I am Pre-Op and new to the site

Hi everyone. I am Pre-Op and I joined the site recently. To let everyone know about myself, I am 28 and a married father of 3 who lives in Palmdale, CA. I am 6'2" and I weigh 440 pounds and I have struggled with weight issues all my life. In 1997, when I came back from my mission, I weighed 220 pounds and in I have doubled my weight in less than 7 years. Before my mission I weighed over 300 pounds. I have been thinking about this descision for a while. Luckily my wife has been supportive and my insurance covers the surgery. On the 20th of October I made my first step and attended a WLS symposium in Arcadia, CA with my wife. It was put on by several surgeons from Comprehensive Surgical Specialists. I was recommended to them from several people who my wife teaches with that have had the surgery. They primarily perform the RNY laparoscopicly, which is what I will most likely be getting. I made an appointment the next day for my first consultation which will be on Nov 2nd. My doctor will be Troy Lamar. I am really excited and really nervous about the changes I will be going through.

Jonathan, Where did you serve your mission? Man your name sounds familiar!!! Wouldn't have been in the Milwaukee Wisconsin Mission would it have been? Congrats on making the first step. You will not regret it. I know there are days I thinkwhat in the heck did I do. But when you put the cards out on the table I am so much better know than I was. One of the guys from our support group started around 450 lbs. He has lost 170 lbs in 5 months and Jonathan he looks and is a different person!!! I know that he is absolutely greatful for every step he takes at right now that is pain free. I admire Mark greatly and it is fun to watch his progress along w/the others. My DH and I both had RNY this summer. James was in June - open rny and mine was 3 weeks later in July rny lap. James just came out of our bedroom w/a pair of work pants he was going to wear -- amazing how he can think a pair of pants will fit when he is 5 lbs away from -100 lbs loss... LOLOL Anyway, its a very hard step to take and you have done the first one. Come back often... Gala

Thanks for you reply! I cannot wait till I get the surgery done. I am glad my wife is supportive of this. I feel emberassed that my wife and kids have to be seen with me because of my size. My weight has drained me of a lot of energy and that is evident on the condition of the house and in our relationship. BTW, I served in Merida, Mexico. -Jonathan

Jonathan, Don't be embarrassed!!! Your love for them is the same if you are 100 lbs or 400 lbs. And I would think theirs for you is the same. I do know though how you feel. I felt the same way when doing things w/my children. Ages 2, 5 and 10. They were just under 2 and 5 when we had our surgeries. Keep us posted. There must have been another Elder here w/the same name because I am quite certain I recognized your name. Small world. Gala

In my head I know they love me, but I just feel alone. I feel like I have shamed them somehow. My wife is not intimate with me any more, even though I try. She says it has nothing to do with my size, but I don't believe that. I don't like going to my children's preschool because I don't want them teased and I hate the staring. I hate meeting my wife's co-workers for the same reason. I hate seeing people that knew me when I was thinner because I hear insensitive things. My mom is always asking me what size I wear or how much I weigh. I hate people bringing it up. The only people I have been able to talk about this is with people that don't know me personally. I have been able to tell people I don't know that I weigh 440 pounds. The symposium I went to this week was theraputic. The one thing I am afraid of is telling others I am doing something about it and that is because it involves talking about my weight and that I have a problem. I don't know how to bring it up at work, to my family, or to people at church that I am having the surgery. What did you all do?

To Tell or Not to Tell? That is a VERY VERY tough choice. And it is something that only YOU can decide. We can all give you advice but in the end it is your choice. There is no reason why your family, church members or work need to know. It is a very personal choice. Me..I have a big mouth. I don't keep anything quiet. I do know several people who have not told a sole. If you choose to go this route - then you take a medical leave of absense. You ask for a blessing for "medical reasons". Your family can know that you have "health problems" and you are having surgery. Plain and simple. If your family is distant than don't tell them. I dont' know. It is really up to you and your wife. One thing I have found that has helped me a great deal (and my husband even though he wouldn't admit it) is seeing a therapist. Call the Surgeon's group you are going threw and ask for a referral if you think that this is something that would help. I have seen a therapist for some time. I have contemplated changing to a clinical psychologist that works w/the bariatric team and has done some support groups. She is all of 5f 5in and 100 lbs soak and wet. She is so in tuned to the mind - body relationship. She did a lot of research on hinduism, holistic medicine and other 'alternative' -- and she is all about "being kind to your body". She teaches NIA classes and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to attend them. I live an hour away though so that would be hard. I think we can all relate to being embarrased and not wanting to go into our children's schools, swim lessons, and other activities. That will all change!! My kids live at the pool in the summer. My daughter has had swimming lessons all summer long for the last 3 summers. I HATED to have to get in the water w/her. I have parents who knew I had surgery this summer. The other day I was out to lunch w/some other bus drivers at McD's -- and one of the moms came up to me and says "Gala, I have to just tell you how amazing you look. How much weight have you lost? -- Can I guess? I said sure I dont' care. She guessed 95-100 lbs. I replied w/no about 65-70 but I'm working on 100. She couldnt believe that 70 was it because I looked much thinner than that. She also went on to say "and you can eat at McD's.." I replied "Yep, I pay out the nose for a salad and some chicken. But it ends up being 3 meals for me." She laughed and she went on her way. Anyway -- take it one step at a time. Hang in there. My computer is giving me problems. I guess it is a sign that I need to turn it off and go to bed. So....off I go. Gala

Hi Jonathan. I can't believe the gall of some people to ask you how much you weigh. Whenever the subject comes up to me I - usually it's "What size do you wear?" I always say "A size 2 - too damn big". How would people feel if we asked them how much THEY weighed? What's their point in asking? Is it so they can gloat over how much less they weigh than us? Insensitive in my book. I'm a very vocal and open person. I've made NO secret in the fact that I was having this surgery. I can't believe the people who are both curious, care about me and my health. In my ward I think there must be 5 different people who are watching me and considering having the surgery. I occasionally e-mail a progress report to about 15 people. As far as your wife not being intimate with you anymore - women are a different kind of creature. Women enjoy being cuddled but are afraid to because they think it ALWAYS has to end in intercourse. Try cuddling your wife and NOT having it go any further. She also might be really tired at the end of the day. Do something nice for her like rubbing her back (and not expecting sex). It might surprise you when SHE starts initiating sex. Good luck Jonathan. You are NOT alone. All of us married couples go through this at one time or another. Melody

Congratulations Jonathan on taking the first step. It sounds like things are all lining up for you to have this done. Don't let people tell you that you are taking the easy way out. There is nothing easy about having this done. First it is a major surgery, next you'll have to watch the quantities and the types of food you'll be eating for the rest of your life. There's nothing "easy" about that. It IS worth it though. It reminds me of what the savior said - "I never said it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it". Keep us posted on your progress and when they schedule your surgery. It's good to see new faces on this board. Come back often and post with us. Melody

Welcome and congratualtions on taking the first step. For many of us, this is the last resort. At least for me it was. But I had my husband's support as well as that of my two kids. This is the best thing that I have ever done. And I have had a lot of surgery. This was not my first one and I can say that I have no regrets. But I will counsel you to pray about it and talk with your bishop. Telling people about what you are going to do, will allow them to support you. Don't pay too much attention to the people that say not to do this. It is your life, not theirs and they have no idea just how hard it is. This is going to change your life and your self esteem. Good Luck! Donna