QUESTION:NEED ADV ICE!!

No this isnt a question of the day - I need help. My 14 year old daughter is eating non stop. Wakes up and eats breakfast before seminary. eats donuts at seminary. eats breakfast after seminary. eats breakfast at school. eats a snack at about 10. eats lunch at school. eats a snack as soon as she gets home. eats a snack about 5. eats dinner about 6. eats a snack about 8. eats a snack before bed. I am finding candy wrappers everywhere. She has blossomed up to a size 16. She is in heavy denial and even claims she is on Atkins and is losing weight. I am really worried about her. She told me oh well, if I get as fat as you I will just take the easy way out like you. ANY IDEAS on how I can stop her before she gets into health problems, social problems, and everything else that WE have had to deal with?? -Sherrie

HI Sherrie Wow..I was just thinking back to when I was that age and I really started putting on the weight then too. I think for me anyway I was so shy then and everything at school intimidated me. Then when I did start gaining the weight the teasing started so I turned to food even more. I wish that back then I could have found another outlet for my stress like some kind of sport to really be involved in. Is your daughter an active type of girl does she like sports?? Also I know it is so hard to have control of what she eats at this point in her life. I was terrible about eating even when my Mom would very gently remind me that I was eating the wrong things and too much. One thing to you might want to have her thyroid checked. She may be having major cravings and also could be her hormones just going nuts. I know when I'm pms'ing I am always hungry. Here are my two suggestions: (my two cents worth) One, If she is agreeable have her ask for a Priesthood blessing. Two, have her teach the family home evening lesson on nutriton, excercise and the effects of eating poorly on the body. I know I'm rambling but I just feel so bad for her cause you and I know how hard this being overweight road is if you don't get control over it. Don't know if I've been any help but I sure feel for you. take care Alfie

Boy, that's a tough one. How did you react when she told you she'd just get fat and take the easy way out? I could go off on a tangent on that one!! Sometimes people just have to learn for themselves. Free-agency, choice and accountability . . . it's such an aweful pill to swallow. Especially when we have to see it happen to someone we love. Boy, that's a tough one. How did you react when she told you she'd just get fat and take the easy way out? I could go off on a tangent on that one!! Sometimes people just have to learn for themselves. Free-agency, choice and accountability . . . it's such an awful pill to swallow. Especially when we have to see it happen to someone we love. Try to set a good example and encourage her without being negative. Maybe you could have fruit washed and sliced up in the fridge or veggies or something so that when she opens the fridge she sees the good stuff first. Also, if you can get rid of all the bad stuff that will save you and her lot of heartache. Have a snack when she comes home from school and go for a walk with her. Maybe you could talk to the school councilor, too. They might be able to help out somehow. Also, if she's buying candy and stuff with her lunch money, start packing her a lunch. Maybe you could pack a few extra food items. That way if she gets hungry she can snack on those things. You'll have a little more control that way. I guess it all comes down to positive reinforcement and taking control (as inconspicuously as possible). I agree with Alfie. She needs to be educated about what will happen if she doesn't take care of herself and how to keep herself healthy. If you're belly looks anything like mine it will make a great teaching tool. Take her into your bedroom, show her your belly (or whatever) and ask her if that's really the road she wants to take. Maybe you can get creative and introduce her to people who have co-morbidities from weight (i.e. diabetes) and ask them to share about it (whether they have to have shots, life and death, before they had it, etc.). That's all I can think of. Those are things I think might have helped me when I was younger. Of course, you do the best you can and leave the rest to her. It's why we're here. She's old enough to make decisions even if she doesn't have the foresight to see what will happen in the long run. Good luck! Hydi I guess it all comes down to positive reinforcment and taking control (as inconspicuously as possible). I agree with Alfie. She needs to be educated about what will happen if she doesn't take care of herself and how to keep herself healthy. If you're belly looks anything like mine it will make a great teaching tool. Take her into your bedroom, show her your belly (or whatever) and ask her if that's really the road she wants to take. Maybe you can get creative and introduce her to people who have comorbidities from weight (i.e. diabetes) and ask them to share about it (whether they have to have shots, life and death, before they had it, etc.). That's all I can think of. Those are things I think might have helped me when I was younger. Of course, you do the best you can and leave the rest to her. It's why we're here. She's old enough to make decisions even if she doesn't have the forsight to see what will happen in the long run. Good luck! Hydi

Hi, Sounds like a visit to the doctor is order to be sure she has no health problems. Let the Doc explain the dangers of a lifestyle of indulgence. I am afraid to tell you that as the Mom nothing you say or do will make any difference cause you aren't cool and don't know anything. (She'll grow out of this thinking in 10 years or so) A teacher or someone she admires from church may be able to get through and save her some heart-break. If all of these fail, get a consult with LDS social services for some counciling. I agree sometimes we have to let them fail and suffer the consequences but this behavior will affect for the rest of her life and possibly eternity. Be proactive, this is a very serious situation. Save her Mom!! Gordon 6 kids, 3 daughters ages 30,26,20

Sherrie I know when I was her age I went through the same thing. I used food as a protection. A protection from boys. I watched my sister who was one year older than me go through some really, really immoral and promiscuous behavior and I knew that if I was fat boys wouldn't want anything to do with me and I could stay morally clean that way. It worked. I didn't have a single date in high school. It wasn't until I went to Ricks College that I wanted a little male attention. I lost a lot of weight and was asked out by a returned missionary for my first date. Maybe your daughter is trying to hide. I did. I never thought I was pretty when I was in high school. Maybe you could take your daughter out for a special day and pamper her and get her hair done and reassure her that you think she's pretty. I don't know if it would help but it certainly couldn't hurt. Her feelings are probably raw right now and you want to be careful not to alienate her. Good luck Sherrie. This is quite a struggle. Melody

Sherrie, You have been given some really good advice. I have to agree with Gordon and Melody. I would have given you a cross between the two. Take care and take a big deep breath and pray hard. I believe a mother's prayer has a special place with Heavenly Father. Grins, Kaye

Hi Sherri,, You have been given some awsome advice! I am going to use some of it! I have an 11 year old daughter and my husband thinks that if I have the surgery then how will I help my children when they have problems like this. They will see that I have taken the "easy way out" and what will I say? I have to say that this has crossed my mind as well. It is all things that must be thought about throughly! But I was glad to hear all the responses. Has anyone else had to deal with the "easy way out" situation with children? What do you tell them? Sherri, what did you tell your daughter? Good luck! I hope she can get through it. I think counseling is a great idea! She has a lot going on inside. Besides, can you imagine watching your mom go from over eater to very small eater and having the fear that she will get small as you get bigger? It would be strange and scarry I think. forget all the stuff teens have to deal with anyway! I wish the best for both of you! Billie