Struggling

I am really struggling here and just need to do some venting. I feel "okay". Not the best but better than I thought I would. I think alot of my pain in my back is due to having had the gall bladder removed and also the bladder infection that I have. I don't tolerate crying to begin with...and when I am sick it is even worse. I am sure the meds don't help any -- which I am trying to wean off of because of the side affects. My 2 yr old does nothing but scream he wants this or that, pounds on his sister deliberatly to make her mad, takes things from her and just plain is a 2 yr old boy. My 5 yr old does nothing but whine and cry and moan and groan about everything. She's hungry, she wants this she isn't eating that, stomping her feet telling us she doesn't care and goes to her room. Now these are EVERY DAY things in our house. And it bothers me and we have worked very hard on changing them. We have talked to the kids, especially Abigayle re: our owies, how we know it is hard ect ect -- she is 5 she doesn't care nor understand. I can't take it anymore. Regardless. My dh is recouping, doesn't always respond to stress well to begin with and has just plain been in lack of other words mean. Know I know he isn't being "mean" and I am probably just over reacting. But I am sick of it. TIred of his being so strict and being so short with the kids. He is being so short right now w/Bryant getting him to bed and it is killing me. I wish I had the energy and was physically able to go in and help. But I can't. I just want to have "quiet" like he did. I made sure the kids were taken care of when he first came home. I know he had an open surgery -- but guess what. LAP is just as painfull just not as long. He has been doing good for the most part. I am REALLY wanting to eat something else. I thought I would be stronger than this and not be so weak when it came to food. I have wanted this, fought for this for so long and here I sit thinking "Dang what I wouldn't give for just ONE piece of that chicken James brought home tonight". I just want this to end!!! I wanted to go to my support group so bad tonight. We didn't have a babysitter. Our branch presidents wife took Bryant for a few hours today so I couldn't ask her and she has helped out more than her share over the last month. And it would have been late. James didn't want to take me. Saying "you wouldn't have taken me 2 days after I got home." Okay..I took him to his 6 days after he got home AND i had to take the kids and entertain them for 2 hrs. (We have different drs and groups). I know I needed to stay home. But I would have just liked to be "out" not around my kids, having "me time". Of course he says "You can go to mine in a few weeks" I don't want to go to his. They are not my "group" and I don't feel any connection to them. I do..but I don't. I didn't get to go last month because it was the day of his surgery and I needed to stay w/him that evening. Sorry to be so down. I don't regret doing this. I just wish I had more help and didn't have to ask you know? Why can't my husband step up to the plate and make the calls or do something w/them more than just go to 1 hr of this activity or that...??!???!!!? The week is only going to get worse. I can just see it. Gala

Boy Gala, you have a lot on your plate. I don't want to minimize what you are going through because it's VERY real and VERY important. I would just like you to know that others have been there, done that. I know saying it to you doesn't help but just know that others have struggled through difficult times too. I think your children acting out is a way for them to say "pay attention to me, I'm important too". They've dealt with some wierd things for their age. Both their mommy and their daddy had operations really close to each other. As much as we try to shield them, they have ears and they hear the concerns from other people. They know that both of you were in the hospital at different times. Their world is different for them right now. As far as your husband - well, he IS a man. (sorry to any of the men on this site). It's like when they have a cold it's "I'm dying. Take care of me". We can be very ill and all we get from them is "What time is dinner?" I guess that's the difference between men and women. Sorry to tell you Gala but it sounds like you're mourning food. I think most of us have gone through that. For me at least, it did get better. I kept telling myself that I wanted this weight loss more than I wanted the food. It seemed to help for me. I can relate to you for wanting some quiet time. It's tough to be "mom". You mentioned your branch president's wife so it sounds like you're in a branch which doesn't tend to have as many people. In our ward, the young women are working on their personal progress goals. Some of them will babysit for free for a service project. You can contact your young women's president and inquire. That might allow you some extra help. Maybe one of the young women can just come into your home for a couple hours and keep the kids quiet and entertained while you grab a nap. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old. I found that I would sit on the couch and read them books and sing primary songs with them. It gave them their "time" with mommy and they were more content to play on their own. My girls also fought like sisters. Pinching, pulling hair, hitting. I made each of them their own charts. I then created some pictures of Jesus and some more nonsense pictures. We named these non-sense pictures "Mr. Grouchy". When the girls did something good without complaining for without being told they got to put a "Jesus" on their charts. When they were mean to each other they had to put a "Mr. Grouchy" on their charts. It has made a world of difference in their behavior. They will do anything NOT to get a MR. Grouchy. It's funny because the non-sense picture isn't even ugly. It's just the name. When the children earn 10 "Jesus" pictures they get a reward (sleeping with Grama). It took less than 2 weeks for these charts to totally turn their behavior around. They play much better, no fighting, no being mean. Gala, write and vent any time you want. That's what we're here for. I wish that I could give you more support. Good luck - don't forget you have visiting teachers. Melody

Thanks Melody. You are so sweet!! Both my VT have been on vacation the last week. Nice timing I know. And I didn't know they were gone either. Luli called tonight and she is taking them to a park or something tomorrow. While I was on the phone w/her all of 10 min - Abigayle lost -snack time. Then my mom called and she had to go to bed immediatly -- which meant she didn't get her lap time. I feel bad about that. But at that point I lost it. I yelled at her telling her that I am sick, she knows that and she continues to scream and yell and not be nice to me when I am on the phone or when I ask her to be quiet. Then of course I had my own meltdown afterward because I know in my heart she is just acting "herself" then some. My mom can't believe how naughty they are being. They are perfect angels "like all kids" when they are somewhere else. Not once did Bryant try to hurt Abi last week while she had them...yet tonight in a 30 min. period - jumped over her purposely kicking her, bit her, ran and jumped on her hitting her in the face. Each time he was reprimanded and put on a time out. He isn't even 2 yet -- he for the most part is just being rambunctios. But yet he is just plain a bull. Heck yesterday I had him to the dr. and he hit the dr. numerous times because he wouldn't give Bryant any more "drink water". He got right in Dr. Kramer's face telling him "I thirsty wan****er". LOLOL...My mom's co worker said today "Did she just want to die right there or did she feel like 'hey it isn't just me'. I agree...w/the latter. We have 1 YW in our branch. She lives 35 miles from us so it would be hard. We have a neighbor girl that has babysat a few times but both my dh and Abi dont' like her. So it beats the purpose. James has been home on medical leave/disability for over a year. I shouldn't expect anymore out of him -- yet in the same vain just once I could use a break. I made dang sure that he had 2-???(all day) of quiet the week he came home and yet not once has he made a call to help me out. He is of the mind set that "I had open and you had Lap and open is much worse and you should be better by now. If I didn't have this stupid bladder infection...I would be. I have a raging bladder infection. My surgeon's nurse told me that if by Thursday it doesn't get better I am back in the hospital. I had to have a shot today for it because I am gagging up the medication and not getting the full dose Sorry...I am just complaining here. . Thanks for listening. Gala ps..I know I am mourning food. And it bothers me. I have wanted this for so long and fought so hard for it. Somehow James can eat a toasted tuna salad w/cheese sandwhich.....we use the low carb sarah lee bread but still. It was killing me. So I took a bit. Very small one and did fine. Later I had a finger of the tuna salad which helped but still I just want something "hard to chew" and I can't.

I have been trying to get my hubby to have wls but I know he would be a big baby. My 5 year old wanted to jump all over me for weeks before I could pick him up and my ADHD 8 year old was less then pleasant while I healed, so I can really empathize with you. Good luck to you - this too shall pass! -Sherrie