NEED ADVICE!

This is so hard but I really need some advice. First of all, DH and I had a really good friend and her son who is 3 months older then my youngest move in with us about 2 months ago. Her living arrangments plus some personal tragedies she went thru made her want to move from her home state here to Utah. While it's hectic having 8 people in the house, it's also nice having her here. Both my dh and my friend get along great - not inapproriately of course, but still great. My problem? I have a 25 year old brother who is married (he says very unhappily) who is emailing and IMing very inappropriate things to my friend - flirting with her - making sexual comments to her - etc. I confronted him about it and he seemed to stop. Until tonite. She got an IM from someone who seemed to know she was being a nanny for us (I have gone back to work parttime) and kept making comments on MY husband needing her to be a "naughty nanny". The IM came from someone who used a screen ID and not his real name but was from Utah. My friend is upset and asked me to find out if it was my brother. So while searching yahoo members I did find my brother listed with SEVERAL screen IDs and all his profiles listed him as single and looking. Most of these profiles were just recently updated. I did not find him connected to the screen name from tonite's IM, but I am very upset with the profiles he has created. He has been married for 5 years, sealed in the temple, etc. While I understand he isn't happy, I now completely believe he's cheating on his wife. She's not allowed to read any of his text messages, read his email, etc. My brother told me that my friend completely misunderstood what he was saying. There is NO WAY any of us misunderstood what he was saying. I don't know what to do. He's harassing my friend inspite of both her and I asking him to stop. Truthfully I'm at the point that I'm about to tell his wife. My brother is completely out of control. But I am worried about the fallout. And believe me there will be some major fallout. First of all my parents will automatically take his side and find someway to make this any and everyone's fault BUT his. Second, it may actually break up my brother's marriage. Third, I don't want ANYONE in my family trying to blame my friend for this. She didn't do ANYTHING! She's upset, embarrassed, and feeling like she might have some sort of crazy stalker on her hands. As much as I love my brother, I think she might be right. What do I do? Tammy

Tammy, tough situation to be in. I don't have any real ideas for you but my gut tells me to have your friend STOP reading the messages. When she sees a message from this person, hit the delete button. If this stalker doesn't get any encouragement they'll stop. I think it might be wrong to tell your SIL because "what if" your brother is innocent. It sounds like your brother's marriage is in trouble. If he is guilty then he is NOT living up to his temple covenants. Certainly your SIL isn't so naive that she can't see or feel the problems in her marriage. Talk to your bishop or priesthood leader and ask them for advice on what to do. The advice just might be to do NOTHING. We all have enough problems of our own without making someone else's problem ours. Good luck Tammy. I wish that I had some words of wisdom to give you. Melody

Thanks Melody. We have just found out it IS my brother. Even after he has been told more then once to stop, he continues to do it. He has my friends email addy, phone number, etc. He just won't take NO for an answer. So my DH is going to have a serious man-to-stalker chat with him. And if something else happens one more time, DH will tell his wife. We are keeping all transcripts plus I made copies of all his different screen names with his picture and profiles listed stating he's "single and looking". I'm not going to risk our peace and sense of well being to protect my brother any longer. If he can choose the behavior he can deal with the consequences. T.

I believe the best thing you could do is confront him about it. Going in cirlces with everyone else but him accomplishes nothing. He is your brother and he will probably deny it, but at least he will realize that your friend does not like getting these messages, that you are in communication with her when she does get them and that you are actively trying to track down who it is. You can approach him by asking him if it is him and that if he denies it then apologize but tell him you had to ask based on past stuff. I bet just knowing that you will bring it up will put a stop to it coming to your friend....it may not stop him if he is doing it to others, but it will stop him from sending it your friend...hopefully. Then if it continues then I would approach his wife and express your concern. Christy

Its too bad this happens. Clearly he has forgotton his presthood, and temple duties. I have to go along with everyone else as well. I might even add to tell and show his wife. She has the right to know and should. If he has cheated on her she has the right to get tested for STD's. The guy is way dumb. Why would anyone put a photo of themself's if they where doing such a wrong thing as he is? I hope this gets better for you. Im so sorry you have to go thru this.

What to do? 1. Get your friend to change her phone number and not give the new number to your brother. Or block him so he can't call her phone. Most phone can do this it should be a piece O cake. 2. Tell your Bishop about the problem and let him handle it from there. That's such a sad situation, people sure do get themselves into some terrible messes. Kerry