But by doing do, he has the opportunity to learn in another environment, and that alone, can be what will provide him with the knowledge of what he gained while he was with you. He will remember the love and the spirit that was present when he was with you. It may not be for years yet, but it will not leave him. Even if he spends the rest of his life, or until he reaches adulthood, in another environment. He will have the blessings of being with your family in the back of his stored memory. The day prior to my youngest child being born, I was uncomfortable because she was a small baby following the path of a much larger baby 13 months prior. She would bounce her head on my cervix between easy contractions. My husband gave me a blessing, he told me in that blessing that the child about to be born would be a difficult child, but would one day bring me comfort. When she was an adolescent and I determined that the only way I could insure her safety was to place her in a Psychiatric Hospital, as you can well imagine it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was horrified, but I wanted my child preserved. Often in the years that followed, I remembered that blessing dear husband had given me, and wondered if it would ever happen. And low and behold, I lived to see that day, it came about one little bit at a time, but it did happen, and I also lived to hear her say, how grateful she was for her mother having let her go, and allowed her to have the kind of care that she received in "The Home" as she refers to four different treatment facilities she spent time in. When she is annoyed at me, she tells me that if I don't cooperate with her she will place me in a "Home" in my old age. She is 28 years old, has four children, and lives around the corner from me. Until recently she was Primary President in our Branch. This is a child that would not even go to church from the time she was 11 or 12. I suspect your son, is still going to be your son in Heavenly Fathers plan. I doubt the state you live in, has any concern about this child's spiritual sealing to you. Thus it will remain intact, will it not? He may go to another environment to be raised. But his spirit has the knowledge you provided him, and it will not be taken from him. The hardest thing you will ever do is let him go, but it will very likely prove to be the best thing for the rest of your family. As to your health, you have an obligation to your two younger children to do what you can to pull your self together as we say in the world known only to mothers. Many times when my young daughter would be missing for two or three weeks at a time, and I would have no concrete knowledge that she was alive, only the spirits' witness to me that she was well and alive. I would think to myself, as you've expressed, that it would be easier to know that she had died, than to spend so much time worrying about her well being. I have a very strong testimony of the pre-existence, and Heavenly Fathers Plan for us in this life. We knew it would not be easy, but still we wanted to come here and learn the things that are here for us to learn. It's unfortunate (at least it seems that way, it actually may not be in the final scheme of things) that the plan for this child of yours may come with lots of extra bumps in the road, but it is so often true with the children that turn out to be the greatest blessings to us. And I have the testimony of many other mothers' to back that up. Love and May the spirit give you comfort, Linda

Gala, I want you to know that you and your family have been in my prayers for a very long time now. I sensed that your problems weren't completely resolved and you were still in need of prayers. I've put your name on the temple prayer list several times. I think about you often and pray that you will have the wisdom to know how to handle the situations you are facing and that will have the strength to overcome problems. You are loved. Melody

Dearest Gala, I will continue putting you and your family on the prayer list in the temple. My heart goes out to you. You are on my mind alot. I do mean alot! Today I was listening to another of Michael Mcleans songs, my daughter gave me. It is about a mother talking to her child. She had not been the mother, that day, that she wanted to be. It talks of needing the child to sing a lulabye to the mother. I am going to try and get a cd together to send you. The one my dau gave me has been very comforting. Please take some comfort in the fact that we here love you and are praying for you. Grins, Kaye