Betraying my husband?

First off let me tell you that my husband and I have been married for 12 years and I love him dearly. We are both very active in church and have been sealed now for 11 years. I went to my surgeon early Feb 2006 with my dad (he was having the surgery too). We were both excited and nervous at the same time. First the Dietician spoke to us, then the nurse practitioner, and then the doc came in to speak with us. When he walked in a HUGE wave of comfort came over both of us. I can NOT deny that the feelings I felt were the Holy Ghost testifying to me that this was right. I know it sounds silly, considering it is over a surgery, but this was a life changing decision I was making and I wanted to make sure it was the right one. I felt so comfortable with my doc and knew it was right. Well my Dad had his surgery first (in March) he passed away 2 weeks later from a blood clot that went undetected by the local hospital (not in any way associated with the hospital where the surgery was performed). He was only 51 years old and weighed 330. So needless to say the family is now a little nervous about me having surgery. My surgery was postponed because the Hospital wasn't Medicare Certified, so they are in the process of getting that done, 8-9 month wait. So I've had ample time to wait and think this through. I really prayed about it again and again received my answer in the possitive. This time it came from my own mother's mouth and she didn't even realize it! She was giving a recently widowed young woman advice and what to do in regards to a situation and she said, "When someone dies, you have to keep on going with the "plan" you had made before they died. Just because they died doesn't make the plan wrong." It hit me like a ton of bricks. THE PROBLEM......My husband says he wants me happy, will support me with the surgery, will take care of me and the whole 9 yards, BUT he just informed me that he doesn't really want me to have the surgery. He is scared. He went with my dad and I when we had the consultation with the doc. So he understands the surgery and felt good about it before. I don't feel like I am giving 100% to the marriage because my weight gets in the way. Right now I am 245 lb @ 5'4". I am tired all the time. I suffer with sore joints, shortness of breath, depression and anxiety, blood sugar instability...you know...all the pre-major complications. My doc said that I was the best canidate for the table because I am low risk. This reassures me, but I just feel like if I go through with it, I am not respecting his wishes. Do you feel that I am out of line by going through with the surgery? -Barb

Barbara, I think your dear husband is just what he said 'scared' after the trauma the family has allready had it would seem easy enough for that to happen. But as young as you are, the risk are so much less. I know what you mean about feeling your Dr. is the right person for the job. I had the same experience with mine. I was by luck of draw giving the youngest surgeon in the group I choose to use. He reminded me on more than one occasion that he was young, and that I could feel free to pick one of the older surgeons. But I looked at this young mans credentials and felt like when I prayed about it, he was IT. In fact I told him that the last time he asked me if I wanted someone with more experience. As I'm 61, I'm the oldest person he had done this surgery for so far, in fact the oldest person his group had done. But fortunately I was still in good enough health, that I had no real problems with it. Still early as I am only 6 weeks out, but so far all is going well. I wish I could have done something like this when I was much younger. Linda Woods

Barb, I think he jkust scared, he knows the risks, he loves you dearly and he just doesn't want to see you hurting or to lose you. He will be ok, just love him mback and let him be scared. He will give a 100% to, wait and see. He may want a blessing to help get rid of his doubts. Talk to him and tell him its ok to be scared. Best of luck and my prayers are with the two of you. Kaye C

Barb, I echo Kaye's sentiments. Your husband needs a priesthood blessing to help him know if this is something that you need to do. We don't take enough advantage of the priesthood, a gift given us by our Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to turn to him. Your husband loves you and would rather have you heavy than not have you at all. Good luck. Pray for your husband. He needs your prayers too. Melody

Dear Barb, Wow what your Mother said was so true. Your Husband Loves you and is just scared because of what happened to your Father. Just love him. Your Father was needed on the other side more than here. I too was on the lighter side of the scale for the surgery. but I have never felt better in my whole life. I would do it again. and Hugs All will be well. Love Ruthy