What is in the air??

I was just talking to my mom. She went to see my Grandma today - she lives 2 hrs away. My Aunt who just had the twin girls came while she was there also. The twins were 2 months old today and my mom had a "photo extravaganza" today while they were there w/them. My mom whispers to me that Jackie is on the brink of separation w/her husband. I am shocked. It is a long story that my mom didn't go into detail. She just said over and over that Jackie is devastated. (No her dh didn't have an affair - I asked). I sheepishly mentioned to my mom for the first time that I know how Jackie feels and to please let tell her to call me. Jackie and I grew up together until I was about 12. She is 2 yrs younger than I am. My mom wanted to know what I meant by that comment. I told her just what I said. I know how she feels and the same thoughts and feelings are going surfacing in my household also. My mom didn't say a word. My mom knows that things here haven't been the best for some time. But doesn't know details. My next comment was "what the heck is in the air?" Dang. Anyway, I know this is a bit OT - yet for me it isn't. Because 90% of the possible separation between my dh and I is WLS related - or should I say "WL" related for my DH who says he know has a much better self esteem and knows what he wants and isn't getting it w/me as his wife I guess. Regardless -- I feel the pain that Jackie is going threw and I wish I could call her and tell her. I can't let her know that I know - w/o her telling me. So I will just keep her in my prayers along w/those 2 sweet munckins of hers. Gala

Oh Gala, I just wrote you a LONG letter here and my computer crashed it! I am so MAD!!! I have to run to work, but I have some things I'd like to share with you about my divorce and twins and the support I received from others. I was going through a divorce with my first husband when I was pregnent with twins. He served me with divorce papers the morning of their birth, with his request for full custody, all holidays, limited visitation from me. I sat and read it and couldn't breathe, I went into full labor and it ruined my perfectly planned birth plan. At one point I had gone to the temple, very large with the twins in me, and as I looked about and noticed all the loving couples I was devestated my marriage was ending. I cried and cried through the entire session. In the celestial room I received a very direct revelation that if I raised my kids in the gospel and stayed close to the Lord my ex would have no power or influence over us. It's been a true promise. In 10 years he has never visited the twins nor requested to see them. He pays $900 a month support, and it is taken from his pay by the state so we have no contact. He has legal rights to see the kids, he just doesn't. So in essence, he went from wanting full control, to never even seeing them. I nursed them until they were two years old......he couldn't have overnight visits as long as they nursed, but it wasn't ever an issue. I'm thrilled, though I can't understand how he could possibly pass up a moment with these two angels. I opened a full time day care in my home and for 5 years tended kids so I could raise my babies until they went to school full time. I was always blessed with enough money, and we weren't rich, but we didn't starve. Occasionally I had help from the Bishop's storehouse, but not too much. The ward supported me emotionally, always helping me with the kids and giving me a break if I needed it. I think you should call your Aunt and tell her your mom mentioned her troubles, and that you wanted to help her if you could. Believe me, she would probably LOVE having someone to talk with who would understand the feelings of betrayal, hurt, self doubt. I doubt she would be offended by your concern and out reach of love. I just know that the Lord will watch over us, and bless us. We just have to be patient and true to His commandments. Think about how you love your kids, and would do ANYTHING to ease their troubles. The Lord loves us even more and He will and does bless us with what we need to find comfort and ease. I had no idea I would ever find Kevin, and he's a wonderful father to my kids....and they adore him beyond measure. I know this time is so hard for you. I went through two divorces, and my second was especially hard. My husband decided 2 years into our marriage that he didn't want to raise my kids. What was I supposed to do, leave them on the corner? We got along fine, he just couldn't tolerate little kids in the house chattering, laughing, watching kids cartoons. So we divorced and I will always love him deeply, but I tuck it away. I am much happier with a man who adores my kids, knows all the Pokemon names, makes lego ships with my son and will also help discipline when needed. Though I've gone through deep trials with my divorces, the Lord always opened a door to a brighter world and a better life. I just had to live my best in the gospel principles. I am so upset I lost my first post to you. It was much better worded, but know that I do care about your trials, and I would love to help you any way I can. Your sister in the gospel, Tracey

Gala I am sooo sorry that you are going through these challenges and tests. I have some thoughts about what you have posted, I just hope that I can put them into words so they will come out in a way to help you and give you some comfort. In my WLS support group, we've had members whose marriage has been destroyed because of the WLS. The image of themselves has changed and in most cases the spouses couldn't deal with the spouce who was looking so much better. There was a lot of jealousy involved and that led to a destruction of their marriage. In other cases members kind of went off the deep end and went "wild", drinking and doing drugs. We had a psychologist come and talk to our group and this issue was brought up. The pyscologist gave us a lot of insight as to why people have this kind of behavior. He said that when we are obese we carry a "shame" for being obese. Whether or not we recognize it, we carry a shame for being obese. Because we all share an addictive behavior (food), when we have that issue taken care of in the form of WLS we trade one shame for another shame. This could be in the form of drinking, drugs or other behavior. He also told us that when we loose the weight we no longer feel like we have to "settle" for the partner we are with. When we are morbidly obese we often feel like even though the partner we are with isn't the best, they're the only one who would have us so therefore we'll just settle and stick it out. When we loose the morbidly obese lable we start to think we can look around that we don't have to "settle" anymore. In conference during the Sunday afternoon session, the prophet spoke about his marriage and loosing his wife of over 60 years. He spoke on what it takes to have and maintain a good marriage. The prophet gave the council that each partner should do whatever they can each day to make their partner "comfortable" and happy. By doing that for our spouce, our spouce in turn will treat us the same way and our marriages will be strong and happy. I can't adequately put into words the council from our prophet. I just know it was divinely inspired. Go to the LDS.org web site and read for yourself what the prophet had to say about marriage and being happy. Again it was in the Sunday afternoon session. Gala - you're not going through this alone. You've got people at this site who are concerned about you and want you to be happy and well. Good luck Gala. Melody