Need anonymous help-hubby related

I am posting anonymously because, obviously, this is really personal and I don't want anyone to know who I am. About three months ago I found a porn site on my husbands computer. I didn't think much of it, because sometimes stuff happens when you are surfing and you accidentally click on something, etc. So I kind of shrugged it off. Then about a month ago I found another porn site in his cache, this time it had some gay porn. I confronted him and he adamantly denied that he was looking at porn. We fought about it, but eventually he convinced me, even though how on Earth does porn get on your cache if you aren't visiting those sites? Anyway, I was using his computed this morning, and guess what? Another porn site. I know if I confront him about it he will deny it, but I don't believe him. What do I do? Honestly, it's not even the porn that bothers me so much, it's the lying and the fact that our sex life sucks because he is never interested, and if he is not going to make love to me, I certainly don't want him making love to the computer. I don't want to talk to our bishop because I don't want to embarass him, and if he just sits there and denies it, we can't make any headway anyways. Help!

If I didn't know better I would think you were my MIL about 5 yrs ago. You need to contact your bishop. It isn't a matter of embarrassing him. this is against church doctrine. Against the law. And surely against the faithfullness of your marriage. My MIL went threw the same thing w/my FIL. Ony he didn't deny it. Email me privately if you wish. Hang in there!! Love, Gala

I agree with Gala. You need to talk to the Bishop. Even if he denies it..you KNOW the truth and you neeed help getting through this. Daph

I agree with Gala, I have walked in simular shoes you do need to go to the Bishop. This is a epademic in are faith Satun is taring familys apart. But there is help and they can be helped. My Friend started by locking her computer up. one with a pass word and a key lol. Lots of prays preisthood blessing helps one go threw this. If your love one had cancer you go see the appropreate person. this is the same with the bishop. Lots of love and Prayers held hand with a very close friend threw the same thing.

If you love him - tell on him. How else can he own his behavior and begin the repentance process. *****graphy involves deceit, lies, masturbation, self loathing, etc. It often leads to the next step of becoming a perpetrator. It is an addiction. Your husband will deny and cover until he is no longer able to. He needs help! President Hinckley has spent the good part of many general Priesthood meetings addressing *****graphy and how it ruins lives - ruins marriages - ruins families. It will take much courage on your part to follow through with it all because it is embarrassing to not only your husband but to you and all involved. If it were cancer. Wouldn't you want to get all the help possible to save his life? Good luck! You are truly in my prayers. Love, Joyce in az

I agree with the other posters. However I have some additional thoughts on this. I think that BEFORE you go see the bishop, you need to have a sit down with your hubby and tell him that you keep finding *****n the computer and how much it distresses you. Tell him how violated you feel, betrayed, and confused by it all. You need to tell him you are going to see the bishop to help you deal with this...ask him to go with you and get some counceling and advice from him so that you can save your marriage. If your hubby is addicted to porn and not showing any sexual interest in you there is a deeper problem and it won't be solved by ignoring it. While his porn addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT, look deep within yourself to see where any other type of fault may lie. Perhaps he is not feeling emotionally connected to you or (and this part sucks to even say) perhaps he isn't sexually aroused by you physically. As much as we want to say that making love is an expression of love between husband and wife, you can't deny the physical aspect of it. Now I don't know what type of gay porn you are referring to. If it's just all women, then I can see (not condone) that being somewhat "normal"....men in general have some sort of facination with that. If it's just men, he maybe having some sort of issues with his own sexuality. As much as you are hurting, this kind of issue is also painful for him. Perhaps he is using porn to deal with it rather then actually going out and trying it for himself. If he is willing to get help, be supportive. But do not comprimise yourself. If he chooses not to then let him no what the consequenses with be in no uncertain terms. Even separating. And get some counceling for yourself. You can't help him if you are emotionally drained and angry. My prayers are with you and your family. love, Tammy

I have an idea that might help you. Go into the history part of the internet sites. I believe the history site will tell you how long he has been looking at the site. If it is only a second or two, then he is innocent and has gotten some porn spam. I know that at least two times my computer has gotten some porn spam on it and it was a dickens to set the firewall and block it. If you know anyhing about computers (I don't know very much) then maybe you can set a firewall that will block the porn sites. Before going to your bishop, spend a few minutes at the internet history site on your computer and see if your husband really is spending a lot of time at these sites and if he is, definately go to your bishop because we all know what a poison the porn is and the downward spiral it causes. Good luck in this difficult situation, Keep us posted on how things are going, Melody

I had to deal with a similar problem on my computer a few months ago. My husband opened a junk mail site, and it came with a virus. So I did lots of research, until I found the right things to clean the files out. But one of the locations I came upon is this. 1. Select Tools 2. Select Internet Options and under look at Temporary Internet Files, there will be three selections there. 3. Select Settings, this will open another small screen 4. Click on View Files. This will give you dates times, and you can see frequency of visits. It will give you the sites, and help you to know what type of porn your dealing with as well as give you some more insight into what perhaps his issues are. Sorry this is happening to a sister, it is in fact a very destructive issue and one that is happening way too often in the LDS home. Linda W.