Now it's time for the whole truth.

Daph, what a great attitude you have, for yourself, Noah and Kyle. I think you were right on the mark when you said that Kyle was a very ill man. Although it hurts, sometimes it's best to remove yourself, Noah and the development of the new baby from that kind of attmosphere. Continue to speak positively about Kyle to Noah so Noah will have positives memories of his father should his father ever chose to become part of your lives again. You've got a wise bishop who is blessed with the inspiration from our Heavenly Father to give you the advice that is best for you right now. I hope that you were given a priesthood blessing of strength to help you get through this difficult time. Daph, make sure you keep coming back to this board often, even if it's just to cry on our shoulders or yell at someone. This is going to sound terrible but when I hear of other's problems it helps me feel like my overwhelming problems aren't as bad. I guess what I'm really trying to say is when we look around us we don't internalize and dwell on our own problems quite as much. This has nothing to do with your situation, it's just something that happened to me today. My life has been totally turned upside down. My husband lost his job, I can't work because of my MS. The people we thought were our friends and support have totally turned their backs on us to the point of being rude and ignorant. Yesterday, two of my brothers yelled and chastised me for something that they felt guilty about. Our local government has done everything in their power to make sure we never work again. I could go on and on and on. I was going through some major internal turmoil. I was finding myself hating everybody and speaking ill of everyone who was treating us badly. A couple days ago I came to the realization that my problem was that I wasn't living by the scripture that talks of "pray for those that spitefully use you". I started earnestly and sincerely praying for each of those individuals that were causing so much damage to our family. Today in Fast and Testamony meeting I had such a calm come over me that I knew that everything was going to be OK. I knew that things would probably change in ways that I can't understand or forsee at this point but it's going to be OK. Like I said this had nothing to do with your situation, I just wanted to share an experience that I had in the power of praying for others. I'm sending my love and will include your family in my personal prayers. You are loved. Your Heavenly Father knows each of us. We can only be hurt if we allow them to hurt us. Melody

Well Daph, I totally understand what you are going through. I was 5 months pregnant with twins when my marriage to a man with mental illness fell apart. We tried hard to get him the help he needed, I really took him to every doctor I could. His medicine would make him feel better and he's say, "I'm normal, I don't need this medicine" and go off the deep end, and after awhile I just had to quit trying. He became very obsessed with fire arms and there were loaded guns in every corner, under every chair, on the fridge, in his back of pants.....I was terrified a child would get to one when I wasn'****ching. So, 5 months pregnant with twins I loaded a U-Haul and crossed several states back to my family and my ward surrounded me with love and acceptance and I have never regretted my decision. I told the twins their dad has an illness in his brain that he can't control and they don't think bad of him in any way. I've since remarried a wonderful man who lives the gospel, adores our kids, and is a wonderful father to the children. My ex has not seen his kids, by his own choice. I found great strength in the Lord, and while in the temple received a personal promise that if I raised my kids in the gospel their father wouldn't be able to take them from me (he tried once) or influence them negatively. We live close to the church principles and try hard to be good. I hope you find peace and calm in your life. I know that stress can affect a fetus, and so you must do your best to remain at peace and trust in your decision. I know this baby will be your best buddie.....my twins were my greatest fear, but now my dear dear joy. (They are 10) Tracey

I can relate to your delimma and I have to concurr with what the other sisters have stated. This is not going to be an easy road to travel, but, having been divorced myself, I can tell you that this is going to be the most trying time in your life. Especially with your pregnancy and having a little one. Keep on your knees, and always have a prayer in your heart. Consult with priesthood leaders often and by all means, get a priesthood blessing to get through this time. Remember, we are here to help you if you need it. Donna

Daph, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been there, although not pregnant. I miscarried just before I left. It was the straw that broke the camel's back for my husbands depression and my sanity. You have done the right things to stay on track. Stay prayerful and close to your bishop. It will be good to be close to your family and support. I found that my ward family was very supportive also. As Melody said keep coming here so we can give you support also. Jane