Monday Evening Why Musings...

I know I can post this hear and feel safe....so here it goes. Why is it that no matter how hard you try (or I try) I still struggle every rotten day w/eating? Why is it that not a sole told me my stomach would swell to the size of a 6 month pg woman after my hysterectomy each and every day? That I would go from wearing a size 10-12 loosely to having my 'old size 14's' be tight? That wearing jeans would make my stomach hurt and the swelling worse? WHY? Why does adoption have to be so rotten expensive? There are MILLIONS AND MILLIIONS of babies in this WORLD that need loving, caring, doting parents. And yet $20,000 is CHEAP!! That the saying "YOu get what you pay for" really is true when it comes to adoption? Why is it that I swore up and down that I would NEVER EVER adopt again and yet almost every single day I'm reading international adoption websites - particularly Haiti. I know that we are struggling financially right now. However, someday....soon I would like another baby - child. At the rate of $20,000 my children will be graduated from highschool. I know what happened w/Corry. I know how we got in those shoes. I hold the agency and State of WI directly responsible for the failure of his adoption and what is/has happend to him. Plain and simple. Why do people who take care of themselves, who are as sweet and kind as they come, who are just plain wonderful person to be on this earth have to get cancer? And those who drink themselves to the grave, abuse themselves and everything aroiund them live to be 100 w/no physical/health ailments? Why one...and not the other? (James' therapist recently was dx w/breast cancer. James is struggling more and more w/having a 'different' person filling in with her and he doesn't want to change again because she is supposed to be back to work by the end of the year. She is just as sweet and nice as they come) Why?? WHY?? WhY? That is my question today!!!!! I'm trying to not say "why try"...but it is getting harder and harder!!! Okay...I'm done. Go on w/the rest of your day. Gala

Gala, These are my thoughts - good or bad - but still my thoughts. I learned a lot of years ago (I worked emergency ambulance calls for more than 25 years and I have seen many, many tragic situations) anyway, I learned many, many years ago that the word "why" or "what if" can be a destroying factor. I learned to trust in the Lord and accept whatever He had in store for me. I couldn't change things with the "why" or "what if" question. I just had to accept things and go on. There are a lot of uncertanties in this life. Our goal is to make the best with what we have, not give up, and make the best decisions we could possibly make. Remember the saying "I never said it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it. Your friend Melody

Gala dear girl, you sound so much like my husband. He thinks the same way you do! He's 64 years old, and still unable to break out of the 'negative' cycle of thought. Our dear Melody has said it far better than I am able. Love you and wishing you the blessing of piece of mind and ACCEPTANCE of this part of the journey, Linda W. P.S. This is just a test, it seem at times like the more inteligence we are blessed with the greater the test of the mind are.