Thanksgiving Dinner Questions

Hello out there I have a question to throw out to ya'll. I am a step mother to older children..youngest it 30 oldest is 36. I have tried over the years since they married to meet their schedules as far as Thanksgiving dinner. This year I talked to my sweetie and said you know since the kids are older why can't we go back to the way we did Thanksgiving when we first got married...having dinner on Thanksgiving day and we set the time invite everyone and if they can come fine and if not fine. He agreed with that idea and was actually very excited about it. When the kids first got married we kept trying to meet everyones time schedule and having our dinner the weekend before or the weekend after Thanksgiving. Well I don't want to continue to do that. My question to all of you is am I being a witch about this?? I tried for so many years to start and keep family traditions and we did until they got married and now have families of their own now its seems its always us that have to make changes and I just don't want to anymore. We told the kids about our plan the oldest daughter is fine with it she even has taken vacation time so she can come spend a few days with us and the youngest is saying well his wifes family has a tradition every year and they will be there and got all huffy about it. Hubby told him thats fine you are more than welcome to come to our dinner and if you can't thats fine no problem. There will be leftovers come some time on the weekend. We have a middle daughter to but due to some bad choices she is in a womens prison in Arizona... but thats a whole nother tale I guess over the years I have just been worn out. Being a Step Parent has been very difficult on me. I do realize that it is equally difficult for the kids involved to so don't get me wrong I know its not a one way street on that. We have the same problem at Christmas time but they have calmed down on that issue. We see them when we can and don't make a set day. This year we are going to leave on Christmas Eve and drive to South Texas. We decided we wanted to go to Big Bend National Park and enjoy the country side. Plus it will help with the kids fussing about when they are wanting to come over...it gets crazy over this issue. Well to all thanks for listening...I needed to vent and I do hope I get some responses from you. Other people can sometimes see things more clearly.. Have a great Wednesday Alfie 280-210-150 some day

You do what you feel like you have to do! My parents are in the same frame of mind. We are planning to go to my mom's house in OK and she is expecting us. But, if you and your hubbie are ready to start new traditions, go for it! Donna

Alfie - You and your DH owe it to yourselves to have a "normal" holiday (be it Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day or Father's Day). The children are all grown adults with their own traditions. It sounds like one of them has a tradition that involves the other side of the family which they don't want to break and that's fine but it is THEIR tradition. I don't think you should feel guilty about wanting to enjoy the holiday yourself. You shouldn't feel like you should have to bend over backwards to accomodate everyone's schedule. Life is busy and hectic enough without feeling like you have to accomodate everyone. If the family can't get together for a full meal than maybe they can meet another day for pie. The family's together without the fuss and stress of getting a full Thanksgiving meal together. Here's another thought - if the family would like to get together after Thanksgiving - have each of them bring over some Thanksgiving leftovers. They can potluck the meal and still have a nice get together. That way one person doesn't have the stress of doing the entire meal. Good luck. Melody

Thanks Donna and Melody I needed that It just gets so crazy sometimes. Thanks for the suggestions and I will definetly use them. Have a wonderful day Alfie

I agree w/what the other ladies said. And no you are NOT being a WITCH!!! You are being Alfie -- setting limits for YOU and that is what is important!!! Gala

Funny you would post this, I had the exact same conversation with my hubby this week. I have 4 step kids- adults- and my three kids live here with us still. We are so tied up by my inlaws traditions, we can't make our own. We have to race all over to meet my husbands' family expectations...and I said, "You know, as the kid marry and start their own families, we are going to need to shift some traditions down a generation." He seemed to understand. I explained that our getting together with his nieces and nephews was once the big deal, but now we have grandkids, and that takes priority now......so things will need to shift. I hate to go anywhere on Christmas Day. I couldn't drag my kids from their toys and take them to visit. So I've stood firm that we stay home for Christmas Day. But as the kids grow up and leave, it will just be me and Kevin, and I don't expect my kids to drag their babies away from their toys to see old Grandma and Grandpa. So my stay home tradition will probably evolve to go visit all my kids' homes......and I'm okay with that. Traditions are to pass on, and teach our families.... not to lock us into slavery to it. I think you are smart to invite everyone and not hold anger towards anyone who can't make it. That's how I feel too. Makes for a nice day, no pressure. Tracey